The Art of Finding Jasmine Rose Peters

33

'A sister is like a chosen friend. In the same way, a chosen friend can be a sister.'

~JRP

"Wake up, Hayd," a soft giggly voice disturbed Hayden's sleep.

"Mable, go away."

"Come on, Hayd, wake up." Mable had heard Calvin calling her Hayd the other day when he came to visit, and she had since stuck with it.

Hayden groggily pushed away her blanket and sat up, her back hitting the bedstead*. "I'm up. I'm up. Now stop jumping!"

Mable collapsed in a fit of giggles in Hayden's arms. She couldn't help but smile at the girl who was slowly turning into her annoyingly sweet little sister. She didn't know what she would do without her.

After quickly breaking down her walls, without her even realizing, she was the only one paying any attention to her. Her friends, including her roommate, avoided anything to do with her. It hurt, but they weren't ready to accept her apology.

Getting ready for school proved to be a harder task for Hayden than, she thought. For starters, she didn't have any energy whatsoever to go to school, and she was having a hard time coping without her drugs. The doctor advised her to try taking a break from them before she leaves for the rehabilitation center, but she was afraid she wouldn't be able to do it. The thought only dragged her down.

Dragging herself to the kitchen, Hayden started making her tea. The water was already boiled, and the one that boiled it was still boiling in anger and ignoring her. She poured the water and put in the tea bag.

She sat down in a chair. Lyra occupied the other chair, while Mable was sitting down in a plastic chair Lyra found or bought — Hayden didn't know which. The smaller girl was happily munching on a cookie Calvin had bought for her when the two went shopping together, he bought a lot of things for her including toys, junk food and even a bicycle he was teaching her to ride. He hadn't spoken a single word to Hayden when he came. It hurt her harder than she would like to admit.

She missed his lopsided grin and the way his eyes lit up when he was talking about his poetry or something he loved.

Stop. She promised herself she wouldn't think about him, or anything related to him, for that matter.

"Thanks for tea," she mumbled to Lyra, who was sitting opposite her pretending she didn't exist.

Hayden sighed, went to the sink and started washing her cup. She had tried more times than she could count to talk to her, but it was all in vain. She was pretending she didn't exist and going as far as sending Mable to tell her something important.

"Um, Lyra, I think Hayd's talking to you," Mable said, finishing her cookie and reaching for another one.

"You shouldn't eat too much cookies so early in the morning."

Hayden wasn't surprised at how smoothly Lyra ignored Mable's statement. "She's mad at me, so she doesn't talk to me."

"Why?"

Hayden stopped drying her hand and turned around, facing Mable. "I did something terrible and I don't think she's willing to forgive me."

Mable looked up, horrified, keeping her aside. "I'll always forgive you, if it was me."

Hayden smiled at the pure innocence. "That's 'cause you don't know what I did."

"What did you do, then?"

"I didn't tell her something important. That's why she's mad and won't talk to me." Hayden paused. "I'll do anything for her forgiveness."

Hayden looked at her and their eyes met for a split second. Lyra's widened making Hayden's to soften. She looked away after realizing what was happening. She wished she would say something — anything, she could even yell at her if she wanted to.

But it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, that she knew.

"Good bye, Mable." She took a huge breath, opened the door and left for the nightmare called school.

***

Lunch time.

The transition from one of her favourite classes to the period she hated most was instantaneous. She truly believed things could change in a split second and there was nothing you could about them, no matter how hard you want.

Her head was hanging low, almost covered completely by her trusted black hoodie, and her hands were shoved into her pockets. Don't look up, don't make eye contact. Get your food, find your way back without bumping into anyone and eat your food alone, like the miserable person you are.

That was the unfailing plan she followed. So far, it worked for her and she stuck with it. The day she strayed from it almost drew tears from her, but she stood strong and didn't cry. She had cried because of them once. She won't do it. She was strong; she didn't cry.

The wonderful that she used to look forward to taste bland in her mouth. She knew it wasn't the food that had changed, no; it was her. She felt sick, but she still shoved it down, she would need it along for the day.

The cool hush that enveloped the cafeteria when the school's golden group graced them with their presence was stronger than ever now. The students looked up at them in awe, alongside their new member. They were ever more secretive now, and that was what got everyone jittery. But Hayden knew exactly what they were hiding, or rather who they were hiding from.

They weren't her friends — they were a powerful force she couldn't handle. A force that she was once part of, that she was protected by but had now turned into something she couldn't recognize.

Calvin with his hooded eyes and unmoving lips. It was only now that she realized he only smiled for her, laughed with her and brightened his eyes up just so hers would light up too. But it was too late, now.

On, either side of him, were his two bodyguards — Wren and Mason. They acted as his shield, protecting him from any harm — protecting him from her. She was sure the rest of the school body were dying to know why their eyes were as sharp as steel, their lips in thin lines and why the sudden change in position -- Wren and Mason were always behind Calvin. It should be her beside Calvin, with Mason and Wren hand-in-hand behind them.

Alas, it wasn't going to happen what with Mason standing fiercely, glaring at anyone who dared to question them even if it was with his eyes. His eyes softened when they met hers.

The ground got even colder as she watched them sit down on their now usual table. The waiters were quick on their feet to get their food displayed on the table. Theirs looked warm, appetizing unlike hers which had surely gotten cold from watching them make their grand entrance.

She pushed it away. She didn't want it anymore and didn't care if she came to regret it because she knew she would.

They were hurting her. Was it on purpose? Or was it harmless? A part of her had a feeling it was the former. It had been days. Why wasn't she used to it already? It shouldn't hurt her to look at them sitting alone. Or to realize Calvin was doing everything in his power not to look her way.

It was on her anymore. She had tried to seek forgiveness. Approached their table with shaky steps and mumbled out the apology she had stayed up all night perfecting and memorizing. They ignored her like yesterday's leftover. It would be lying to say it didn't almost make her cry.

Even though the cafeteria was back to being loud, it was Calvin's laugh that paused her thinking, and turned her back to reality. He was laughing at something Wren said. It was fake. His eyes weren't shining, his lips weren't lopsided, and his posture was too stiff.

She couldn't take it anymore. He shouldn't pretend to laugh just to hurt her. It wouldn't work, she wouldn't cry, and there was no way she was leaving.

But she lied to herself because she could feel the walls slowly caving in, the cheers, laughters, and gossip becoming a loud ringing in her ears, and her hands shaking as they tried to pick up the tray. She couldn't do it.

Before she acknowledged what she was doing, she was halfway across the cafeteria, heading straight for the door. She increased her speed, almost running by the time she made it out.

She could hear footsteps closing in on her, and she ran even faster. There was no way he was catching her.