The Butterfly Defect

Chapter 5

Destery lay in his bed waiting impatiently. His demise couldn’t possibly come any quicker. He heard a knock on the door, and sighed loudly.

“If you come in, I will urinate on you.” He said flatly. It took effort for him to raise his voice, as he was about to pass out.

“I’ll take my chances.” A familiar voice responded. It was Alice. The sound of her voice made him want to be sick. His stomach lurched and he groaned. He wasn’t ready for her to see him on his death bed just yet.

He was about to decline her entrance, when the door opened. It was too late now.

“You’re interrupting.” Destery said in a rude voice. He didn’t care about respecting her any more, she had hurt him too much.

Alice’s eyes darted to Destery’s pants which were on the floor in a heap.

She hesitated, as her eyes looked back up at him. He was curled up under a blanket, looking exhausted. Anyone could have made an incorrect assumption about this situation.

“Interrupting what?” She whispered, almost afraid.

“Death.”  He didn’t dare look her in the eyes; instead he stared out of the window at the night sky. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes. But he was desperate not to cry in front of her, desperate to keep acting tough even though he was beyond broken.

Alice started to feel something she  had never quite felt before. Sure, she had moments of sadness, but not like this. She felt as if she were on fire, and everybody was watching  and laughing. She felt useless, like nothing she could say or do would suffice. She felt guilty like she had just murdered somebody. She also felt her perfect life getting torn apart. Her chest ached, and she tried her hardest to stop tears from streaming out of her eyes. She needed to be strong, especially now, for Destery.

“You can’t die.” She whispered. She wanted to seem strong and assertive but all confidence she once had was not to be found. “I love you too much to let you die.”

Destery turned and looked at her. His eyes were pleading, screaming. He wanted help, but didn’t know how to ask for it.

“I can’t do it anymore, Alice. You wouldn’t understand.”  He stammered. He wasn’t good in confrontational situations and he was even worse when he was at his weakest. A single tear escaped from his eye and rolled down his already tear-stained cheek.  Alice could see the suffering in his eyes.

“Then explain it to me. Make me understand. We are really different, but that doesn’t mean I won’t empathize. Destery I want to help you.” She forced the words out. She was unsure of how idiotic she sounded,  but she didn’t care at this point. All she wanted was to talk Destery out of whatever he was about to do.  Or what he had already done.

“You don’t genuinely care, Alice. You’re just curious because you’ve never met someone like me before.” That was half true.

“Yeah, I’m interested.  I am curious as to why you would hate your life so much to want to end it. I’m curious to know why you’re like this. Why you cut yourself.  But I am also frightened. I am so scared that I don’t know what to say or do to convince you not to kill yourself. I care for you, and its stupid because people like me don’t usually care for people like you. But maybe I’m different to who I think I am, maybe I’m more In the middle of them and you. Maybe I’ll understand. But you never know until you try to explain.” The words flowed from her heart, and they seemed to work together in such harmony.

Destery was unsure of what to say. He started to blush, slightly. He wasn’t expecting that reaction and he definitely wasn’t expecting her to be so honest about her curiosity.