I've been looking for this one thing for a very long time na. I never feel contented with what is happening with my life kahit sobrang ganda na nang nangyayari saakin. Even if with me getting all of the things I can acquire, there is still one thing that I felt kulang saakin. Kahit anong hanap ko rito ay hinding-hindi ko ito nakukuha.
Katabi ko rin si Ethan ngayon while also waiting for Connor to come. Dapat mag-isa lang talaga akong pupunta pero nag-pumilit si Ethan na sumama saakin. When I think about it, okay narin na sumama si Ethan in that way I have someone to lean on lalo na't I'll talk to Connor about what really happened. We were seating on the most unnoticed side of the coffee shop para narin magkaroon kami ng konting privacy while we are talking. Medyo nakakahiya naman kung may makakita saamin, lalo na kung may makarinig sa usapan namin.
"Will you please relax. Hindi ka naman niya kakainin." Tawa ni Ethan. Tumawa nalang din ako ng mahina. I know he only wanted for me to relax because I am so tensed.
Nakita naming papasok si Connor sa coffee shop kaya pareho kaming napatingin ni Ethan dito habang nag-lalakad ito. Naka-ngiti ito ng babatiin niya sana si Ethan dahil hindi pa ata ako napapansin. Nang makita niya akong nasa tabi ni Ethan ay napatigil ito. Hindi kasi nito alam na kasama ako ni Ethan, he thought since Ethan was the one who called him kaya akala niya ay mag-isa lang ito.
Pero hindi ito nagsalita kung ano ba talaga ang nangyayari. Umupo na lamang ito sa harapan ko. Nakatingin lang ito saakin at hindi niya tinatanggal ang tingin nito saakin.
"So what is happening?" Hindi rin ako nag-sasalita while si Ethan naman ay nakatingin lang rin saakin at hinihinitay kung ano ang sasabihin ko. Tahimik lang kaming tatlo. I know I am the one who is supposed to start the conversation before what the hell are we doing kung hindi ako hihingi ng tawad.
"I'm sorry." Mahina at hindi ako nakatingin sakanya nang sinabi ko ito. Ethan is just patting me to go on.
Nakatingin lang saakin si Connor and he was waiting for me to continue whatever I am going to say pero ilang minuto na ang lumipas pero I am still not saying anything.
"For what then?" Hamon nito saakin.
Hindi ako tumitingin sakanya. "For what happened last time."
"Look at me and tell me why are you saying sorry." Demand nito saakin. Napatingin ako sakanya because of the tone of what he said. It sounded harsh and cold pero tanggap ko naman iyon because minsan din I am unreasonable especially what happened last time.
"About last time, I'm sorry. The time I burst out." Hindi parin talaga ako makatingin sakaya dahil hiyang hiya ako for what I had done. I also realized na I was being immature and mean that time. Hindi ako masyadong nag-isip for what may happened.
"Tell me something, Chione." Napatigil at napatingin ako sakanya dahil sa sinaad niya. "Why are you really doing do this?"
Napadiretso ng upo si Ethan because of what he heard. Nang napansin ko ito ay tinapik ko naman ang braso nito to relax for whatever he is thinking. Alam kong naiinis na ito kay Connor kasi kanina pa ako hinahamon.
"Don't talk to her like that." Tumaas na ang boses nito because he was offended for what he said. I think his morals are riling him up kasi kung hindi naman ito ay he wouldn't be that defensive to me.
"It's okay." Bulong ko rito because he is getting worked up. For all we know ayun lang pala ang gusto ni Connor.
Napansin kong hinihintay ni Connor kung ano iyong sasabihin ko.
"I'm sorry na I got worked up nung isang beses, something was triggered inside me kaya naging ganun. I just know na hindi pa ako ready that time. Pero this is one thing I really want to have. I want a peace of mind. Baka kung nakuha ko yun, baka mas marami pang mag-bago. Hindi ko na din alam." Nakatingin lang ako kay Connor while saying that. "I really want to move on from this shit of a hell-ho but I do not know how."
Tuloy-tuloy na ang tulo ng luha ko. I didnt even bother wiping it away kahit ramdam ko ng inaabutan ako ng panyo ni Ethan to wipe away my tears.
"What got down? Ano bang nangyari Connor? I am going crazy just to know what the hell happened?" I practically begging him to just tell me what happened that time. Hinding hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang nangyayari.
Hinding-hindi tumitingin saakin si Connor, I feel like he doesnt have any intentions to tell me what I am asking.
"Connor, just tell her. Give her that please." Pakiusap ni Ethan to Connor. Tumango naman si Connor because si Ethan narin ang mismong nag-salita.
Few minutes passed nang magsalita ito.
"Remember the time when the company was having problems." Simula niya sa kwento niya. Tumango naman ako kasi alam kong nagkaroon ng problema nga kumpanya nila. "The company was hanging on the edge that time and Dad do not know how we are going to save the company because it is getting harder and harder as days pass by. I was still on school, wala pa akong maitulong sakanila. Kahit naman anong gusto kong gawin ay hindi nila ako pinapayagan. They said na I am supposed to be studying and not concern myself to the problem. Sabi nila I just need to live my life. Pero paano? When my whole family is facing the problem, then I would be having fun?"
Nakatingin lang ako sakanya. "Then, why didnt you tell us that you are having a hard time? Connor, I was your girlfriend! I am supposed to be by your side and supporting you. Rememeber you were there nung ako yung may problema pero nang ikaw na ang nagkaroon bigla nalang hindi na ako parte?" Masama ang tingin ko sakanya. Pero tuloy-tuloy parin ang mga salita na binibitawan ko. "Do you even planned on telling me this information? I feel like kung hindi pa ako nag-demand nito then I wouldnt even know this piece of an information."
Parehas kaming nag-titigan nalang dalawa. After what I said ay hindi ko rin alam kung ano ba na dapat pa ang sasabihin ko. Even Ethan is waiting for us to say anything.
"Then, after what happened. I cannot just stay still kaya I asked my family what I could do to help. I found out that I need to focus all of my energy to helping out. I cannot have my attention split into tiny pieces. I also know na it will be unfair to you kung ganun ang mangyari." After what he said is like having a punch bag been thrown to me. I still couldnt understand his actions but I just want to move on from this.
"Okay, guys. Then are now done here?" Nag-aalinlangan na tanong ni Ethan saamin since we are not talking anymore. There are also no trace of fresh tears coming out from our eyes.
Since there will be no words that is going to be exchange between the two of us. Tumayo na ako para umalis narin since we both got our closure. Bago pa ako makaalis ay pinigilan ako ni Connor.
"Let's start over, Chi."
DU LIEST GERADE
A Walk For You and Me (Friends Series #1)
JugendliteraturChione. The Snow Goddess, a UP Diliman Political Science student that is an aspiring Lawyer. The total opposite of her namesake. She always knows what she wants but then she met Connor, an Ateneo Engineering student. He was supposed to be warm and l...
