infatuation // lashton

25

Nobody said it was easy,

It's such a shame for us to part.

Nobody said it was easy,

No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh, take me back to the start.

~The Scientist, Coldplay

~~~

"Ashton showed me how to live."

The large church was full of people, each and every person had some sort of emotional tie to Ashton. Luke could even spot Calum- who he'd bailed out at Ashton's request- from his place behind the podium on the stage.

"His infatuation with stars fascinated me; he showed me what it was like to look at this horrible reality in a different light."

The whole church was silent. They all recognized that the world had lost someone so important.

"Before he passed, he wrote me a letter and told me to open it before his funeral. I was, um. I was reluctant to read it at first, I felt like it would dig me deeper in to the dark place I'm in. But I did, and I'd like to read you one passage," Luke swallowed down the lump in his throat before continuing,

"I'm not gone, Luke; just gone from sight; like one who walks ahead at night."

Luke's voice cracked on the last word, and he finally allowed the tears he fought to contain stream down his face. Wiped his cheeks with his sleeve and furrowed his eyebrows before continuing.

"I do like to believe that he's still here. His physical being may not be, but he his. His spirit was so strong, I know it lives on."

His voice shook as he continued.

"Ashton died satisfied with his life. He died happy. He died loved. He died in my arms while we watched the stars. He lives on in the stars, he lives on in the wind. We cannot let his memory fade."

Nearly everyone in the church was crying at this point. Luke met Calum's gaze and smiled, Calum returning the smile as best as he could as he wiped his eyes.

"I'd like to call up Calum Hood to say a few words before we close up the service."

Calum didn't seem the least bit surprised as he made his way down the aisle. Luke brought him in to a quick hug before he stepped aside.

"I'd like to start off saying that I didn't deserve his love," Calum began, "but it was a privilege that I took advantage of. He was too young, he was so wise."

Calum wiped his face on the back of his sleeve.

"I watched him grow up. He was the same guy through high school, middle school; he's always been the selfless, philosophical, kind man we know him as today."

Luke could tell he was struggling to keep his composure.

"As Luke said, we have to keep his memory alive. He can't be forgotten."

Calum quickly turned around and threw his arms around Luke's neck, his body trembling as he buried his face in the crook of Luke's neck. Luke wrapped his arms around the boy, one hand going to his hair and the other rubbing comforting circles in to Calum's shoulder blade.

"Let me finish up, we can talk after."

Calum nodded and stepped away from Luke. The blonde boy returned to the podium and took a shaky breath before giving his best attempt at a smile.

"Thank you all for joining us today in celebration of the life of Ashton Irwin. He was a truly amazing best friend, brother, and- husband."

Luke turned back around to face Calum and placed a hand on his upper arm.

"He forgives you, Cal, for what you did."

Calum sniffled and nodded, though a frown was still evident on his lips.

"I loved him, and I ruined him."

Luke placed a hand on Calum's cheek.

"Hey, it's okay. He's not suffering anymore, he's happy now."

Calum nodded again, wiping his face on his sleeve, thanking Luke again before descending the stage to greet some of Ashton's family.

Luke looked out at the emptying church; some part of him was unsettled, he couldn't quite put a finger on what, though. He looked at the small table at the front adorned in a white table cloth, a bouquet of daffodils, a picture of Ashton and the vase containing his ashes on top.

Then it hit him. Something Ashton had said to him a week before his death resurfaced in his brain;

"I don't want to be confined to a vase. I want my ashes to be spread; would that be too weird for you?"

Luke had just blinked back the tears threatening to spill and told him, "Of course not, love."

Luke carefully picked up the vase holding his beloved off the table and carried it with him to his car. He smiled a little to himself when he strapped the vase in by the seatbelt; he could almost imagine it was Ashton there, his smile bright and his face glowing as the sunlight reflected off his soft skin.

Luke remembered the way Ashton had looked that one night, ages ago when they were driving; the light of the streetlights making him look angelic.

He put his keys in the ignition and started his car, taking the same route out of the city he had on Ashton's last night on earth. He drove for hours, the evening gradually pulling the sun down until the only lights illuminating his way were the moon, the stars, and the dim headlights on the front of his car. He felt a wave of fresh tears stream down his face when the song "Yellow" by Coldplay began playing through the car speakers. Ashton had absolutely loved that song.

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and all the things that you do."

Luke eventually pulled over to the side of the road, looking out over the familiar stretch of land. He circled around the car and unbuckled Ashton, the same way he had done on that sorrowful night.

Luke took Ashton's vase and the blanket to the same spot the two had sat exactly 8 days prior. Luke looked up at the sky and immediately recognized Orion's belt shining as bright as ever.

The wind swept the ashes away in a hauntingly beautiful manner. They swirled around and Luke swore he saw them form Ashton's smile for a brief moment before they dispersed in to the night sky.

"I miss you, Ashton."

He clutched his and Ashton's wedding rings to his chest and laid back on the grass, gazing up at the twinkling blanket of lights draped above him.

"The stars always shine brighter for you, love. They always have, always will."

~~~

A/N

et voila.

I'm going to put up the epilogue in a few hours (it's really just Ashton's letter to Luke, but)

Thank you all for taking the time to read this dumb, over emotional excuse for a fanfiction, it really means a lot.

-annananananana <3