Omega (Completed)

Chapter SEVENTEEN

James POV

I stumble around lost in a forest completely disoriented and fatigued. What the hell happened to me? My body is aching like I ran 50 miles. I'm covered in blood which by the smell of it belongs to a deer. The strangest part is my wolf is acting oddly. He seems so complacent and peaceful. If I'm not mistaken I can here him purring in my head. I take another step and I collapse not having the strength to go further. I need to rest. I need to think.

There is a big pine tree a few feet away and I crawl over to it. I manage to get in a sitting position and I lean my body back against the trunk and close my eyes. What do I remember?

I remember Amber and the amazing kiss we shared before I freaked out, I sigh deeply, that was not one of my finer moments. What was next? She was showing me around the grounds and we went to the training facility so I could sign up to be an enforcer. Then that asshole Dallas......

My eyes pop open. He said something about him and Amber and I-I..... What did I do?

"Ahhhh!" I hate this. Im so fucking pathetic sitting here in filth, I have no clue where I am or where Amber is, and to top it off my wolf is freaking me out prancing around like a show pony and exuding giddiness.

Great now I feel like a lunatic. Maybe I should just leave.

My heart seizes at the thought of leaving Amber and my wolf howling protests are making my headache worse.

Ok scratch that idea.

The bottom line is I can't move forward if my past keeps inhibiting me. That includes becoming stronger and gaining confidence. I have to get past the memories. Maybe I can just shove them in a box with chains and barb wired in the back of my mind or something.

When I was back at Blood Howl I found a book about meditation and repressing memories in the basement . It was a psychology book, I have no clue what it was doing there. The idea of the book was to fight back negative memories with positive ones until the positive ones were the victor. It was suppose to help build a stronger more optimistic mind.

Unfortunately to do this I would have to bring all memories of my abuse fully into consciousness..... including the rape. So thats what I attempt.

Sweat breaks out on my skin. Lonliness, mind-numbing pain, self-disgust, fear, anger, envy, and humiliation crashes over me like a tsunami. My breathing becomes thready and my heart beat is erratic. Just when Im about to pass out there's a flash of grey in my mind the same pale beautiful color as Amber's eyes and thats all it takes for the positive members to rush in. I recall her smell, her laughter, the feel of her lips, the taste of her tongue, I see our future, I see her pregnant with my pup, and I see the better man she makes me want to be. I want it, I want it so freaking bad.

Soon the constructive memories wins out and I can barely feel the negative memories. I practice this technique over and over for about an hour. I would love to tell you that I was completely cured but that would be a complete lie. Maybe one day when I'm stronger I can properly deal with it but until that day I can move forward without constently looking over my shoulder or becoming paralyzed by my past and thats one hell of a relief.

I'm still sitting against the tree when I hear the sound of footsteps coming my way. I look up and see a pretty blond woman. See is looking around frantically. Her blue eyes catch mine and I can see relief.

"Finally I've been looking for you forever" The blond walks a little closer and stops in front of me.

"Wow you look like shit but you're kinda cute" she gives a small smile.