If Only You Knew (One Direction adoption)

11

I sat on the couch with all the guys. I grabbed a blanket from behind me and didn't feel like sharing. It was getting late and I was tired and cold. I curled up to Niall looking at the tv. It was E! News or something like that and the boys popped on the screen.

"The One Direction lads were recently seen at the London hospital with the mystery girl again. The question everyone's asking is who is she and what happened to her?" the American woman said. I rolled my eyes. Why do people like bugging into others lives? They need space like every normal person.

"I'm going to make Spencer's next doctors appointment which should be in a couple weeks," Liam said walking to the computer room to get some quiet.

"Spencer are you feeling alright?" Zayn asked.

"Yeah I'm fine don't worry about it" for once, that was almost the truth. Yeah I'm hurting but it's been getting better and so have I. Zayn nodded and turned back to the tv.

I closed my eyes for a minute just to think about things. When I'm in a group of people and I need or want to think about things it's easy for me to close my eyes and drown people out that way. After a while of just thinking I started to panic. Uncontrollably panicking.

"Spencer? What's wrong?" Niall looked down at me. I cupped my hands around my head and started shaking.

"Niall give me her please," Sean came through. I was lifted off the couch and carried into a different room. I was placed on a hard surface so I was in the kitchen or the bathroom. I heard Sean humming a not so familiar tune as the faucet ran. A cup or something was being filled.

"Spencer, if you don't want to get all wet you need to lay down." I really didn't care I knew what he was going to do. "Spencer!" He said impatiently. I didn't respond and all I felt was cold water. I put my hands down around my waist and started shivering. "Can someone get her a towel and a blanket?" Sean called.

"Can I go back upstairs now?" I asked in a small voice. Harry came in with both items and gave me a sympathetic look. "Please?" Sean nodded and once we got the towel around me and the blanket he headed up the stairs.

"Do you want me to stay here?" He asked after her set me on my bed.

"You can go home if you want. Your moms probably worried. Same with Niki." I've been keeping him away from his girlfriend with my mental problems. I turned to face the wall. It was a bad idea cause that's where my broken rib was. I hissed in pain and turned to be on my back.

"I've been checking in with my mom and Niki and I broke up a while ago." I felt really guilty. I know they broke up cause of me. I just nodded slowly. "I'll be downstairs if you need me," he said getting off my bed.

Once the door closed I waited a minute and got up to the bathroom. I looked everywhere and finally found some razors. I broke one open to get all three razors. I grabbed the biggest one and put the other two in a drawer under some stuff. I lifted up my shirt and saw all of the cuts have healed and are now scars.

I sliced my stomach over all my scars. It didn't feel the same anymore. I needed something more. I started to look in more drawers and cabinets. Advil. Hair stuff. Nothing.

"Spencer?" an Irish accent sang through the door.

"I'll be right out!" I said flushing the toilet and turning on the water while putting away the razor. I shut off the razor and opened the door.

"Why were you in there so long?" He asked looking around the bathroom from the entrance.

"I was um taking care of lady stuff." Smooth Spencer smooth.

"Lift up your shirt then." I hugged my waist.

"I rather not..."

"You didn't have to. There's blood on your shirt now." Fuck! I forgot to wrap it!! "Can I see?" he asked trying to be calm. I know he can't stand blood. I nodded and lifted up my shirt to where it stopped. I'm pretty sure he almost threw up.

"I-I'm sorry. It won't happen again." I looked down at my stomach for myself. It was worse than I thought. I didn't feel the pain in it anymore. Or the adrenalin.

"That's what you said last time Spencer!" He screamed. Tears flooded his eyes. "Why would you do this to yourself?! Is there even a point besides to make you have scars?!"

"I tried Niall. I fucking tried! You went through the same thing but not as long as I have. I've always been unwanted! Almost every girl on this planet want you! I don't even need to be on any social networking sites to know that everyone is hating on me! We can talk about this again, when you can fit in my shoes." I was hysterical. I closed the bathroom door and locked it. Niall was pounding on the door trying to wiggle the knob open. I went through a cabinet and found cleaning alcohol. I grabbed some toilet paper and tried cleaning all the cuts.

I heard more banging on the door. Great. All of them are here. I heard the lock pop open. I pulled down my shirt and put away the alcohol. I sat up against the cabinets while all of them walked in.

"Why was Niall pounding on the dammed door so hard?" Harry asked.

"Why don't you ask him?" I said with attitude. Everyone stated at Niall.

"Look at her stomach." Now all eyes were on me. I scooted to the corner of the room and held my shirt down. Liam came towards me and I froze. He kneeled down to be at my height and looked me in the eyes.

"Can we see?" He asked gently. I shook my head no. "Spencer ple-"

"No don't fucking touch me or even try to see cause I'm not going to show anything. I'd go back to hell before I did." I said being a cold hearted bitch.

"Spencer, let me see now. I'm your father, do as I say." Louis said.

"You're not my father. My father is in jail. You just took my in and are able to take me back to the orphanage. Don't give me that bullshit!" I said. I was absolutely pissed that he'd use the father card. No he's not my god dammed father.

"Then get out of my house and don't take anything we bought. Only the stuff you came with." Is that his seriously worse threat?

"Fine. Bye."