I went out of my room and smelled Jack's cooking. He frequently made our breakfast whenever he had free mornings and late classes.
"Smells good!" I sat on one of the stools and peeked on what was causing the smell. I was not a fan of veggies but since he had a magic to turn them into delicious meals, I enjoyed eating them. This morning, he was making fried asparagus wrapped with bacon, Basparagus, as what he called them.
"Goodmorning," he said and shrugged when he saw my curious look. "I was beaten by you yesterday. Consequence."
I giggled and placed the piece of paper I was holding on the counter. "I should beat you often, then?"
He glanced at me and laughed. "Doubt you can," he said and placed the plate full of Basparagus next to me. The smell made me crave. "What's this?" he gestured to the paper.
I gave it to him. "Read," I said. He opened it but I snatched it back before he even read more. "Not now, later!"
He raised a brow at me. "Move on?"
"Simple ways and things, all those nonsense I make."
"If it's nonsense why are you giving me?"
I smiled. "Because I know you like nonsense too." He smirked and sat beside me. I attempted to get one Basparagus but he swiped my hand away. "What?" I asked, angry that I did not get what I was craving for.
"Patience," he said. "We'll wait for them."
"Mom and Jude are here?" We rarely had breakfast together completely. Mom had weekend jobs and woke up late, Jude often go to his girlfriend's house, and Jack had some business too but I guess he felt pity for me that's why he spent more time at home.
He nodded. "Yes and his girlfriend."
"Grace slept here?!" I knitted my brows. After I moment I covered my mouth because she might've heard my shock.
"Goodmorning." We turned and saw our mother. I smiled at her. "Yum, never knew I am this hungry."
Jack offered the plate to mom and she got one. I complained, "How come Mom can already get one and I can't?"
Jack got one too and took a bite. "Wait for Jude."
Mom sat on the dining table. "They'll be here any moment."
I sat in front of her and left Jack at the counter. "Did Grace really sleep here?"
She rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "Uh-huh, she slept beside me."
Jack chuckled. "Wow, mom, that's... cool."
Mom sighed as she made her cup of coffee. "It's Sunday, right? Any plans?" She glanced at the both of us.
"Thonia will be free from her grounds, let's celebrate?" My brother said. I remembered what my friends planned again, but doubted they still remembered considering the fact that they had party last night.
"Ohh, well, Thonia," she took a long sip from her cup. Mom plus coffee plus serious tone were not what I was looking forward for. "Even though you're already not grounded, be mindful of the time, okay? Text us or call us, just let us know beforehand, not after. Anxiety can kill a person, remember!"
I nodded and she added, "Don't sleep inside whoever's car again. You don't know what might happen, or you can get suffocated!"
I immediately glanced at Jack who knew what truly happened that night. It was not just because I slept in a car, but because I spent it with Josh. In silence, I thanked him in my mind because he did not tell them what I did, which added more guilt to my seemingly innocent mind.
"So," Mom changed the topic and asked us again. "Do you have plans for the day?"
Before we even answer, Grace, Jude's thin and short girlfriend greeted us a good morning and Jude followed behind. She had silky black hair that barely reached her shoulders and thick eyebrows that looked good on her white skin. To be honest, she reminded me of Liza's simple physical attributes and softness.
"Sit, sit," my mother gestured to the four more vacant dining chairs. They sat on one side and Jack served the food in the middle of the table. I helped him with the utensils. When we were all settled, we blessed the food and ate Jack's another masterpiece together with eggs and bread.
"Want to hear mass?" she asked after some slice of Basparagus. I looked at my brothers and Grace. They agreed so I did, totally abandoning what my friends had planned.
After the breakfast and few chats, we prepared ourselves for the mass. Mom instructed me to help Grace ease her stay. Grace and I went to my room and I told her she should go to the bathroom outside first and simply leave her things in my room.
"Thanks," she said and smiled. "I'll try to be fast, promise."
"No worries," I replied and smiled back to be polite. When she was out of my room, I lay on my bed and closed my eyes.
