The colour of devil eyes (Black Butler love story)

Chapter 19 - Despair

Maybe she had enjoyed spending time with Sebastian too much, she thought, maybe she had subconsciously delayed the search for Hyder so that she could be with Sebastian a little longer. Was it really like that? Serena couldn't answer that question with either a yes or a no.

However, one thing was very clear to her: She was a horrible and despicable big sister, because she had so far failed all along the line.

And now her only confidante, her only friend, seemed to keep withdrawing from her. She knew that she hadn't said very friendly things to Sebastian either, but she had clearly felt that he had distanced himself on his own. Everything that seemed important to her and that had given her support in any way slipped away from her.

Outside in the corridor, Sebastian stopped moving and listened. He heard a noise that he was very reluctant to hear from his lady's room. Slowly and deliberately he walked on down the corridor, closer and closer to Lady Serena's door. He stopped right in front of it and remained in complete silence.

From her room came a faint, gentle but still clearly audible whimper. The sound made his heart contract. It wasn't the meaningful sniffing and crying that might be the case with human outbursts. It was much more of an endlessly sad, desperate and plaintive whimper.

He had never heard anything like that from his lady before and if he was honest with himself, then he had assumed that she would never utter such tones. He had always valued his lady as a strong and resilient woman, but now he was taught better.

Again he was completely lost in the dark. Not knowing what to do, he just stood in front of her room door and stared at the wood in front of him. Sebastian felt paralyzed because he just couldn't move. The soft crying of his Lady Serena completely upset him, because subconsciously he knew very well that he was not entirely innocent of her current condition.

But what had to occupy her so much that she sat alone in her bed at night and cried? Sebastian couldn't believe that he alone was the reason. A slight sigh escaped the demon when he realized that it was probably mainly the events of the day that had thrown Lady Serena off course. Who could have expected that her second victim of revenge would be even less meaningful than her first? He hadn't even considered that this meant that Lady Serena was getting further and further away from her brother.

Was that it? Mixed with Sebastian's current negative attitude towards her?

Immediately he felt guilty, because he was sure that she would have felt stronger if she had known that he was by her side. But she probably wasn't really sure about that right now.

A sad, oppressive expression settled on the demon's face, because he knew that he had made a mistake, that he had acted wrongly and thus caused grief to his lady. But what should he have done? Allow these strange feelings?

Very carefully, almost as if in a trance, he raised his right hand and placed it silently on the door handle. Like a little child who doesn't dare to jump down from a tree, he stood rigid again and just looked at his hand.

Should he go in? Should he go to his lady and finally give her the support she needed and wanted? Didn't he want it too? Wasn't it also his will that they were as close as they had once been?

It seemed to Sebastian like an eternity in which he just stood in the dark with his hand on the handle and stared senselessly at the door. He felt that it literally pulled him into the room, that it drove him close to her. He couldn't deny that his heart almost urged him to be with her, to comfort and support her. But his demonic mind held out with all its might. Besides, what should he say to her if he gave up the sudden distance and pretended that nothing had ever happened, that he had never behaved dismissively or strangely towards her?

The low whimpering of Lady Serena reached Sebastian's ear and almost drove him insane. It was cruel, but he just couldn't gently push the door handle down and walk to her. He couldn't, even though he wanted to.

And so he forced himself to lower his right hand again and with a sad look and a heart full of guilty conscience he turned his back on his crying lady and ran down the corridor faster than intended.

He was a coward and a traitor, these terms buzzed through Sebastian's head . But he was also still a demon who knew where his place in the world was. Trying to block out the whimpering as best he could, he cursed his good hearing, because no matter in which corner of the cottage he would flee, he would hear everywhere.

He paused for a moment and turned his head back and looked down the hall to the door of her room. He would have to endure her whimpering, because he didn't have the heart to leave the building and leave her completely alone. Then he looked ahead again and kept walking.

Although he screamed and raved inside, he remained completely calm on the outside. But the guilty conscience didn't stop raging inside him.

Published on 31.08.2020

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