unmendable ⍟ jaemin

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y/n sighed, ruffling her hair up in frustration. the chances of jeno's idea actually working are... slim. if jaemin wasn't willing to even speak to jeno, what makes them think that jaemin would talk to her?

she shut her room door behind her, taking a seat by her desk as she eyed the antidepressants on it.
( antidepressants are medication to help treat depression )

sighing yet again, she popped the tasteless pill into her mouth and swallowed it with the help of water. she was frustrated by the itch on her arms but didn't have the energy to scratch it. she just felt so useless because she didn't think she'd be of any help to jaemin and she just felt so guilty about it.

y/n walked out of her room after 30 minutes of staring at her bed, she wanted to think of all the possible reasons to jaemin's behaviour but she just can't seem to focus. she made her way to the kitchen to pour a glass of water for him before proceeding to his room which was just a few doors away from her's, knocking on the door but receiving no reply.

" he didn't hear me come in "

she recalled jeno's words, pushing the door open without any acknowledgement from jaemin who was just sitting on his bed without doing anything as his notifications dinged repeatedly.

" jaemin? " she whispered, afraid that he might explode at her like he did to jeno.

" jaemin? " she said, loulder and with more firmness in her tone.

he flinched, at the sudden volume he had heard her voice in, spinning around in his chair to face her.

" did you knock? " he asked, sounding almost tired of himself though he himself wasn't feeling any sort of tiredness in him.

" yeah... " her voice trailed off, her heart creaking from the state jaemin was in, " drink some water. "

jaemin ran a hand through his hair, " im not thirsty so get out. "

y/n scoffed, walking towards him anyway, " drink like a sip. " she insisted.

" no, get out. " jaemin deadpanned, trying his best to control the shout that was about to escape from him.

" just like a sip. "

" I SAID GET OUT, " he yelled, not even knowing why he found the need to yell, shoving her hand which held the glass of water away.

the glass met the ground, the impact from the drop causing it to shatter into a million pieces.

y/n took a step back instinctively, she was shocked at his sudden out burst and terrified of this side of him.

she knelt down to pick up the shattered glass sheds that laid on the floor with trembling hands but jaemin's voice stopped her from doing so.

" get out, y/n... " his voice came out softer and for once it was filled with an emotion either then anger or no emotion at all, " please... "

her heart ached, as she reached out to hold onto jaemin's hand but he pulled away, " jaemin, tell me what's wrong bubs, i'm- "

" i can't, i'll only hurt you- " he mumbled, pushing her hand further away. resting his elbows on his knees and tugging at the roots of his hair.

" go " his tone instantly becoming cold as he released his grip on his hair.

y/n ignored him, though she was afraid of something happening, she decided to clear the glass pieces on the ground first.

bad idea.

she'd never actually thought that she would get a cut just from picking up some shattered glass, afterall, that usually only happens in some romantic k-drama series.

she wasn't the slightest bit bothered though, she have had so many scars made by glass piercing through her skin before and she felt like she deserved the pain.

however, she didn't know that it made jaemin feel worse then ever. for the hundredth time, he blamed himself for not taking care of her properly.

" get out... " his voice that came out hoarse, whispered, " please, y/n, i'm begging you. "

her eyes travelled upwards, her fist clenching and her nails digging into her palm, " why? jaemin, why? why can't i be there for you? why can't anyone be there for you? " she asked, her voice cracking with emotion, " why are you pushing everyone away? why are you pushing me away? tell me what's wrong. I'm here jaemin, I always am and I'm not going anywhere. "

she tried her best to read his eyes, but it all just seemed... empty. for a second, she was sure that she saw a flicker of sadness behind them but it vanished as soon as it came.

jaemin's heart ached, the sincerity in her voice making him want to break down and tell her everything.

but something in the depths of him didn't want to.

it was like the angel and the devil inside him and it stressed him out more then ever. it drove him over the edge to the point where he slipped out of his chair, half unconscious due to the lack of food and water and the amount of pressure his brain was putting on himself.

his knees and palms touching the floor as tears started slipping out of his eyes, sliding down his cheeks and eventually falling onto the ground.

" i can't, i- i can't even protect you- " jaemin's fingers clawing at the ground as he tried to remain conscious, " and you'll keep getting hurt because i can't be there to protect you. "

" pl-please, go to someone who can protect you, someone who can prevent you from hurting yourself, " his voice trembled, " i don't deserve you... "

y/n's heart clenched, her hand reaching out to grab onto his as her eyes glimmered with tears due to his state, " but i want to be there for you,  i don't care if i get hurt. "

" because i love you, na jaemin. "

↳ shittt okay this chapter suckss my english is so ew and im so so so so sooo sorry for that.
urmm anyways, try to diagnose jaemin w a disorder —