unmendable ⍟ jaemin

↳ 25

back to the past

" what happened? "

"I don't know "

" How can you not know, weren't you- "

" I WASNT WITH HER, I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED " jaemin screamed, his fist coming in contact with taeyong's desk with a loud bang.

" I don't know anything, " he seethed out, his hand clenching the cold air as he's cold emotionless eyes pierced his brother's.

Taeyong leant back on to his leather chair, his elbows resting on the armrest as he let out a loud sigh. " when y/n goes back to school, I want you to pick her up. " taeyong informed jaemin, " we also have two new members arriving. "

Jaemin nodded, taeyong's words barely processing in his mind. his brain was filled with the thoughts about y/n and what Dino might have said to her during their conversation.

" Jaemin, " taeyong's stern voice cut his train of thoughts, " don't do anything stupid, you know y/n wouldn't like that. "

Jaemin unclenched his hand which had turned white by this time, " don't use her as a reason for me to control my actions. "

the slam of the door signified jaemin's exit from the room, he took no notice of the stares and curious eyes of his gang members, he hadn't had the patience to deal anything at that point of time so he left the base.

the squall of the harsh cold wind blew on his face once he pushed the door open. the temperature outside was a stark contrast to that of the base, which gave a warm and cosy vibe, unlike the icy-cold temperature.

" Is he okay? " Jisung voiced out, worry evident in his voice.

" Are you stupid? " Yuta asked the younger one, " he's obviously not okay " 

💔

Although Jaemin was only in track pants and a black shirt, the cold wind outside didn't bother him the slightest. It was cold, no shit, but he couldn't feel anything. He was numb to the coldness and his mind was in a complete mess.

He was back to being a walking bomb, ticking and ticking, ready to explode any time. When he lost everything, he buried his anger and frustration in him, taking them out only during missions. He killed and tortured enemies as if it was just like playing a game of pubg.

He lived his life like this until y/n came along, she was like his safety pin, helping him release his built-up negative emotions so that happiness could be a common emotion inside him.

He wanted to protect her, just like he promised himself when he was younger but at this point he wasn't even sure if he was capable of doing that anymore.

With his hands stuffed into his pockets, he walked on. Watching as various types of people walk to whatever destination they were heading to.

Elderly, families, adults, and of course couples were brisk walking due to the rather harsh weather condition. some- mostly couples-were, however, strolling casually as they huddled close together to contain body heat.

All jaemin wanted to do was to snap their hands into two and tape their mouth so that their maddening flirtings would stop.

But he wasn't able to.

Jaemin sat on a bench that had been exposed to the elements of many seasons, the brown and orange autumn leaves rustled against themselves as it was blown by the wind. He just sat there, watching people of different walks of life brisk past him without a second glance without much of an emotion inside him. The longer he sat there, the more emotions escaped from him.

Just like a walking zombie, no thoughts, no emotions or any of that sort. He was going back to what he was before he met Y/n again and he wasn't doing anything to stop it. He just let it come with no fight, he had given up on fighting against everything and he was more than ready to let everything else come naturally. 

Or you could call him an old painting, the colours fading and fading from it as time goes on and it couldn't do anything to stop it.

" Everything will be okay, " was something Jaemin had heard for about more than enough and during the time he sat on that old bench by the walkway, he had eventually convinced himself that even something that was not okay- like him being somewhat like an empty can- was actually okay.