[p o e t r y]

Falling Out Of Love

I'm scared that
I'm falling out of love
And it hurts
And it scares me

I think I'm falling out of love

I've read the wiki hows
And I've looked at the pictures
The pictures of us
And I've held his hand
But somehow
It just all makes me sick
I'm sick with fear
I'm sick with anger
And I'm sick on exhaustion
You know that twisting
Nauseating feeling
That you get
When you see something
You wish you could unsee?
That's how I felt the other day
When he wrapped his arms around me

I had to leave
To make up some excuse
About going to the bathroom
Because
Somehow
Someway
This kindly touch
Felt like screams to me
I felt nauseous
And angry
"Like how could he
Dare to touch me?"

As if he hasn't held my hands
A thousand times
And hugged my waist a million
As if how I fit into his arms
Isn't like a puzzle piece

I don't know
I feel sick

I scared I'm falling out of love
Because
Today when we fought
It wasn't a normal argument
It didn't resolve right
Though it ended well
I felt so tired...
So tired
At the end.
I didn't care anymore
It didn't matter
If he was right
Or if I was
It didn't matter
I just wanted it to be over
So I finished it

I scared I'm falling
Out of love
Because tonight
I couldn't smile with my teeth
I smiled for him
And reassured that we'd be okay
So that he'd go to sleep
But somehow
I don't know if I believe
Myself anymore
I'm so tired

But I don't want him gone
I want him with me
I want him to love me
And most of all
I want to feel
Like I'm in love
With him
Again

I feel helpless
And I'm scared
That I'm falling
Out of love
Because things just
Don't feel right tonight

(10/28/20)