An Unthinkable and Unimaginable Love

It Has to Get Better

I call Marcus. He answers. "Baby listen..." "No fuck that. That's not a conversation you have over a gahdamn text message! Where you at?" "I'm at home. Baby I'm sorr-" I cut him off. "I'll be over there in five minutes." I hit the screen as hard as I could to hang up the phone. Damn I wish I had a flip phone so I could dramatically hang up. I walk up stairs to grab the keys to my car and tell Chey where I'm going. "What's wrong Kris." "I'll tell you later Chey. It's just so much shit going on in my life right now." I walk our of her room shutting the door behind me. I peek in Mom's room to see if she's doing any better. She's sitting on the side of the bed. Looking out the window. I hadn't seen her like this since right before Dad left. And I know why now. I walk in kiss her forehead and give her a compassionate hug. "I'll be back momma." she didn't say a word. I hated to leave her alone but I had to talk to Marcus. Chey will take good care of momma. I reassure my self. I ran down the stairs, lock the front door behind me, and head over to Marcus's. The whole time I'm replaying the drastic turn our relationship took in a couple of hours. Who the fuck could he have pregnant? Was it Ashley. Sweet Jesus it better not be Ashley. By the time I pull up in his drive way I've thought of 28 different ways to ensure Marcus won't have anymore kids. As I get out my car, Marcus opens the door. He motions his head towards my car. Telling me to get back in and he gets in the passenger side. "Kris..." I don't answer nor do I look up at him. "Bay" he said placing his hand on my shoulder. I snatch away. It's complete silence in the car for about five minutes before I let everything out. And I'm crying again. Gosh I'm such a cry baby. "Damn! What kinda fucked up person can I be? Everything is wrong! Nothing's good in my life." "Just because I might have a baby on the way doesn't mean-" I cut him off. "No Marcus! Everything isn't about you! I've went through a break up. To finding out my no good daddy was fucking my aunt t. To finding out my brother is missing and has been for the past 3 days. And now this! Marcus you were supposed to be my sunshine in the rain. And all you did was add thunder." I break down. He hugs me for a really long time. Until I can gather myself. He looks me in my eyes. "Baby why didn't you tell me?!" "I thought I could handle it. I got to be so strong at home and I was doing a damn good job. Until I got that text." I begin to cry again and Marcus holds me tighter. I push him back. "Wait a second Marcus. You never told me who you think you got pregnant." He gets quiet. "Omg! It's Ashley isn't it!? God! How could I be so stupid?" I hit my steering wheel. "It was at a party and I was drunk! I don't even recall doing the shit to be honest. But she was in my bed the next morning. It wasn't on purpose. I don't even like the bitch. I promise." "Save that Marcus. Because you lied to me. You made me believe it wasn't shit going on with y'all when you were at my house today." "I never lied to you though. I just..." He takes a deep breath "I just ain't wanna hurt you like them other niggas and I knew that shit was going to kill you. It might not even be mine." Tears form in my eyes and Marcus hugs me again. I take a deep breath. "Get out my car." "Baby" "Now" "Kristyn" "Get out! Now" he gets out looking back at me. I reach over and slam my passenger door and sped out the driveway. Marcus watches me the whole time. I see him drop to his knees crying when I look in my rearview mirror. I make it home. Mom's still in the same spot and Chey was watching tv. It was too late to keep the strong girl act up. I go in my sister's room. Looking at my face she could tell I had been crying. I tell her everything. And we set there. My head on her shoulder and her arms wrapped around me. We cried together. All night. Said a prayer and eventually fell asleep. Before I fell asleep though I tell myself. It had to get better. Doesn't it?