Cliché || H.S.

Chapter 42

"Who was that?" I yawn.

"Publicist. Looks like my birthday is big news," he explains.

"Oh yeah, mine texted me this morning. I woke up with links to like fifteen different articles," I roll my eyes. I only read the one, but it's safe to assume that the others were the exact same. That wasn't our first public outing, but we got lucky the first few by not getting photographed. I guess our time ran out though.

"Does it.... Does it bother you that people know about us? I can call her back and we can try to shut this down if you want. Take things slower before it becomes so public."

"No," I say honestly, "I think it would be kind of hard to hide it now anyways, the fact that it was me who threw the party is common knowledge now. Besides, I like that I don't have to hide this... but I don't love how involved people can try to be. I think I'll miss being able to go out and just mind our business without people trying to get details."

Harry nods his head in agreement, twirling my hair. I begin to turn my attention to the movie when Harry brings me back to the conversation I thought was over. "I guess in one of the articles they were talking about all the people I've allegedly dated and um... obviously it doesn't matter to me because I think you're perfect, but does that still bother you? When they compare you to those girls?"

It used to drive me absolutely insane, something that brought out of the worst of my insecurities. It was a constant reminder that I wasn't built like a model, that maybe I wasn't the type of girl Harry would usually like, but it's also something I haven't thought of in a long time.

"I don't think it does bother me," I say, thinking about it thoroughly, "It's something I started working on right before we broke up and I still am sometimes... Being okay with myself I mean. And now I've kind of come to terms with the fact that this is who I am and nothing else matters because I'm finally happy with who I am."

For a long time I let the way people talk about me online and in tabloids determine my self worth. It was like I could never be good enough; I was too big apparently but then when I lost the weight I was too skinny. When I decided to stop being so critical I put on a few pounds which were definitely needed and the media had a field day with it. The sad thing is, I'm still on the skinner side, yet me holding more muscle and having a healthy BMI is what constitutes as body positive in this industry.

"I hated it at first, but now I find comfort in knowing that I look like a normal person," I continue on, realizing these things for the first time as I say them, "People only really hate their bodies because society tells them to and I don't want to contribute to that culture, you know? I hate the idea that a young girl could look at me and think she needs to starve herself in order to look like me."

Harry presses a kiss on my forehead, down to my nose, and finally on my lips. "See, that's what I meant when I said you were someone I felt like my fans could look up to. I love that you don't care what these people have to say, that you're so much more focused on the greater picture of it all. You have no idea how much good you're doing."

I shrug my shoulders as heat floods my cheeks. "Yeah well... it's just a small thing, it's not that big of a deal."

"Don't discredit yourself like that," Harry gently guides my chin so I'm looking at him, "Small things can make a huge difference. Why do you think I wave pride and BLM flags at my concerts? People want to feel accepted and valid, and people like us have the opportunity to help that happen. I know Gemma used to struggle with comparing herself to celebrities when she was younger, and she could have really used a role model like you."

"I'm hardly a role model," I chuckle, but even to my own ears the sound is sad. While I know that I'm doing better now, there was a long while that I wish girls didn't look up to me.