My phone was silent. No texts or calls. Wow, my friends did remember me, not even Asaila who said had an outing with her family. I was not the texting-type, not even when Rick and I had a thing. I just liked more personal contact, real expressions and live voices. And now, just now, I started to ache for it, like I was missing someone I should not miss and waiting for calls and texts and I knew would never come. What a dumb idea for me to think he would care to text me first just to start random conversation not about homework or any other matters, just a simple "hi" that could complete my hollowness. I stood up and took a deep breath. No, I should not be thinking about him. Jeez, I did not even like to admit to myself who he was. I could not, I should not.
Why, Thonia? Why him?
I got my phone from my pocket and opened the lock screen. Still nothing. Great. I threw it on my bed. It bounced as Grace opened the door. "Boys?" she asked while drying her hair using a towel. How could she know? Was I that transparent? I hated being transparent to my feelings. I always tried my best to hide them.
"No," I simply said without looking at her eyes. There was silence and I said, "Are you done?"
She stepped in. "Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry."
"No, it's fine." I laughed a little because she was somehow cute and I wanted to like her for my brother. I walked towards the door as she walked to my study table where her things were placed, I paused because she was about to say something but shut her mouth. So I continued walking out of my room, but before I even closed the door to give her privacy, she giggled a little and I turned to her. "Don't let boys get in your nerves, Thonia." She smiled and added. "But they will truly get in your nerves."
"I know." I shook my head and grinned.
~
After the mass, we ate in a nearby native restaurant in our village. It was not huge but they cooked good enough food. Classy, but I still preferred Jack's homemade recipes. By eleven o'clock, we went home because my brothers and Grace had to prepare for a college party they had invited me, but I neglected the invitation. I hated college parties. I hated to think in few time I would go to my own legal college party.
"How about shopping? The stores and boutiques are open this morning." Grace asked me.
"Thanks," I said but shook my head because shopping was not in my hobbies. I pretty had all I needed actually. "I wasn't in the mood for shopping but maybe next time. Just enjoy the party."
Mom had to do something in her laptop so she stayed in the living room and I was left with myself and the stars under my ceiling. I suddenly saw my list journal on my study table and scanned through my past lists.
Reasons to be Happy...
Why smile?...
Do's and Dont's...
Signs that You're In Love...
I stayed on that page and read the signs all over again. The last one was erased because I did not want to spoil anyone. Knowing the last sign would ruin the whole test, but maybe it would still work for me though I had not tried it for years. No one marked all signs check yet.
It was crazy to think using my own brain. It was ironic why I believed in love so much but afraid to love someone, afraid to get hurt again. Well, one must take the risk, I reminded myself.
But to whom?
I was so dizzy! Loving someone was worst than deciding what course I would take in college; it was very confusing. I sighed for the hundredth time now. I just stayed like that for a while, staring at the list, forcing myself to try the test but denying the result in time. I could not fall in love with him. He was... impossible... blur... Indecipherable.
I gave up. I closed the notebook and got my phone and headphones. I played some music from my playlist. Music did help. I sat on the bean bag beside my bed and closed my eyes. I was not sure if I slept or dreamt, but I was interrupted by the abrupt buzz of my phone that paused my music followed by four more. I checked it and saw Asaila's consecutive texts.
Asaila: Thones!!! Pink or purple?
Asaila: Mug, I mean.
Asaila: Ok, ignore me. I bought pink FOR YOU.
Asaila: Jk, I know you hate the color pink so I bought purple and black combination.
Asaila: Where are you????!!
I called her. She answered in the first ring. "What are you talking about?" I asked.
The background sound on the other line was loud like being in a tourist spot souvenir market where she probably was. "There's this cute mug here that I think you'd like."
I wiped my newly-awake eyes and yawned. "Thanks, be sure it's not pink."
She laughed. "Yeah, right. I know you would just throw the mug at me if it is."
"Glad you know." I rolled my eyes.
"I need to go, my mom is waiting," she hurriedly said.
"Okay. Take care."
