Cliché || H.S.

Chapter 23

It feels like each month passes quicker than the last. June is coming to a close, and it's hard to believe that we're already halfway done filming. Harry and I don't talk much about what will happen once these six months end, but I like to think that nothing will change. He'll be staying in LA to finish writing and recording his album, and I'll be onto the next movie. The only difference will be that he won't be working with me everyday.

I talked to Kelly earlier in the week and it's made me nostalgic for my life at home, and how things used to be. Even now as I lay in bed awake before the sun has risen, a curly haired boy wrapped around me, I think about what I would be doing now if I wasn't in this position. If my life had taken a completely different route. The obvious answer would be sleeping given the hour, but a particular memory comes to mind.

Vivid are the days before my older brother Jared graduated college and he would spend the summers with Kelly and I. I had to have been young, twelve at the oldest, but I loved spending time with Jared and his friends even though I was eight years younger. Jared hardly seemed to mind. He would sneak into my room before the sun was up on days like today and gently shake me awake to take Kelly and I with him and his friends to the lake. We'd be on the boat in the middle of the water right as the sun began to rise over the desert sky.

Him and his friends would always grab me when I wasn't paying attention and toss me overboard into the freezing water. I would kick and scream, but I never actually minded. They would all jump in the water too and swim until their teeth were chattering. Knowing Kelly could hold a grudge longer than anyone we knew, Jared never tried to throw her in the water. Kelly never got in the lake in general, but she was always waiting to wrap me up in a towel.

Kelly was the glue of the group like that. Jared and I had been best friends since I was born and we were known for starting a riot when we were with each other. It's like the second I was with him all common sense would go out the window, and Kelly was there to bring us back. She was the mediator when things went wrong, the one who would offer advice, and the one to let us know when we were making mistakes. I didn't appreciate that until I got older, where even now I call her for her to steer me in the right direction.

When Jared graduated college he chose to travel the world. He fell in love with a girl in Spain and lived there for a bit before coming back to Arizona with her once I had already left. Him and Lucia are expecting their first baby this fall. Shortly after Jared left, Kelly started dating her high school boyfriend Scott, except Scott turned out not to be just a high school boyfriend. Now they're married with two kids, which left me with few sunrise trips to the lake.

 I don't have my brother and sister here right now, I don't have a lake, I don't have a boat, but I do have a boyfriend and a short drive to the ocean. "Harry, wake up," I nudge Harry's limp body next to me. He groans before tightening my comforter tighter around him. I pat him again and say his name in a loud whisper. His eyes finally open and he scans the room before his eyes land on me.

"What happened? Is something wrong?" he asks tiredly.

"No, but get up. We have to leave before the sun comes up," I throw the covers off of him forcing him to leave the warmth of the bed. I don't bother to change out of my pajamas, instead I put on a hoodie over them and slip on a pair of tennis shoes. Harry lags behind me, not asking any questions which I'm pretty sure is due to him not being totally awake.

I grab the keys to my old Jeep that I got when I turned 16. I don't drive it as much anymore, but it holds too much sentimental value to get rid of it. It's also perfect for things like this. The engine purrs to life, and the car feels rough underneath me unlike the smoothness of the Audi I've gotten used to driving.

The sky is softly lit as I drive to the coast. I'm used to being up this early for training sessions with Shaun, but Harry fights to keep his eyes open. He flips through the radio unable to settle on a station until I pull off to a dirt road heading up a mountain.

"You're not taking me to kill me are you?" He asks, changing the station again as the song ends.

"I wasn't planning on it but if you don't stop messing with the radio I might," I joke. He immediately removes his hand from the knobs. Once I turn off the main path, I put the car in park and hop out. It's only a small hike from here, so I pull Harry along with me wanting to make sure I don't miss any of it.

The cliffs are high enough that it's perfect for sunrise or set; one side overlooks the ocean but it also has an unobstructed view of Beverly Hills. I lead Harry to the only bench with my back to the ocean, my face towards the city which is brightening before our eyes. The sound of the rising tide is steady and melodic behind us, making me feel more at home.

"How did you find this place?" Harry asks, his eyes wide.

"It was more of an accident. I was trying to get the beach but took a wrong turn one day. It's turned into my thinking spot," I explain. The sea breeze sends a chill through my body, but it doesn't bother me. It reminds me of the air whipping around me while Jared drove the boat to chase the morning.

"And what are you thinking about this morning?" Harry turns his face to me, examining every inch of my expression. I let him, but I keep my eyes on the orange hue in front of me.

"My family," I state simply. I think about my parents who I know I don't call enough, I think about my niece and nephew who I sometimes worry won't remember me. I think about how I haven't seen Jared since his wedding day over a year ago. It all feels wrong, "I think I still would have had a nice life if I hadn't taken that first role and had just lived out a normal life... I don't regret anything I've done but it almost feels like I gave up my family for a paycheck. I've seen Liam once since he was born, and who knows where I'll be when Jared and Lucia have their baby? I feel like I need to be here but I need to be there too."

Harry slings his arm over my shoulder and pulls me against him. I rest my head on his shoulder, thinking of my family and the Sunday night dinners they have around my parents' oak dining table without me. "Do you ever feel like a little bit of an outsider when you come home? Like you expect time to stand still there but it doesn't?" Harry asks, rubbing his hand on my shoulder in an ill attempt to warm me up.

"Oh my gosh, yes. It's like when you hang out with a new friend group for the first time and they talk about all of these things that have happened or people that they know and you just stand there clueless. And nobody explains it unless you ask a million questions," the first time this happened to me it hurt a little bit. It was like my family was speaking a different language. I don't enjoy it, but I've gotten used to it now.

"Exactly, it's horrible. My mum and Gemma spend so much time together that no matter how often I call it's like I'm never caught up. But I think... I think we need to trust that we're in the right place. I think our families are confident that we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, so we need to be confident in that too."

"That's pretty wise for a guy that's half awake," I chuckle. I wrap my arms around Harry's middle and give him a tight squeeze, "So I've been meaning to ask you... My family has a cabin and we always go for the Fourth of July, I haven't been in a couple years but because we have the whole week off and I'm missing them more than usual, I was thinking about going. Would you- do you maybe want to come with?"

"If I make it home without your terrible driving skills sending us off the side of this mountain, then I would be honored," Harry messes up my hair before pulling my head towards him and kissing my forehead, "Hey Lilian."

"Hey Harry."

"If you could live inside any movie, which one would it be?" I laugh at the question before thinking up an answer. I've come to expect random questions like this, but they still amaze me. I'm not sure how or why he thinks of them.

"Mamma Mia. Happy, great fashion, Greece, and good music," I say decisively. I'm actually proud of my answer, "What about you?"

"The Notebook."

"No it's not," I nudge him, "stop being a sap."

"Argue all you want, but I'd paint a house blue for you Lily Jean."