Chapter 21

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I'm already half awake when Harry's alarm goes off. We have to be at the airport first thing this morning to get back to LA and resume shooting tomorrow. Harry is spooning me from behind, his arms wrapped around my bare stomach. I reach to turn the alarm off but Harry pulls me closer, a tired groan leaving his mouth.

"Let's just stay here. They can film the rest of the movie without us, they won't even notice we're gone," he grumbles. The offer to stay is inviting, but I also miss my house and my friends. I'm ready to get back to LA. However, I'm not ready to leave this bed yet.

I lay there for a minute longer, trying to build the energy to leave. Once I finally get the strength to get up, I throw the covers back and wiggle out of Harry's grip. He sighs dramatically, flopping onto his back with his arms out to the side, "You hate to see her leave but love to watch her go."

Getting through the airport to our gate was an absolute nightmare. Word had gotten out which flight we'd be on and there were plenty of people waiting for our arrival. Most impressively were the amount of teen girls screaming for Harry. I felt small, falling just a step behind him, a security guard guiding us on his other side. It was like I wasn't even there, like I was just another airport employee. Usually I would pray to go unnoticed, but right now the invisibility feels sickening, a reminder of Harry's caliber and how magnified his actions are. I'm used to being under a watchful eye, but nothing like this.

Sitting on the airplane, Harry is completely unphased by the chaos on the other side of security. As soon as the plane takes off he's asleep, his head resting on my shoulder. I try to follow suit but sleep never comes. I'm plagued with new anxieties, irrational thoughts running through my head. I have flashbacks to last night, of me being completely exposed in front of him, and it makes my heartrate pick up, but not in a good way. I try to calm myself, but I can't help these new fears that I have. Fears of being intimate, fears of people talking about us being physical even if they'll never know the truths of our relationship. I expect them to be comparing me and my body to the other girls he's been with. I feel so... exposed.

I took an Uber to the airport before I left for New York, so Harry offers to drive me home from LAX. While he navigates traffic I stay quiet, still stuck in my thoughts. "What are you doing tonight?" he asks, keeping his eyes on the road. I know that this is him trying to hang out, but I think I need some time alone in my own house.

"I told Celeste that we could have a girl's night. I haven't seen her in a while," I explain. His face instantly drops and I feel guilty. I try to rectify it quickly by reaching for his hand and holding it on the center console between us, "but I'll see you in the morning? And we can hang out after work?" I try to make myself sound excited by the prospect. He nods his head, but we spend the rest of the drive in silence.

Once we reach my house he gets out of the car to get my bag from the trunk. "Is everything okay Lil?" He asks, a serious expression on his face.

"I'm fine, just tired is all. It's been a busy weekend," I lean in to give him a long kiss. He seems satisfied, pulling me into a hug. I let myself relax into him, telling myself to stop worrying. He's still here, he wouldn't be if he didn't want to be.

After I set my suitcase in my room I make my way across the hall and into Celeste's room. I enter without knocking, and she's sitting on her bed with a laptop in her lap. Celeste looks up from her school work surprised to see me, "You're back earlier than I thought. How was it?"

For some reason I can't even explain, I burst into tears. "What did he do?" She sighs. She sets her laptop at the foot of the bed while I crawl up next to her, resting my head in her lap.

"He didn't do anything. He was perfect," I sniffle.

"Then why are you crying?" she runs her small hands through my hair, not pushing me to respond while I gather my thoughts. I'm really grateful she's here right now.

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