I was ready to end the call when she asked, "Wait, you just woke up? You're not grounded already! I thought you're with Joshua and the boys? Wait—oh my gosh—don't tell me—"
"Don't be so ridiculous, A!" I said and rolled my eyes.
"You just virtually sent an eye-roll, right? I could feel it." She said.
I sighed loudly so she could hear. "I didn't know what happened to the plan. It's abolished."
"Why? Don't tell me you didn't come because I didn't. Or..." she paused. I thought she was hurrying? "Or did Josh do something bad?"
"Nothing," I replied, literally nothing.
"How about the other boys?" she asked.
"Nothing also," which was not a lie. They totally did nothing to me, not even a message.
"Have you opened your Facebook?" she carefully said slowly, which made me think she wanted to say something she could not.
"Not yet, why?"
"Nothing!" she said and turned Asaila-mode by hysterically talking and explaining about many things, her trademark. "Don't open. I mean, no. I mean, do not check your timeline or Josh's or Fredd's or Kennard's or Stephen's or Gabe's profiles!"
I knitted my brows. She made me curious. What's with the profiles? What's with the caution? "What do you want to say, A? Continue!" I forced her.
"You're not the boss of me." She said. "Just promise me don't open the profiles or your timeline until next month, next year if possible."
"Wait," I said and minimized the call. I tapped on my Social Application.
"Are you checking it now? No, Thonia!" she warned and begged at the same time. "Hey! Listen! No!"
Nothing unusual with my timeline, just cliché selfies, quotes, and food. What was she talking about? She kept on talking on the other side but I barely understood because of the low volume of the high-speaker mode. After a few scrolls, I saw an album uploaded by Kennard. It was titled Victory Party :). I clicked the album and checked the photos. There were Kennard's team mates with their coach, and also his friends. "Ken's victory party?" I asked her. "What is wrong with these pictures?"
She sighed and gave up. I was already searching, no going back. "Keep scrolling until the last part." I did. The last pictures were mostly his friends, group, solo and couple pictures. I saw one with Kennard and Alex looking great with each other. I also saw a picture of Joshua with a girl familiar but far from my memory. I kinda had a small jealous feeling, reason why I should slap my face later.
"Thony, are still there? Don't kill yourself."
I scrolled and saw another picture of the girl. She had more than ten selfies with Joshua and a group picture with Gabe, Stephen, Fredd, Kennard and Joshua. They all seemed happy and close. "Of course I am here! Are you talking about Josh and... this girl?"
"Yes! I know you like Joshua—"
"A! Where did you get the assurance?!" I denied.
"Shut up, Thonia, we all know. Well, not all but me personally because, duh, I am Asaila and I should know because I am your bestfriend." Her mother's voice was audible and calling her. "Hey, chill down, I really have to go. Just text me, no calls."
"Okay." Before the call ended, I said, "What if she's a cousin or just a friend?" I sighed. "Asaila, we're just making this topic big."
"Don't you remember her? She is—" she paused. "Virtually sending you an eye roll and hair flip. Talk to you later," she said and finally ended the call before her mother became furious.
I opened the group picture. They sat on a couch. The mysterious long-haired girl and Joshua were in the middle and the others beside them. I closed my phone and sighed again. Oh, God, I should not feel this way. Why was I jealous for no good reason? I did not even know the girl, and Joshua was not even that handsome and appealing so why, why, why?
A call interrupted me again. I thought it was Asaila wanting to continue the cut explanation about the girl but it was Fredd. I ignored the call. I should have come to the party. Or they could have told me who the girl was.
They were just pictures, Thones.
Yeah, I know. I answered my subconscious. Pictures. But I hadn't even have a group picture with them or a good picture with Josh or anyone of them.
The call repeated again and again. I was about to block Fredd from my contacts when he texted. "Thony, where are you? On the way to your house." On the way?!
He called again and I answered this time, not caring if Joshua was with them or not. I hoped not, but that was next to impossible because they always came together. "Thony, are you ignoring us?" It was Stephen.
