Her Portrait Is Black and White

Friday

Tina rested her head back against the car seat, her eyes closed. Her fists clenched. Her mind was racing. She had decided to try and think about her breathing, she was taking slow deep breaths to try and level everything out. This was a big weekend for her. A massive step forward. A couple of days away from hospital which had recently become her safe space. She knew she had to take these steps forward if she wanted to come home full time. If she wanted to start living her life again.

Bette looked over at her wife as she turned onto the road that led to their house. She knew that Tina was finding this difficult. She hadn't been home since she had walked out of the house six weeks ago. Bette turned the car onto their long drive, and she watched as Tina slowly unclenched her fists like she knew where she was. Her eyes were still tightly closed. Bette pulled up in front the house and switched of the engine.

Bette gently reached over and took her wife's hands into hers. Very slowly Tina opened her eyes and turned to her head to look at Bette, Bette smiled gently.

"Welcome home Ti," Bette said softly.

Tina smiled softly.

"Thanks," Tina looked around at the house. A home she loved; she could see that it hadn't changed. This was still the house that her and Bette had built together.

"You okay?" Bette asked, not wanting to push her.

"I think so, erm." Tina looked down at her hands, at her wedding ring. "Is Xavier okay?"

"Yes, he is inside with his nurse, It's Sarah-Jayne today."

"I feel like I'm a little useless,"

"You're not. This is about a slow and steady recovery to ensure that you can come home full time." Bette smiled softly at her wife. Reaching over she gently moved a stray piece of hair out of her face. Tucking it behind her ear.

"It does feel nice to be home,"

"Do you want to go in?" Bette asked smiling gently.

"Yeah,"

Tina slowly opened the door and got out of the car, forgetting about her bag in the bag. She walked towards the front door. She turned taking in the clear air. She took a deep breath. It was freeing to be back on her ranch. She watched as Bette brought her bag

"Sorry,"

"Don't be okay?" Bette smiled.

They walked back into the house and Bette put the bag down onto the sofa. As Tina just retook in their house. The artwork that covered the walls. The place was still. She walked into the kitchen. She picked up her mug which was on the side and smiled, looking out of the window she saw her studio. Everything seemed normal. She heard Bette talking to someone. She didn't turn. She wasn't ready to talk to another new person. She knew that this person was helping with her son but she knew she wasn't coping well with new people in her life. Tina slowly moved around the kitchen and decided to make herself and Bette a mug of tea. She got on with the task.

Bette paid Sarah-Jayne and then went into the kitchen, watching for a moment as Tina made the tea, remembering at once were everything was.

"Sarah-Jayne has gone, Michael, another nurse will be here later to help."

"Okay," Tina nodded.

Bette looked at her wife and could see she was a little stressed. Bette walked closer and took Tina's hands into her, trying to help her calm down a little the last thing she wanted was for her wife to get overly stressed.

"Ti it's okay,"

"Its strangers in my house," Tina whispered.

Bette smiled softly, gently pulling Tina closer to her. Tina stepped forward into her wife's personal space. She trusted Bette completed.

"I know, babe, I know," Bette said slowly. "Xavier needs the extra help and they are fully trained to ensure that he gets the best care. They are not baby sitters they are medical trained staff."

"I know, I know, I'm just a little tense." Tina admitted.

"It's natural don't worry." Bette said softly.

Xavier's cry came down the baby monitor and Bett moved away, heading upstairs, leaving Tina alone.

Tina finished making the mugs of tea, walking into the living room she put them onto the large oak coffee table before sitting onto the large sofa, sinking into the cushions. She smiled at the smell and feel of the familiar.

Tina turned her head when she heard Bette coming down the stairs smiling when she saw an alert Xavier watched Bette's every move. Like he was judging her. Bette walked around the sofa and sat beside Tina. Bette slowly passed her son to his other mother. Smiling when Tina took him, kissing the top of his head. The pair were bonding. Tina lay her son on with his head on her knees and gently pushing his feet against her stomach, Tina's own feet resting on the coffee table.

Xavier looked at her with dark expressive eyes. Taking in his mother. Tina smiled down at him, giving him as much attention as she could.

"Love you little man," Tina whispered. As she tickled his stomach.

This felt natural. Bette took in her family.

"He is getting bigger," Tina smiled as he took hold of her finger.

"He is the doctors are pleased with him, his organs are all functioning correctly, and he is becoming more alert. He may be a little slower than some kids to pick some stuff up but he will get there." Bette said proudly.

"You're an amazing mother," Tina said suddenly. Looking up at her wife. Her eyes full of seriousness. "I've messed this up completely. My feelings were overwhelming, and I've let them get between me and my own son."

"I know this is easier said than done Ti, but you have to believe me. You are ill. It may not be physically, but you are, and we need to learn to manage that, as well as our live. I'm here for you and him. You are my family. I love you. I love him. You're a good mom, you've just got to give yourself time."

"When I first meet you all that time ago, when you stood in my old studio and I was take aback by your beauty. I never thought that I'd be married and settled down with you. I mean...listening to Alice you are the great Bette Porter. The lady slayer."

"I was never a lady slayer." Bette laughed. Her fingers absently playing with Tina's hair.

"I'm 30 on Sunday Bette. I'm in a mental hospital."

"You can't think like that." Bette said, "We need to think positive, you're amazing art career, our marriage, our child, our family. The fact we are happy Ti, yes this is crap right now. We are working hard to keep this together. I want us to celebrate your Birthday. 30 is always a fun birthday."

"What did you do on yours?"

"Well it was nine years ago babe,"

"I know," Tina raised her eyebrow. "I still want to know."

"I got very drunk in LA, Jodi and I were still together. She wasn't impressed about how drunk I was. Alice's fault by the way. But I'm sure she will tell you the story."

"I'm sure she will, do you remember much?"

"No, not really. It wasn't fun really."

"I want a quiet birthday B, please no surprise party."

"I can promise you one thing Ti, there will be no surprise party." Bette smiled. Wrapping her arms around her wife's shoulders and smiling down at her son glad that for the next few days there were a family at home.