𝗣𝗘𝗖𝗨𝗟𝗜𝗔𝗥 || o. sangwoo

39: Killing Me Softly

❝And so she drowns it all. 

Like she always does.❞

Her voice echoed around the bathroom, the fast beat of the song turned slow and distance as Ari sing it. It was such a fleeting moment as she sang the song, and it reminded Sangwoo how transient moments like this could be.

If his past self from two months ago hear his thought at this moment, he would have hollered in laughter. But Sangwoo only lives in the present, he doesn't care about the past nor the future, just the present. And right now, he's savoring what little time this fragile girl in his arms has left.

"When I asked you if you would cry when I die, you said no," Ari stated after a while. "I wonder if you're answer is still the same as then, Sangwoo."

Sangwoo let a second of silence passed through before he spoke.

"If I ask you if you still wanted to die, would your answer still be the same?"

He never hesitated in his life before. The breaking point was when his mother died, since then he never hesitated to kill. They are all the same after all, they scream and beg and cry. But Ari is different. She don't scream, she don't beg for her life and she don't cry for him not to kill her. It was her who seem tired of everything in this world.

"You know," Ari started. "It's alright if you don't cry. It's alright if no one misses me. And it's fine, you don't have to forgive me."

"Why would you ask for my forgiveness?" Sangwoo asked, scoffing at what he just heard.

"Because Sangwoo, you've killed many people before, you might not be able to be reincarnated again. Your soul will turn to ash. So it's fine if you don't have to forgive me for increasing your sin once you kill me."

This time, Sangwoo did scoff louder as he chuckled sarcastically. "You believe in that?"

"Reincarnation," he muttered.

He heard most of the people in Korea believe in that. When you do good things in your present life, you have a chance to be reincarnated in a wealthy or well-known family in your next life, or even if it's not the case, as long as you do good deeds, your next life is guaranteed to live in comfort. But once you do bad deeds, they say you will be no less and more than an animal in your next life. But if that bad deed includes killing someone, Sangwoo shook his head as his thoughts halted right there.

"So?" He asked. "I don't believe in such thing anyways."

"You don't think we might see each other again in our next life?"

Ari felt his shoulder started to shake and then he was chuckling until that chuckle turn to laughter. Sangwoo shook his head as he calmed himself from hollering in laughter.

"Even if it's true, do you think we'll be reincarnated? After everything we did, don't you think our souls would be set to burn into ashes? This is our last life, Ari. So I'll ask you again, would your answer still be the same?"

"Yes,"

She didn't even hesitate to say that one word and Sangwoo felt like the only thread keeping him connected to her had snap.

"Come to think of it," he started. "You tried to drown here a few times before. I think you'll drown here for real now."

Ari looked at the water in the tub. It showed her reflection and behind her she saw Sangwoo, but she couldn't see his face clearly. It's like he doesn't have a face to begin with, it seem smudge.

"Before that, Sangwoo, I want to tell you something."

"Hm?" Sangwoo hummed. "It feels like you're the one stalling time now, Ari."

Sangwoo wanted to get this over with. Or he might end up changing his mind. But he also wanted to hear what she's going to say for it would be the last thing she'll ever say.

"A letter," she said. "I wrote a letter. I put in a box where I kept the photos I have taken for the past months."

"A letter? For who?"

"For you," Ari answered before she turned around to face Sangwoo. "You don't have to read it if you don't want to. You can tear it to shreds or even burn it, I don't care. I'm just telling you in case you might want to read something very important there."

Sangwoo furrowed his brows. "Why would you write a letter if you can just tell me now."

"The thing is," Ari started, before her lips slowly turned up in a smile, the smallest of smile she could make still looks as if it's drowning in so much sadness. "The thing is, I can't bring myself to tell you."

Slowly, her hands found his. Cold yet it wasn't shaking, she held his arm towards her and Sangwoo touched her chest. The slow rhythmic beat of her heart didn't show any sign of beating faster. It was gradual, just enough proof that she isn't afraid.

His hand slowly went up, wrapping his fingers around her neck. Sangwoo watched as she closed her eyes, even if her lips turned down now her smile still seem evident.

"It's alright Sangwoo," she said. "You can kill me softly."

Her voice sounded as if she accepted death already. And Sangwoo knew that. He knew yet he was still hesitating.

"Fuck it," he muttered, his jaw clenching before he pushed Ari down, letting her slowly drown.