What Would It Be? (COMPLETED)

#22

#WhatWouldItBe

I don't know if being sober that night was a good thing for me. What if I'm not? What if I'm also drunk just like him? Probably, I won't think about what happened and how did that happened.

No. I won't charge him a suitcase. It wasn't a rape. It wasn't forced sex, I gave in so it was completely sex. Total opposite of rape.

But the vivid memory inside my head? Para akong nilalason. Nilalason na hindi ki malaman kung tama lang ba o hindi.

He's my friend... I know... that he's not into like me. He's into girls... minsan kausap niya si Seniah na kaklase namin. Seniah's one of the smartest in our section.

Kaya alam ko na baka that's what he wants... then tables turn around.

Hindi ko alam kung magpapasalamat ako na dumating from States ang father niya kaya hindi na kami masyadong magkausap.

He told me about it. The day after it happened, he talked to me like nothing happened. Like he doesn't remember how hit me there. How he kissed me. How he trace my neck using his tounge.

Oh, God, Stefan, don't act like a fucking virgin! You did it with your ex before! You almost did it with Paul before so why are you acting like it hurt you and pained you so much?!

You gave in.. you gave in to temptation so don't act like you didn't do it.

Marahan ko na binagsak ang ulo sa study table. Dapat nagbabasa na ako ng possible subjects namin for next step but I couldn't find the will to do it.

Kahit na ilang beses ko nang sinasabi na maraming nagsasabi na mas mahirap na ang second year... hindi ko magawa.

Nakapikit lang ako roon hanggang may kumatok mula sa labas. Agad kumurba ang kilay ko, I checked my phone to see if I'm expecting someone pero wala naman!

Mabilis akong tumayo at mabilis na binuksan ang pintuan. Only to see our landlady standing outside my room.

She's in her usual duster while eating peanuts. "Stefan, may naghahanap sa'yo sa labas. Hindi ko pinapasok kasi alam mo na.."

Natawa siya sa sinabi. Ah. There's a growing rate of theft sa lugar namin. She's just making sure of her place and us.

"May sinabi po bang pangalan?"

"Hindi ko na natanong pero lagi mo atang kasama 'yun? Gwapo siya kaya siguro naman alam ko na?"

Tinapik niya ang balikat ko at mabilis na bumaba. Lagi kong kasam— what the hell?!

Hindi na ako nag-abala na mag-ayos dahil si Von lang naman siguro iyon! What is he doing here?! Akala ko ba busy siya?!

"Hi..." the usual Von Ruke is really in front of me.

Wearing only a forest green T-shirt and some old saggy brown shorts and sliders, nakangiti siyang nakatingin sa akin.

If only I could see my face now, alam ko na bagsak ang panga ko. "Akala ko ba busy ka?"

Tumawa siya sabay lahad sa akin ng mga hawak. He's holding three big paper bags! Hindi ko naman birthday ngayon, ah?

"So anong gusto mo? Buong taon ako maging busy?"

"Dumating father mo right? Shouldn't you be at least with him, at least?"

Nabalitaan ko kasi na stockbroker sa kung saan ang father niya sa states. He said na he's one of the biggest stockbroker sa isang state roon!

And going home here in the Philippines is a rare thing he'll do. Kaya nang malaman nila na uuwi ito, nagpaalam siya sa akin dahil susulitin daw nila ang araw niya rito sa Pinas.