Savage Love - Broken Jewel

18 - Oh, The Regrets!

Jacob's POV

He was her brother, I killed her brother.

I killed my mate's brother, her only family left. Her body still lies in my hands, not moving, not breathing.

I can't let anyone find out, my mate committed suicide, because of me.

My actions. My actions killed her.

Oh, the regrets!

But sometimes, it feels as if I'm not in control of most of my actions, I don't know, it's just...there. My moods change drastically like I'm a puppet in the hands of someone. I feel a swing of emotions at once, and when I try to takeover myself, I just feel mad.

I know I'm going crazy.

I mind link one of the border patrol officers, to come immediately to The Isolate.

Twenty minutes later I hear the door to the Isolate open, he's here. I kiss her forehead as my tears dry on her cheeks.

"Jerry, come in here," I say to a middle aged, Mexican-looking man, with a small potbelly and a short trimmed beard, in his late forties.

"Yes Alpha?" He asks and bows his head to me.

"Can I trust you, Jerry?" I ask him, searching his eyes for the truth.

"You can trust me Alpha," he says. From the look in his eyes, he says the truth.

"She committed suicide. Take her body to the border of the pack. Tomorrow you will announce that you found her body there, probably killed by a rogue, understood?" I say. I know I'm doing. If I leave her here, the question will be, how did she get in? I don't want to put the pack in fear so I can't say she was killed in the pack. So it'll be that she was killed on the borders, probably while crossing.

"Understood Alpha," I see fear in his eyes, but it is soon masked by a serious face.

"Take her," I say, he carries her off me and takes her away.

I don't want to give him her body, but it doesn't seem like I have much of a choice.

Why am I sad? This is what I wanted, right?

But I feel an even bigger hole open in my heart. I lost my wolf, my mate and my...life.

I feel dead, lost, incomplete. I stand up from the floor stained with blood, I clean my face up. I killed my mate

I killed my mate.

I killed my mate.

I killed my mate.

I feel a stabbing pain in my heart as I leave the Isolate and walk down the road. I feel another stab and another and another, it keeps coming nonstop.

I fall to the ground and clench my heart, I feel like I'm being stabbed in the same spot over and over again.

The moon goddess is punishing me, I deserve it. Please give me more pain, please.

I feel the pain more become more intense. I'm getting my punishment.

I deserve it. I feel dizzy and see black spots in my vision. Before I knew it, I was out.

......

I wake up in my bedroom with my mum holding my hand with tears streaming down her face.

Why do I keep hurting people?

"Oh, my baby!" My mum exclaims as she hugs me tight to her chest.

"I thought I lost you, I thought you'd never wake up. I thought that after the pulse stopped, that you- "

"Who's pulse?" I asked confused.

Wait, did I die?

"You stopped breathing, the pack doctor couldn't do anything because she thought you were dead. I was worried for days," she says and wipes her cheeks with the back of her palms.

"Days? How many days have I been unconscious?" I asked and sit up, not so easy.

I still had this eerie feeling that something wasn't right, something isn't right.

"It's my mate that you killed and no one knows about it," Zander says with so much bitterness in his tone.

"Zander, I- " before I could finish my sentence, he blocks me out.

"Are you okay, son?" My mum says with a compassionate look on her face.

I don't deserve pity or love or anything good. I never gave it to the person who needed it the most, so why would I get it.

"Can I be alone?" I ask ignoring her question.

She was hesitant at first before she stood up and left the room.

I have to keep myself together, not just for me, but for my family and my pack.

But what is an alpha without a Luna? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I stand up from the bed with my hand in my hair, pulling and dragging it. From the way I'm dragging my curly hair, I'm sure it would become straight really soon.

I kick the chair beside the bed and it goes flying across the room.

I pick up another chair and throw it out of the window, shattering the glass.

The door slams open and my mum rushes to me.

I fall to the ground with a small thud and lean my back on the wall, closing my eyes.

I see my mate, all those years I tortured her and made her feel like nothing. I wasn't in control of myself whenever I was with her. I become so angry and devilish.

Something's wrong with me.

"My poor baby, cry in mama's arms," my mum says. She kneels beside me and hugs me tightly.

Only then did I realise that I was crying. I rested my head on her shoulder and cried. All the times I shouted at her, I hit her, I hurt her, I abused her, they're all coming back to me.

Why do I feel like I'm not in control sometimes? Or this is just the guilt?

And what surprises me is that the feeling that controls me whenever she's around isn't there anymore. It probably died too when I killed her. Or it got what it wanted. I feel like a puppet. An abandoned puppet, crying in its mum's arms.

"Mum I was wrong. I shouldn't have done it...I shouldn't have, but I wasn't in control, I can swear it, I wasn't. I wanted to love her mum, I tried- " I said between sobs.

"Love? Did you find your mate?" She asked, bewildered.

I didn't reply her, I just stayed there, with my head in her shoulder, weeping my eyes out.

"When you're ready, come tell me, okay?" She says and gets up the floor. She kneels again and kisses me on my forehead and tells me it will be okay, but she doesn't know that it'll never be alright again.

Never be alright again, because.....

Because of me.

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Hola! I want you to give this book a little time jump...that may be not so little to you guys. I just don't like really long books, it makes me crave answers to my unanswered questions.

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