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the one where symere is non-binary and tries to find the words to come out to their boyfriend, jordan.
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SYMERE KNEW FROM AN EARLY AGE that there was something strange about them.
they were born male, but even as a child, something about being called a boy and being lumped in with all the boys never sat right with them.
they were expected to be tough, to never show emotion or cry or else they were called a "sissy" or "girly" among other not so nice things, expected to uphold toxic masculinity from even the youngest of ages and symere rejected it.
symere didn't like being a boy. they grew to hate the words son, brother, boy, he, him, man, and male. they felt an overwhelming sense of dread whenever called any of these terms, and they didn't know why. they were just normal identifiers and pronouns, so why did they make them so uncomfortable?
as symere got older, they wondered if maybe they were transgender, as they learned about trans people from the news and from adults in their life — the things that were said about trans people were usually not positive and laced with hate and slurs.
their parents thought that if you were a boy, you should stay a boy, because "god didn't make mistakes". their mother would spew bile about how trans women were just men in dresses looking to corrupt children in public bathrooms, which symere never understood, they only wanted to piss in peace.
they thought that maybe they were a trans girl as well, since they didn't want to be a boy.
not too long after coming to that realization, symere realized that that couldn't have been it, as they didn't see themselves as a female either. they did have some feminine traits, but they couldn't see themselves as a full blown woman.
symere didn't want to be a boy or a girl. they just wanted to be symere.
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when symere became a teenager, they began to withdraw into the internet. they felt like no one in real life could possibly understand how they felt, hell, they didn't even understand it themselves.
they began to grow more and more uncomfortable with the expectations of manhood, and slowly but surely they started to outwardly deviate from it. they got facial piercings. they painted his nails. they wore skirts and mesh shirts to school. they even dabbled in makeup sometimes.
