Chapter Thirty Eight

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Adrian's POV

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Adrian's POV

I headed to the shower because I didn't want anybody to hear me crying. I know I'm extra. I know it, I own it. But I promise yall, I don't go looking for trouble. I know my mouth is slick but I don't go after people unless they come for me. I know I'm not everybody's cup of tea and I respect that. I could be a bit much for people. What if Trevor was starting to think that? What if he was tired of my sassiness as he calls it?

I didn't ask for that dude to dance on me. I honestly thought it was Trevor when he started dancing on me. Had he not disrespected me, I would've let it go. When the fight started, I jumped in because my family was fighting. As we sat on the sidewalk in handcuffs, I was scared as fuck. Like for real, scared. I didn't wanna go to jail. I damn sure didn't want my daddy to go off on me. So when ol boy and his friend got into it, I needed that distraction. For Trevor to go off on me the way he did... wow. That shit... my heart started beating fast as fuck. Did he really think that I was too extra? That I brought unnecessary attention to myself to cause problems? Was he tired of having to defend me all of the time? Maybe he was tired of me. What if... what if he wanted to break up with me? I couldn't stop the sob that came out. This cannot be happening. Maybe I'll tone it down. I'll stop reading people. I'll change the way I dress. I mean I can wear baggy clothes cause I can't help that my ass is big. I'll cover up. I'll just wear cornrows and change the way I talk. I love him enough to change. I don't want him to think that being with me means that he has to always be on guard and have to fight all the time.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body and another one around my hair. Maybe I'll just cut it off and get a fade or something. When I walked into the bedroom, Trevor was sitting on the bed in his boxers. He gave me a sad smile when he saw me.

"Trevor, I'm sorry about tonight. I didn't mean to cause the fight. I thought that it was you dancing behind me when that guy came up. And I didn't mean to make jokes while we were in cuffs. I was scared and I didn't know what else to do. I'm sorry for bringing all of this drama to your life. I... I'll do better, ok? I'll start dressing more like a boy, ok? I'll cut my hair and I won't say anything smart or slick. Just... just... I'm sorry ok. Just please don't be mad at me. I know that I'm a lot and I'm going to change so that you don't feel like you have to fight all the time. Ok, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for tonight. I love you and want to be your peace, baby. I'll change, ok. Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."

I couldn't stop the words or the tears from flowing. I just wanted to stop him from breaking up with me. Trevor looked at me and held out of his arms.

"Man, come here."

I ran over to him and he cuddled me in his lap. I buried my face in his neck. God, I loved being in his arms.

"First of all, don't apologize for shit. You did nothing wrong. That nigga was wrong for putting his dick on you, regardless if he knew you were a dude or not. He didn't ask you to dance. He just violated your space. Second, I apologize for coming at you like that. I know that you use humor to mask when you're scared. But Lil' Bit, I was scared too. For all of us. It could've been way worse. We could've been arrested. Or worse, killed. I'm sorry, baby. Third, I'm going to always fight for you. I've been fighting for you, baby. Don't you remember our first date? Bobby Davis stopped messing with you, didn't he? Fourth, if you cut your hair, do it because you want to. Lastly and most importantly, don't you change for me or anybody. You are fine the way you are, baby. I fell in love with this sassy, spirited, shit talking, sexy, talented, smart, beautiful man. I love everything about you, baby. I don't care if you wear baggy or tight clothes. I don't care if you are bald or hair to your ass. But do that because Adrian want to. Not because you think that's what I prefer. I love all that is Adrian Quinton Rucker. Do you understand that? You are my peace, Adrian. When I come home and classes have kicked my ass, without me having to say a word, you take care of me. Your massages, you cook for me, you sing away my troubles, you love me. You are my haven, baby. I'm not going anywhere. We're going to have arguments, baby. But I'm in this for the long haul. I love you, Adrian."

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