If Only You Knew (One Direction adoption)

18

"Hey Spencer? You alright?" I turned to see Sean. I'm still on Niall's bed.

"Yeah just fine. Everything's fine. Why?" It's only been a couple minutes of me being by myself.

"It's 6 and the guys want you down for dinner. I have to leave soon too." Okay so maybe a little more than a couple minutes. I shifted towards Sean and we walked down together. Harry was on the grill cooking some hot dogs and hamburgers. Niall was setting up the table outside with Liam. Zayn was bringing out the condiments for all of that. Louis was in the kitchen cutting up some fruits and veggies. Sean goes to help Louis as I walk outside.

"Do you guys need any help?" I say as I walk out the screen door.

"Would you mind grabbing the water and lemonade gallons from the fridge?" Liam smiled. I nodded and walked back in. I went to the fridge and grabbed them as Louis started to speak.

"You okay? I know this hasn't been the easiest time for you and I just wanted to check in. If you need to I can take take you to a therapist." I could tell he was really worried about me. I felt fine. Better than I've felt in a long time.

"I'm fine. No need to see anyone. I've been feeling much better than you think I would be. Thank you though." I smiled and walked out and back to the patio. I set the gallons down and grabbed a seat. Niall still didn't look too happy with me. He chose the farthest seat away from me. Sean came out and said his goodbyes. I hugged him till i was forced to let go. I didn't want to just be Niall and I at the table, even though it would only be a couple of minutes. It felt too awkward now.

"Niall, can I talk to you please? Upstairs..?" I barely croaked out. All he did was nod in my direction and led the way into his room.

He sat on his bed and just stared at me while I grabbed a chair from the corner. "Niall, I-I'm so so sorry," i stuttered, "I didn't know he was coming he just kind of showed up. Sean told him about the baby and he has the right to know and be there for it. I'm sorry how everything is starting to play out and i won't blame you if you hate me cause I would too, but please understand where I'm coming from with bringing him into my and the babies life." I couldn't look at him at this point. Tears were streaming down my face and o couldn't hold them back any longer.

After a couple minutes of silence I got up and started pushing the chair back into the corner. As I was walking out the door he mumbled, "I don't hate you Spence." I walked to my room to go clean myself up. I threw in some eye drops and took a couple deep breaths before going back downstairs.

Louis was still in the kitchen grabbing a couple more things and looked at me with so much worry. He placed everything on the counter and just walked towards me. I ran up to him throwing my arms around him trying my hardest not to cry again. He started rubbing circles in my back and kissed the top of my head.

I looked up at him and gave him a weak smile. "Louis I think I really need to go talk to someone." Both of us were in shock that I said it, but it's something I truly needed now more than ever.

"Okay princess, we can start looking for someone tomorrow after we make a check up appointment for you. But for now let's go outside and eat okay?" I couldn't say anything else so I just nodded and walked outside with him. All the other boys, including Niall, were already at the table getting all of their food set up.

I took a plate and started putting a small amount of fruit on and even a hot dog, hoping that I could finish it all, and sat next to Louis and Harry. After looking at my plate, Harry just smiled at me and continued listening to the conversation going around. I didn't really have much to say anymore tonight, so I sat there slowly picking away at my food until 75% of it was gone and I couldn't eat any more. I was proud of how far I've come so far.

I excuse myself from the table and go inside. I throw away all my garbage and start washing dishes since I really didn't do much else tonight. Slowly all the boys start coming in bringing the rest of the dishes and placing them next to me. Liam offered to help but I wouldn't let him. He smiled at me and gave me a small hug before leaving for the living room.

I can hear all of them laughing and I can do is hope that it stays like this a little bit longer.