Gleaming Part

....34

Chapter 34

I stared at the moon, just letting myself be tamed by its beauty. Hearing and feeling the waves crashing down against my feet made me smile.

"How did you..." I looked back and saw him playing with the sand.

"How did you manage to overcome it? You know, everything." He sighed.

I went back to sit by his side and fix my dress.

"Well, you have no other choice but to overcome it if you don't want to burden other people with the hunts of your past. You have to overcome it, because you have to." I only said it because that's what I did.

"But, does is still hunt you?" I nodded and bit my lip.

"Yeah, it will always hunt me. No matter how healed I am, there's this thing that can really pull back the darkest past of yours to hunt you." I heard him sigh and continued playing with the sand.

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi?" I looked at his face and noticed he was already staring.

My eyes began to water, "Because, just by thinking of it already hunts me. What more if I try to form it into words? I really can't face the consequences if I told you, I know you Eugene. You will definitely do something about it, even if it's wrong."

"But, you should've told me before you left me, at least." Umiling ako at mahinang tumawa.

"I didn't leave because it was scheduled. I left because I had no other choice. If only you knew how I was determined to get out of the airport to go to you, kahit makapagpaalam man lang. But, I can't do that. Papa was on the loose, he can still track me if ever. It will be chaotic if that happens and would you think I will still make it out alive if it happens?" I asked him and he stayed silent.

I continued, " I never wanted to hurt nor leave you. I never wanted any of that. I accepted your anger, I accepted the things you have shown me when I came back here. I accepted all of it because you have the right to act that way." My gaze went back to the moon.

"Tinanggap ko lahat, Eugene. Because, I understood you. Even if it pains me, I will still and always understand you."

"Paano mo naman iinintidihin sarili mo kung puro iba na lang ang inaalagaan mo? Paano mo mapipigilan iyong pagsisi sa sarili mo kung patuloy mo iniintindi ang iba? You feel too-"

I cut him off, "I feel too. I know I do. Oo, hindi lahat ng tao mag aadjust sa'kin. But, I just really hope that just for once, kayo naman ang mag adjust. I didn't tell you what has happened to me because I will receive the consequences. Pagod na pagod na ako mag sakripisyo para lang hindi kayo mag alala. I've handled enough from my dad, hindi ko na kinakaya mga pinaggagawa niya sa'kin pero sige, gusto malaman ng iba. I faced the consequences." I let my tears fall.

"I-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry if I wasn't there for you when you needed the most. I'm so sorry if I let you go so easily when I felt something is wrong. I am so sorry." He held my hand and I looked back at him.

"I told you these so you could stop thinking of any other things. Para kahit papaano, your mind will be at ease. You don't have to be sorry when you were with me all throughout." I smiled at him.

He didn't answer back and I think it's time to tell him what's on my mind, how I really feel.

"Eugene..." I sighed and looked at him straight in the eyes.

"I am genuinely so proud of you." My voice broke. Napapikit ako at huminga ng malalim bago magpatuloy.

"I am so proud of you, for being so strong. For growing, for reaching your dreams. I may have not witnessed how you have grown through the years but I felt so proud of you. Look at where you are now." I squeezed his hand.

"You are pursuing your dream, and in a couple of years, magiging attending doctor ka na. In a couple of years as well, you might get married and build a family. You have someone who will take good care of you, and I'm so glad you have found someone like that. Because, that is what you deserve. You deserve every good thing in life." Umiling siya.

"What are you trying to do, Cadie?" He asked, but I just answered back with a smile.

"Cadie, don't tell me na aalis ka uli. Kakabalik mo lang." Umiling kaagad ako.

"I'm not going anywhere, I won't. But, I think it's time for me to let you go." Kumunot ang noo niya.

"It's hard to believe but, ever since I left you. Ikaw pa rin lagi kong iniisip. Ikaw pa rin lagi kong naaalala sa mga bagay-bagay. Ikaw pa rin nakikita ko sa future ko. I'm not wrong with the last one. You are still here, with me. But, as a friend. 7 years has passed, but you are still the one who always crosses my mind." Natawa ako at umiling.

This seems so childish.

I nodded slowly, "Pero, totoo. Kaya nung nalaman ko na you have somebody else. It hurt. But, it seems selfish already if I want you to keep on thinking of me. And I thought, yeah. Eugene deserves to be happy. I've hurt him too much that he doesn't deserve me. Iniwan ko pa." I bit my lip.

"And, we really didn't have the label back then. But, yeah. We cared so much for each other. Hindi naman tayo masasaktan ng ganito if our feelings weren't this genuine, right?" He laughed lightly and nodded.

"You deserve a lot more, Eugene."

Umiling siya, "You deserve every good thing on earth, Cadie. That heart of yours is so genuine."

His eyes starts to water and my tears can't help it but to keep on falling down.

"But, I just hope you give yourself more love. Huwag mo na ibigay sa iba iyong pagmamahal na dapat ay para sa' yo. Iningatan ko iyan. Ingatan mo rin sana." I smiled.

"And, let your feelings fade away. Don't push it to easily let go when it's still heavily attached to you. It's going to be hard that way. Take your time." He brushed my hair and patted it.