If Only You Knew (One Direction adoption)

44

We've officially made it to New York this morning. The boys keep telling me this is one of their favorite places on tour. They made sure that we would have a break so we could spend a couple days here instead of leaving right after.

I let Emma know but she's swamped with her midterms this week. School has finally caught up with her and is harder than she first thought it would be. Her roommate still hasn't shown up so she's studying by herself.

As the bus pulls up, Paul gets us ready making sure we grab our essentials and go straight inside. Somehow the fans had found out the hotel and were swarming the entrance. We would have someone else grab the rest of our items later on.

I grab my bag and go to Louis. He wraps his arm around me and guides me off the bus. Zayn hops in front of us, helping to make a path through the fans. I keep my head low, depending on the two guys to get my through the door without running into something. The hotel security is able to hold back almost everyone. Granted, we were still grabbed and scratched but it wasn't as bad as it has been in the past.

It wasn't long until Paul checked us in. The boys have a radio interview today so I left my bag in mine and Louis's room and went straight for the aussies. At this point Louis knows whenever I'm not with him in with these four so I don't bother to tell him.

I can hear them messing around through the door as soon as I walk up. I knock and everything goes silent. I knock again and still nothing. "Guys I'm not stupid I know you're in there," I huff. Still nothing. "Fine whatever I'll go back to my room then." I turned on my heels and started walking when the door swung open. I rolled my eyes and turned around once again, arms crossed.

"Oh don't give us that look it was supposed to be a joke!" Michael whined, throwing his arms up. I kept glaring at them.

"Spencer, we're sorry. Please come hangout with us?" Ashton held out his hand for me.

"We'll watch all the criminal minds your heart can handle?" Calum threw in. I let out a dramatic sigh and threw my arms down, walking into their room. A chorus of whispers came from behind me, wondering if I was actually upset or not.

"I'm not mad or anything but you guys are really gullible," I laughed. All of their faces dropped. Within a split second I was being chased by them.

It wasn't long before I was out of breath. The cold I had really messed with me. The boys cornered me in no time. I held up my hand signaling that I needed a moment. "Ash you almost killed her!" Luke slapped his chest.

"I didn't almost do shit! If anything it was Mike!" He threw back. Quickly little arguments were being thrown at each other.

"Hey asshats, you all almost killed me." I coughed. They started apologizing softly, almost like how little children do when they're in trouble and are forced to apologize. It took me a minute but I finally caught my breath so we decided to just chill out for a bit.

I sat as close as I could to the corner, trying to leave as much space for more people on the couch. Ashton promptly picked me up and put me on his lap. It would have happened at some point anyways. Cal logged onto his Netflix and started scrolling. "We don't have to watch criminal minds just out on anything." He nodded and that's when more arguments broke out.

They're never good at deciding a movie or show especially after driving. Normally I'm the one who decides what to watch, making it easier for everyone, but I wasn't going to force them to watch a show I know some of them don't enjoy. Especially when I watched some while on the road today.

In the middle of the fighting there was a knock on the door. Luke ended up losing "nose goes" and had to grab the door. "Spence, Lou said you have an appointment in 10?" I shot up. I completely forgot about Emily.

"Oh shit I'll be back later please don't kill each other while I'm gone!" I yelled running out of their room.

Louis had already set up Skype and left the laptop on the table. I grab my bag and dog for my headphones. Of course they managed to be on the bottom of my bag. I could hear the incoming call when the headphones got snagged. I ran to the table with my bag under my arm, almost missing the call.

"Hi honey, where are you chatting from today?" Her smiles are always so bright and warm. She's always been so welcoming since the beginning with me.

"New York!" I finally untangled my headphones and plugged them in.

"Oh are you going to have time to see Emma?" I shook my head. "And why is that?" I could just barely see her note pad with her.

"She has midterms this coming week and is busy but it's okay. School comes first with her and that's perfectly okay. I mean I'm upset but it's something I never got my hopes up with just in case." I confessed. She nodded as she wrote down a few things.

"And what's been going on this week? Have you had any more nightmares?" I pause for a couple minutes. I know what I want to tell her but putting it all into words and actually be able to speak them is a whole different story.

"Y-yeah," I stutter, "there was one really bad one a couple days ago. It was like normal where I was in my old house but it was current me not when I was younger. Louis woke me up and spent the rest of the night with me. I was able to fall asleep after for the first time which was nice but also scared me. It wasn't like a normal sleep it was almost like a nap where I was only half asleep the whole time. I just don't want this to become normal for me again." I cried. Even when she doesn't mean to, my sessions with Emily almost always make me cry, which isn't a bad thing I guess. It lets out a lot of emotions I didn't realize I was bottling.

I could see her jotting a few things down before looking at me. "Let's go back to your first one. The one you don't remember, can you do that for me?" I nodded. "Okay, good. Now let's talk about what happened that day. What do you remember?"

I had to think. I knew it only started up again recently but it feels like so much longer. "It was the day that I fought with Lou. I remember going to bed upset and him shaking me but I was never afraid of him during our fight. They've just become more frequent since then."

Though her note pad isn't in the picture, I can see her writing down something else. I know it's nothing bad but it makes me nervous especially cause I can't see exactly what she's writing. I've been assured by her multiple times through my visits it's just for records but it doesn't seem to make me feel any better.

I pick at the skin around my fingers trying to figure something else to say while she sits there quietly. I've come up blank yet again.

"Okay, so when you come back, we're going to have an appointment with your psychiatrist to see about starting any new medications if that's alright with you." I let out a shakey okay. "Alright Spencer I'll talk to you next week. Just remember to keep journaling for now. We can do more in depth homework when you're actually at home." I cut off the call and packed the laptop away into Louis's bag and my headphones in mine.

I washed my face, getting rid of all the dried tears from my cheeks. I looked into the mirror to see my eyes still puffy and red, something that won't go down any time soon. I've tried using cold spoons before to help any puffiness but it only irritates my eyes instead. I fix as much as I can with my appearance before I go back across the hall. I didn't even have to knock before the door opened. Ashton roped me into a hug. "Movie night?"

*a/n*

Hey guys I wanted to say thank you for reading this catastrophe of a story that I started when I was 13(I'm almost 21 now). I wanted to let everyone know that I am thinking of ending this relatively soon. I have no idea where I'm going with this much longer so I don't want to drag it out more than I have to. So again thank you for reading, voting, and/or commenting since I started back up this year.