Harder Than You Know (Austin Mahone and Alex Constancio)

Chapter Eleven

~Aycin P.O.V.~

I was a little upset that Alex told everyone that we were together already. I mean, I didn't barely want to be with him in the first place, he kind of talked me into it. And I know that I'm the one that said yes, but I had told Natalie that I wouldn't and I went back on that. I never go back on things.

After that whole announcement that Alex did, I went upstairs to my room, locking myself in. I grabbed my laptop. I didn't even want to get on Facebook. Not Youtube, either, so I signed onto my old Webkinz account. Something I hadn't been on in a while, but it always made me feel better. Less stressed. It made me feel like a kid. 

I was only about ten minutes into playing with my dog, Jack, when there was a knock on my door. I didn't bother answering it, but apparently someone had a key, because the door opened. I turned to see Michele Mahone standing in the doorway. I clicked out of Webkinz almost immediately. 

"You aren't on a site that will get you into trouble, are you?" She asked, almost smiling.

"No. I'm on a site that'll make me look like a little kid." When she laughed, I knew it was okay.

"So, Natalie told me about you and Alex."  When I nodded, she smiled. "You know, I could tell by the way that you looked at him that you liked him." 

I shrugged. "In all honesty, I didn't want to at first. Like, I did, but then I saw Erin, and I was like oh heck no but now, I realize that it's ok. He's an awesome guy." 

She nodded thoughtfully. "That's true. I've known him since he was little, and over the summer, he practically lives with us." She laughed. "But, I'm glad that you are getting along." It was my turn to nod. "How about you and Austin?" 

I felt myself go a little rigid. "You could say," I said hesitantly. "We're pretty close already."

She didn't seem to notice that I was hesitant in telling her, because she continued. "I heard, also, that you talked to your mom today." 

I completely froze when she brought my mom up. "Ah, yeah. She just wanted to check up on me, is all." 

"Even though you haven't talked in how many years?"

"Mrs. Mahone, I don't know-"

"Alycin, look, I won't pretend like I know what you are going through with your mom. But, if you need to talk about anything, I'll listen. And I won't judge. Okay?" 

I nodded. "Thank you." 

"Oh, and Mrs. Mahone was my mom. Call me Mama Mahone." I smiled and said okay, and she left the room. I fell against the pillows and let out a breath. I really felt like I had to tell someone the truth about my mom. But I couldn't find anyone that would listen. I swore to God the day that Kailee had put me in therapy for months, I wouldn't go back, and I wasn't going anywhere to talk to my mom.

I imagined patterns in the ceiling that weren't there, and thought about the day that I left home. The day that really made me feel insecure. The day that made me hate myself. 

"I don't understand why you do this, Kase." My mom had muttered, turning into the driveway. "You act like such a spoiled brat." 

"I can't help it. I learned from the best." I smirked. "Besides, I don't want a knock-off brand of pants. I want the real stuff." 

"A fifty dollar pair of jeans?" 

"Well, yeah, mom. Why not?"

"You'll be grown out of them in a week." She pulled into the garage and unlocked the doors, turning off the car.

And that was the beginning of it. The real fight was what had happened later in the day. But I didn't want to remember that. I pushed it to the back of my mind, covered it with anger and hatred and then me. Like Batman. But, really, I lied to myself. I used to be picture perfect. And then I met Natalie. And I turned from a tomboy to a prep at school, fixing my hair and clothes every day, and then my mom and I started fighting. And I moved out. And I went back to a tomboy. But, my mom wasn't a horrible person. I had turned into one. And that was only half of it.

There was a knock on my door. A series of three sticato notes. "Yes, Natalie?" 

She walked in quietly, closing and locking the door behind her. "What did you say to your mom?" 

"We've discussed this." I said slowly, sitting up in the bed to look at her. 

"Alyce, I don't care. Remember, we got rid of her. You're one with her." I nodded slowly and looked away. "You even changed your name, remember? You can't go back." 

I sighed and nodded. "You don't even know the whole story, Natalie." When she gave me a blank look I nodded again. "I'm the reason we had been fighting." 

"I thought that you wanted to get away?" She mumbled. 

"I wasn't lying when she said I don't deserve to be loved. That was true. And her telling me to leave and never come back. And it was all over those stupid jeans...."

She shrugged. "It's over now. Just leave it, okay? One more year of school...."

I cut her off with a shake of my head and told her to leave. I needed to think. She said okay and left, letting Alex in on her way out. He kissed my cheek and smiled.

"Hey," I mumbled. 

"You okay?" 

I nodded. "I'm just thinking."

"About what, babe?" My heart fluttered when he called me that. When I shrugged, he wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up. "Are you okay?" 

"I just answered that. I'm just.... I don't deserve to be loved, Alex. Okay? Why are e together if I dont deserve it?"

"What are you saying? Of course you deserve that! Alyce....."

I shook my head. "No. Not now. I just need sleep." 

He nodded and laid me back down.

~Austin P.O.V.~

Natalie and I started watching a movie in her room when she came back from talking to Allie. I wondered what was wrong. She said nothing, but it was obviously something....