[p o e t r y]

Little Miss Independant

My friends
Joke around
And call me
"Little Miss Independent"
My father and mother
Tell me I'm independent
And I act confident
In my independence

I'm stubborn
I work hard
And if I want to do it
By myself
I will
I wanted to graduate high school
With all A's
And I did
I wanted to go to college
And I did
I wanted the honors program
And I got in
I wanted lead anchor
And I got it
I wanted straight As in college
And I got it
I want a career
And I will have one

But I don't know if I want
A child
And so I don't know
If I'll ever have kids

And I do want a husband
I want to grow old
With someone
I love so dearly
And who I know
Loves me
So intricately, intimately, and interwovenly
Thag we are one
I want a husband
Who loves the Lord
More than he loves me
And I want a husband
Who loves to adventure
Who will live in an airstream with me
And who will let me
Decorate our future house
In neutral colors
And vintage cameras
And I want to read books
And sit by the fire
With the man I love
And I want to be loved

I want to be loved
But more than that
I want a man who's worth loving
I want a man who
I know is perfect for me
Not perfect
But perfect for me
I want to marry a man
Who is better than me
Who I know is better than me
In every way
Who will challenge me
To be better
In every way
I want a man who loves the Lord
Who loves adventure
Who loves to learn
Who loves me for my
Independence
And challenges me to be better
Independently & interwovenly

When you marry
Two become one
And I want so desperately
A man who is worth
Being one with
I want a man
Who's independence
I am not afraid to lose
Mine to
I want a man
Who in becoming one with
I only lose the independence
Of being an individual
Not the independence
Of being myself

And my greatest fear
Is that I will never marry
And I will never be loved
And I will never love
Because I am too independent
And because I do not know
If I want children
And thus I fear that
There is something wrong with me
And that my independence
May be a flaw in my personality
And not a good thing in me
Because I have yet
To meet a man
Who will encourage my
Independence
And who will love me
And encourage me
To work
To adventure
To learn
And to not simply
Raise children
And stop
Working
And stop
Adventuring

Am I wrong to be
Independent?
Is it imposible
To be loved by a godly man
And still be independent?
Does childbearing and rearing
Make me a godly Christian woman?
And does not raising a child
Make me selfish
And not wifey material?
Is it selfish to want adventure, work,
Learning, growth, and love?

(08/01/21)