COLLATERAL LOVE

CHAPTER 18

ESETHU

I close my eyes, and balance the back of my head against the wall, my knees up to my chest as tears falls at the corners of my eyes. The shame and embarrassment I'm feeling right is nothing compared to the embarrassment of my divorce, and my best friend's betrayal this really broke me, after Billy torturing me for hours until I got numb from the pains he stopped, and dragged me across the rough floor I didn't even scream, kick, or plead with him to stop or be lenient with me, no. I just kept quiet until they dumped me here in this so not pleasant smelling stuffy room, I'm with some other girls we're more than 15, and this room is so small for all of us, but what choice do we have? None. The room smells of urine, shit, blood, medication, yazini it smells of anything you can think of. And the crying & squirming of the girls ain't making things easy for me.

“I wish I can just die, and be free from all this torture. I'm sure my mother is worried sick about me wherever she is, but how can she not when her daughter have disappeared for weeks without no sign of coming back home? The sleepless night they're having and hoping that they will see me entering right through the door unharmed it's breaking my heart, even if by the grace of God, we manage to leave this place I doubt I will ever be the same again. These men are making me to hate sex, they are sick in their heads very sick old as they are,” one girl says, and the other one laughs. You can detect the pain in her voice...

“God? Don't talk about God. That man doesn't care about us. He doesn't give a fuck, how many times have we been praying, huh? Praying to him to rescue us? How many bloody fucking times, and how many girls did we lost in the hands of these men? Where was he? Don't you dare mention his name here because as far as I'm concerned that God of yours doesn't exist, or maybe he is sleeping peacefully, and we are here busy disturbing him. We must all accept that we're going to be sex slaves for these foreign internationals, we are doomed, dead there's no leaving this place. The sooner we accept that the better for all of us!” This one is angry, furious that is. Her voice carries so much anger, and a pinch of pain. She's right though, God doesn't exist, he ain't there period. And as for me, I've long given up on him shame he doesn't care about us, at all.

Girl 1: “I understand your anger, but don't you dare talk about God like that.”

Her: “Yoh, haike. Leave me alone because I'm telling you that there's no God, just don't argue with me,” the door opens, and all the girls keep quiet whoever the person is, is clearly feared by all these girls.

“Time to freshen up, your buyers are on their way, but Signora is not going anywhere, she must remain behind. Dom's orders, everyone else please follow me,” it's a female, and her accent is so South African. So, our very own women are in this business too? What a cruel world this is, we are not safe, what goes in her mind when she sees all these girls looking so lost & broken especially these young ones? What goes in her mind when sees girls as young as 14 years being treated like a dog? Yet, she is a woman? Sies.

“Girl, we're leaving,” another girl tells me nudging me. “Let's go before the Dom comes here, and deals with you,” I open my eyes, and it's only the 2 of us, she looks so young, and very frail maarn.

Me: “I can't leave. You heard what that woman said. So, it's best I remain behind I don't want to make Dom angry I really don't. I don't think I can stand any more torture from him,” she squeezes my shoulder.

Her: “You are his Signora?” I nod. She's not believing it, her voice is giving that away. “Oh, wow. Urhm... Okay. Let me get going then, and I hope that someone will buy me tonight because I'm tired of staying here, they buy them all, and leave me, yet I've been here more than anyone else, please wish me luck,” she gets up, and step out of the room leaving me alone, oh. I forgot to mention that there are no windows in this room, so I can't tell whether it's late at night or what, sighs. I don't want anything, I just need to close my eyes forever if possible, I wonder how is Nqobile holding up, and if they really did let her go, or they were bluffing. Sighs, I'm dragged out of my thoughts by a familiar scent, and it can only be Billy's scent, I don't even bother looking at him, he disgusts me, I hate him. For real, I really do.