If Only You Knew (One Direction adoption)

28

I stood there shocked with my jaw hanging. Liam stood behind me with his hand on the small of my back to comfort me.

"Can we please talk?" I turned to Liam and he gave me a sympathetic look.

"Only if Liam stays and we stay outside." Sean nodded and I made my way outside while Liam took his keys from me and left the doorway briefly. I sat down on one of the porch chairs and Sean sat across from me. "We're not starting until he's back out here," I say in almost a whisper.

The door opens again and Liam and Zayn walk out. Liam joins us and sits next to me grabbing my hand as Zayn walks by giving a glare Sean's way. "Okay what do you want to talk about?"

"Spencer I wanted to say how sorry I am for the way I acted that night. The things I said and did were out of line. With how everything unfolded I took everything in wrong and lashed out on you and I'm so so sorry for that, Spencer. I'm also sorry for ignoring your calls and texts i just needed space and time to think about everything. I should've at least told you that." I nodded along but refused to look him in his eyes. I'd get too emotional this early into the conversation and nothing would get solved.

"I'm not going to say it's okay because everything that happened until this point wasn't okay and was actually pretty fucked, but I understand where you came from. I can't hold what you did against you because I've done the same thing to you. But Sean, that fucking hurt me so much I don't think you realized it and I'm not sure if you will. I lost my appetite for days and didn't want to move because I thought I ruined everything with you and you were the only constant thing in my life." I stopped and started taking deep breaths trying to calm myself down before continuing.

"Thank god the guys had to all be in the studio together at times so I was forced to get out of bed and be presentable. I couldn't even tell you before you left that night that I finally gave Louis the green light for me to go see a therapist! I was going to tell you that night because I knew you'd be proud of how far I've come since I moved. I even made a friend that wasn't one of yours and we all adore her here! She knows everything and I wasn't even pushed to talk about it with her! If she didn't have to start packing for school she'd be here right now because Niall's parents are in the other room and she knows how anxious I've been all week to meet not only his family but every one else's that are coming in tomorrow. She's even the one that encouraged me to tell you about the stupid fucking party so you could talk to me or even just say goodbye before I leave for almost a year! This month has been a roller coaster for everyone and I'm sorry for everything I put you through and I'm sorry I couldn't see everything from your perspective when it happened. I know an 'I'm sorry' won't fix what's been broken, but I am trying to fix myself right now and I'm doing what I can so I won't put you in a position similar to that again." I felt the tears rolling down my cheek but I still didn't look up at Sean. I've never liked crying in front of him. Hell I've never liked crying in general but it's something I've grown accustomed to.

We sat there quiet for a couple minutes until Zayn came back with the pizza. He told Liam that he'd save a couple pieces for the both of us. Shortly after he came back out with a box of tissues and put them in my lap and kissed my head.

"Spence, I'm so proud of you. I'm so sorry that I ruined that day and the past couple weeks but I'll do really anything to show you that I'm sorry. You're the sister I've always wanted and I don't want to lose you." I could hear him choking up so I tossed the tissues his way.

"Well stop saying you're sorry and that'll be a great first step," I giggled, finally looking at him. He shook his head and smiled at me. "You have got to be one of the most stupid people if you think you could get rid of me that easily. We just need to actually communicate with each other from now on, cause this has probably been the hardest year for the both of us."

His smile got brighter as he nodded his head in agreement. "Can I hug you?" He almost whispered. I got up and basically ran to him, both of us holding on like we haven't seen each other in years. "Do you still want me to come tomorrow? I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable with me being there and all."

"Of course I do but you might want to come early so you can talk it out with the rest of the guys and Em- holy shit I have to tell Emma!" I yelled, letting go of him. I heard Liam trying to hold in his laugh behind us. "Li can you protect him tomorrow from the others while Emma gets me ready since you've heard everything?" He nods and smiles at me. I mouth a thank you and hug Sean again.

"Alright I better leave now so you guys can eat. I'll be in around 11 tomorrow? Let me know you I should bring anything" I let go of him and watch him while he walks to his car. I can't let go of my smile. Our relationship isn't perfect but he's back and that's what matters.

Liam and I headed inside and grabbed our food before we went into the living room and joined everyone else.

Zayn looked over at us and gave a questioning look. "Is everything okay?"

"It's great."