"No." I lied. "Why are you going here?"
There was laughter. "Sorry, Kenny just told the story on how he spilled his frappe on Alex's skirt. Which something I shouldn't laugh about because I am receiving deadly stares."
"Who are you with?" I asked, anxious that they were with Josh and the girl.
"Anyway!" he pushed aside my question. "We're already here. Get your... pants on!"
I laughed despite the thin layer of grudge I had for all of them. "Yeah, I am ready. Where are you going to take me, by the way?"
"We'll have fun, I swear! Happy ungrounded day!"
I waited for them downstairs and asked my mother if I could go out since I did not have grounds. "Okay, just be careful and don't stay late again," she said while typing.
"Thanks," I replied and waited on the other couch parallel to hers.
"Who are you with? Asaila?" she asked and flipped her laptop off.
"Uhm, my friends from school." I said, did not want to make it complicated. "A was out of town with her family."
"Ohh, well I am glad to meet them."
I nodded.
"Is your boyfriend included?" she suspiciously asked.
"I don't have one!" I said.
"Really, huh?"
"Yuh," I assured and laughed. "Mom, this conversation is getting boring."
She smiled. "Just making sure my daughter isn't hiding romance from me. Trust me; I did the same when I was younger. Your gramps was a little strict."
"I'll tell you ASAP, I promise." I said. We were not that close as before but I knew I always had her when I wanted to talk to someone, next to my brothers.
A car honked followed by the doorbell. I waved goodbye to my mother and went out. A black Audi was parked infront of our house. The tinted windows made me hesitant if it was really them. Fredd unrolled down the windows of the driver's side and gestured for me to come in. The front seat was vacant so I rode beside the driver. My anxiety of seeing them was washed off by the excitement in their faces. I looked at the back seat and saw no sign of Joshua Silva or Rapunzel.
Stephen saw me looking at them and chuckled. "No Josh, sorry," he said like it was very obvious I was looking for him. I just rolled my eyes and turned infront to lock my seatbelt before they even saw me blushing.
"So, let's plot the plan!" Fredd held the steering wheel and we drove out of my village. "First, we'll go to the mall; arcade, pizza, movie?"
"And Taco Bell!" Gabe suggested.
"And Taco Bell," he confirmed. "And the movie?"
"There's nothing new in the movie list." I frowned. "But I guess we'll decide there."
I turned the radio on because they all fell silent. "By the way, Kennard, congrats!" I leaned to look back.
"Thank you. The party yesterday would be happier if you're there." He smiled.
I snorted. "But Alex is there." And Rapunzel. I wanted to ask them about her but afraid they might misinterpret.
"Dudes!" Stephen said. "Don't be like that. It's not only Ken who needed congratulations."
"And what to congrats with you?" Fredd defied him while turning left, out of my village.
Stephen chuckled and glanced at Gabe. "Drumroll please?"
Gabe laughed and proudly said, "Miss Thonia Buenviaje, our newspaper for the new issue is ready to be printed."
I smiled. "Seriously? That's great!"
"We love our new intern, sadly he wasn't here." Stephen talked about Josh's amazing skill. "But I was more talented, right?"
"Strawberries." Kennard said, and it was enough to shut him up. Kennard grinned because his plan worked out
"What's with strawberry?" I felt stupid for not knowing.
Fredd chuckled and started the story. "Stephen is already dating Cel and she said she loved strawberries."
Kennard stole the narration and continued, "And our lover boy here gave her a basket of strawberries fresh from Baguio last week."
Stephen snorted and said, "But it turned out Cel was allergic to them."
"Really?" I asked for confirmation to the guy who did not spoke but who I was looking for was not there. However, another guy who did not spoke before answered my doubt. "I wish you were there to see her reaction!"
The radio burst the song of Mayday Parade with the lyrics "Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it." The line was repeated in the song. Jeez, I had hoped I could not see him today that was why I really did not see him, but I guess it was for the better. I was not yet ready to confront him.
