What Would It Be? (COMPLETED)

#33

He pinched my head so hard, "I do... I do really love you, it's just that... we need to do this so we can be okay.. fully okay.."

Inalis ko ang kamay niya sa mukha ko, he's keeping so much water in my eyes that I can feel losing my vision. "I don't get you... Why do we need to wait for another year, huh? For what? So you won't feel embarrassed that you loved someone that is same-sex just like you!"

Because if he means, hiding me from everything for one whole year the one he wanted... hindi ko matanggap...

I fought for him.. for us.. pero bakit ako naman na ang maghihintay sa kaniya? Does he really think I'm not ready too?

Trent scoffed, almost jumping. "No! Oh, God, you know na hindi ko maiisip 'yan! See, I'm asking you to wait for one year so I can fix this.. Pangako, aayusin ko lahat na hanggang dumating tayo sa punto na wala na uling makakapaghiwalay sa ating dalawa.."

"This may look or sounds like I'm hiding you from everyone but God.. kung alam mo lang na ikaw ang sinisigaw ko sa bawat umaga na wala ka sa tabi ko? Kung alam mo lang kung gaano ko gustong sabihin sa lahat na I have you.. na mawala man sa akin lahat ng meron ngayon sa akin, basta nandiyan ka lang.."

"Fuck. I wanted that but th—"

"But what?" I stopped him. "Trent, paano ako maniniwala sa'yo when you kept putting but in your promises?"

Matagal bago siya nakasagot. He's just looking at me, with that same lonely eyes. The last time I saw him, kahit na gulat siya sa sudden shooting nila, there's still a smile in that when he looks at me..

Ngayon? It's all dark and gloomy.

"Why don't you just trust me, baby?" he pleaded. "Why can't you just understand and listen to the best plan I'm having in my whole life?"

"Why can't you just stay with me?" I shot back.

On that, he pulled away. "I'm staying! Nandito lang ako, Stefan! Nandito lang ako lagi but you're just making it hard for the both of us!"

"Ako pa talaga? Ako ba ang nanghihingi ng isang tao para manlandi ng ibang tao?!"

"For God's sake, baby, trabaho lang! Trabaho lang 'yon! There's nothing personal! Because this, what we have will always be the one I'm going home!"

Hindi na ako makapagsalita. Ayaw iproseso ng utak ko lahat ng gusto niyang sabihin. Parang papasok sa isa at saka aalis din sa kabila.

"Isang taon lang naman, Stefan. Mabilis lang 'yon.."

"Mabilis? What if while waiting, you fell in love with her already?!"

"I fucking waited you for almost five years, Stefan! Pero hindi ko nagawang lumingon sa iba dahil alam ko na nandiyan ka lang! So why are you accusing me on looking to someone else when I fucking have you? Right now?!"

Bumagsak na ako sa lupa. Yakap-yakap ko ang parehang binti at hinayaan ang ulan na ikubli lahat ng luha na lumalabas sa mga mata ko.

Wala nang nagsalita sa aming dalawa. Pagod na pagod na ako. Hindi lang sa katawan, pati na rin sa loob ko.

All I ever wanted was a better and healthy relationship, bakit nagiging ganito ang tanging relasyon na pinasok ko?

Lumuhod siya sa harapan ko, and right before he can grab my face again, someone grabbed him from behind.

My body gets alarmed as I saw a familiar face behind him. "Nanay.." bulong ni Trent habang nakatingin sa nanay niya.

"Ano sa tingin mo ginagawa mo?!" sigaw nito at agad akong napatayo.