Cliché || H.S.

Chapter 30

 Harry stayed as long as he possibly could this morning before heading off to the studio to write with Mitch. Once he left I began reflecting on the night before. I'm glad that I waited until I knew that I loved him, until I knew that I could trust him. Sex has always been rather unfulfilling for me- fun, don't get me wrong- but it always felt meaningless. Last night didn't though, and I'm overwhelmed by the feelings. The feeling of being in love, of being with someone who I know without a doubt cares for me.

There's so much that I want to tell Harry but I'm not ready to. I feel this overwhelming urge, like I need to get the words out, to put them into the universe. Still in my pajamas, I sit down at my desk and pull out some paper, doing something I haven't done since middle school. I'm writing a boy a love letter.

Dear Harry,

I'm writing this letter with zero intentions so maybe you're reading this, or maybe I'll keep this for myself. Who knows? I guess if you're reading it then you'd know.... I kind of like the idea that I'll hold onto this for a while and one day in the future I can give this to you and we'll laugh about how much has changed. I'm assuming we'll be together in the future because to be honest I can't imagine a future without you. Isn't that crazy? Just four months ago I was confessing to you that I had all but given up on having a future with someone, but then you came and changed that for me.

There's this song I don't think I've shared with you called Claudia by FINNEAS, it's one of those indie songs, and the first line is "I think you're going to change my plans with those emerald eyes". Everytime I hear that I think of you. You're my boy with emerald eyes who seems to change all of my plans without even realizing it. That's another thing, since meeting you I've changed the way I listen to music. I can't listen to a single song without looking for meaning in the words, trying to find how they relate to you and I. I love finding pieces of you in music.

Last night was Nina's birthday party, and I don't think I need to explain the details of that one. But what I wanted to say was how close I felt to you. I feel close to you everyday, but it was a different type of close, a different way of knowing you. And I want to know you in every way possible. I want to have every inch of your body memorized, I want to hold onto every word you say, I want to be able to conjure the memory of your voice or touch no matter how far away you are. I want to know every thought that goes through your head, especially those random questions you ask me. I always look forward to those.

I feel like I've known you for years, so it's hard for me to believe that it's only been a few months. You've quickly turned into my best friend. Anytime something happens you're the first person I think of, the first person I want to call. I know for a fact that I don't tell you enough, but you are such an important person to me. One of the most important people to me...

I haven't told you yet, but I love you. I think I knew for awhile but was afraid to admit it to myself, but now that I have I'm not sure if you're ready to hear it. I'm kind of new to this relationship stuff (as you know) and it seems like there are all these rules, all these timelines I'm supposed to follow, and I don't know where this stuff is supposed to fall. But sometimes I'm not sure if you're ready to accept love from the world, but when you're ready I'll be there to tell you everyday.

I said before that I knew but was afraid to admit it, but there's one memory that stands out in particular that the feeling of love was so overwhelming that I couldn't deny it to myself. I had just finished talking to Kelly at the cabin and she has a habit of being brutally honest, and she said some stuff that put me in a bad mood. Not about you, don't worry, but work stuff. Anyways, I'm in a bad mood so I go outside, and the second I saw you it was like I forgot that I was supposed to be upset. Seeing you just made me happy. Harper was curled up next to you on the hammock and it felt like my heart could beat out of my chest.

I'm a believer that kids have the best instincts in the world because their mind isn't fogged by logic. All a kid has is their gut. Harper trusts you so much, and she took to you so fast, it was like a sign. If she could trust you then I could too. Did you know that she asks about you? Kelly told me Harper talks about you all the time. What is with you having that effect on people?!

Everyday I'm proud that I know you. Forget the dating part, I'm just happy that everyday I'm with someone who is kind, thoughtful, inspiring, positive, and compassionate. There are so many qualities that I see in you that I want to see in myself. I know we always talk about me being the extraverted one, but you light up every room you walk in. I swear you're the most magnetic person I've ever met and everyone agrees. I think it makes it that much more special that you chose me when you could have anyone in the world.

I'm sorry if this letter is sappy and slightly repulsing, I just needed to get all of my feelings and thoughts out. And I can be pretty terrible at telling you directly how I feel. I hope that I show it in other ways... If you couldn't tell, my love language is not words of affirmation. I'm more of a quality time typa gal. That might be important for the future... I should probably tell you that for reference. SORRY OFF TOPIC. I love you, and I can't wait to see you tomorrow even though you just left my house.

Love,

Lily Jean

I neatly fold the letter and shove it in the top drawer of my desk. I feel twenty pounds lighter with all of that off my chest. I know that I should really tell him how I feel, and I'll get to it. For now the letter will be there until I need it.

_______________________

A/N: AHHHH okay so I know this is rlly short but this letter is going to be referenced later hehe so I wanted that to be the focus point