What Would It Be? (COMPLETED)

#36

#WhatWouldItBe

"You look tensed," he chuckled.

I raised my middle finger at him and he was the one who opened the gate for me. Kotse naman niya ang sinunod na buksan.

"I don't think I can do this," I hold onto tge door, breathing in and out.

Today is my very first day from the firm that Von's working. He offered me a position there, as a junior associate and to tell it frankly, muntikan ko nang hindi tanggapin iyon!

Like, I'm currently grieving about the lost of Trent in my life and one second, He's offering me a place in their firm! And when I asked him what for...

"Maybe firm will occupy your mind and will stop you from doing that, from crying over that guy who promised will never leave you but still did. Are you in or in?"

Tapos ang tagal ko pa bago napag-isipan ang sagot. He didn't force me to say what is my insight about it but after two days, I finally said yes and today is the day that he's talking about.

"Of course, you can," sumandal siya sa harapan ng kotse.

Umiling ako lalo. Alam ko na sobrang mali ng ginagawa ko dahil ang init ng suot kong suit and tie, pareha kami ni Von na naka black suit at sobrang init na ngayon pero... shit.. para akong nagrerecit today!

"Nagbasa naman na ako... Inaral ko na uli mga pinag-aralan ko noon pero pakiramdam ko... hindi pa rin ako okay.."

Siya naman ang umiling saka lumapit sa akin. He patted my back and told me that I'll be alright. He said that I shouldn't feel nervous because I'm already done with the brief interview at deretso work na ako kaya dapat hindi na ako kabahan.

I wish that was a bandage that I can put onto an open scratch on my knee so it will stop from worrying or bleeding but.. hindi ko talaga kaya.

"You already spent one year going out with some horrible person in your life, don't waste the efforts you put into learning the law just because your mind's telling you can't." he made me face him. "This idea will really make you feel the way you should feel. Don't dwell too much on the past. Make him realize what could it be if he haven't done that, okay?"

A tear escaped my eyes, "You're just joking me,"

He laughed and wiped the tears with his thumb, "Let's be punctual, so let's go Atty. Stefan Raval?"

Sinuntok ko siya sa braso at tumango na lang. While waiting for him to fasten his seatbelt, I took a deep breath and slowly chant I can be the way that I always want to be inside my head.

***

Contrary to what I expected, everyone was nice and kind when Von introduced me to them, lalo na sa department kung saan ako napunta. Although this will never be my forever department, maybe next month will be different but just like what they always say, we can know what it feels like to be in here.

It's just a casual introduction he made and everyone was smiling on me. And I noticed that their smiles are different, only Von telling me that I'm the first one to be included in the firm for this year. Summer last year pa raw ang last na may pumasok dito and they are somehow surprised and shocked na may pumili sa firm na 'to.

"Hi, I'm Ellis!" pakilala ng isang hindi katangkaran na lalaki sa tabi ko. Kakaupo ko pa lang sa cubicle ko nang bigla siyang pumunta sa harap ko.

"Atty. Raval, right?" I nod my head. "Wow. Akala ko talaga wala nang papasok sa firm na 'to, e."

"Why?"

I started unpacking the things I got. Dinala ko lang naman iyong mga notes ko and one of my codals para kapag wala pa akong ginagawa, I can refresh my mind with the work I'm doing.