We went in the mall, all five of us. First on the list: arcade. The arcade reminded me of the album Josh gave me. I felt angry at him for not coming, whatever the reason. We bought tokens and power cards to spend. I was not in the mood that's why I only bought few.
"I'm hungry guys. I think we should eat first." Gabe said.
Stephen slapped Gabe's stomach jokingly. "You're always hungry, man! We're already in the arcade."
"You can eat popcorn or ice cream over there." Kennard pointed to the carts on side.
Gabe stared at his tokens and card. "Ha, lemme kick their asses off." He rushed to enter the gigantic arch of the arcade that reached the ceiling .
"What is he talking about?" I asked. Fredd shrugged and led our way to follow Gabe.
I played and tried my best to enjoy but I could not. There were times when I would fake a laugh or smile for my friends not to feel the wrongness in my mind. One time, when Kennard and I were playing a car racing video game, he glanced at me and patted my shoulder. "Josh wanted to say sorry that he can't come. There was this... this..." he stopped himself and paraphrased, "He had matters to do."
"Ohh," I nodded and did not look at him. I acted busy with my game. "It's fine. We can have fun even without him."
When I received no wordly reply, I glanced and saw him staring at me. "What?" I asked, playing tough.
"Nothing, just wondering."
I skipped my game and entered a conversation with him. Maybe he could tell me about Rapunzel. Among all the guys I was with, Kennard was the most serious. "Do you like Joshua more than just friends?"
"This is terribly crazy." I leaned on my steering wheel and gripped it.
"You're the one who told us that 'True love is inevitable.' I remembered that because it was the thing that I kept in me to be with Alex." He said and smiled lightly. Fredd walked in and leaned on the backseat of Kennard's game chair.
"I--I..." I paused and laughed sarcastically. "I am one of those people who hurt and still love so much."
"So you love him?" Fredd asked. He suddenly entered our conversation-bubble but it was fine with me. They were the people next to Asaila that I was with often.
"Not yet. Crush, maybe. But I don't know. I don't want to deepen it."
"True Love is unavoidable!" Fredd repeated.
"I guess I can still force myself to choose otherwise. It was hard to avoid unwanted feelings but anyone can, I guess. Hard is different from impossible."
"But you're the one who also said love cannot be forced away or closer. Thonia, you're against your beliefs." And with that, I wanted to hate Fredd, but I could not because he was right. All I had said got mixed up in my head. To summarize all up and make my mind clear, "It varies," I said to them. There were instances when we could still do something or choose what might happen; the next was that after we do everything we could, we just have to trust God for whatever would happen, because no possible progress could be done.
"Have no more tix or load." Stephen approached us with Gabe. "Taco Bell?"
I smiled and stood. "Come on, the games made me hungry."
~
We planned to buy pizza while someone was taking orders at Taco Bell because the line was pretty long. I suggested buying the pizza on the other fast food; Kennard and Fredd accompanied me. We were not talking on the way. I did not want to talk because I was afraid of what I might say.
We successfully bought a box of party-size pizza. On the way back, I walked few steps ahead of them. Halfway, I decided to end this nonchalant play of silence. I turned back to talk to them but they had stopped walking and stared somewhere. I walked near to ask what was wrong but when I turned to the direction where they were looking, I saw what caused their stunned expressions. It was Joshua and Rapunzel buying candies. "So, it was the 'more important matter' why he couldn't come to the hangout he planned in the first place." I walked forward to Taco Bell and ignored their concerned calling of my name.
"Thonia," Fredd followed my pace. "Tina and Josh..." I guess Rapunzel's name was Tina.
"I saw them in Kennard's photos. I know. It's fine. Seriously." Kennard reached us and Fredd looked at him, frowning.
"It wasn't official, you know." Fredd said. "Joshy didn't want to tell us the whole story. We don't know if it's really true."
"It can be. As what I've said, True love is inevitable. Maybe it's really them." Twice. I was broken twice within two weeks. What's worst? The guy who comforted me in my first pain was the one who caused the second.
How surprising love truly was!