Gleaming Part

....10

Chapter 10

I woke up and I feel so heavy. Lahat sa'kin masakit. I can't even move my arm without crying. It's so painful.

Dahan-dahan akong umupo. I looked at my legs and it was full of bruises. I sighed. I slowly and carefully got the phone that Thomas gave from my bedside table. It's already 11 am in the morning. I'm just glad it's a Saturday.

I was about to hide the phone when it rang.

"Hello." I had a hard time greeting. A lot is paining me. Even by just blinking.

"Cadie. Hi. Are you okay? Hindi ka na nakapagtext or tawag kahapon." I heard how worried Thomas is.

"I am." I lied, for the thousandth time.

"Aalis tayo later ha? Kasi—" I cut him off.

"Can I pass? Sasama na lang ako next time. I really... can't right now." I bit my lip trying to stand myself up.

"H-Huh? But, we've talked about it yesterday? Come on, Cadie. Lumabas ka naman ng bahay. Minsan ka na lang nila makasama." I took some time just by taking step by step.

I bit my lip preventing myself from whimpering. Ang sakit, it's too damn painful. I was so close to entering the bathroom when my legs gave up and my arm hit the shelves. Nalaglag ang mga libro kasabay nun ang pag ngiwi ko sa sakit.

"Cadie? What happened? Are you okay? Hey?" Lumakas ang boses ni Thomas kaya napapikit ako.

"I-I'm fine. Can we just stay in someone's house later? Really not in the mood to go to the mall or anywhere." I heard him sigh.

"Alright, fine. Basta sasama ka ha?" I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Yes, Thomas. Can I just get ready? Sunduin mo na lang ako sa may back 7-11 sa labas ng subdivision." I ended the call and threw the phone in the trashcan. A display trashcan where I hide stuff.

Kaya ko pa ba kumilos ngayon?

I looked at my arm and saw many bruises. I groaned. Paano na ako ngayon sa Monday?

My legs aren't that bad but, I have to wear a sweatshirt for my arms.

Umiling na lang ako at pinulot ang mga nahulog na libro. I stopped when I saw 4 journals. It looks like a book but it's a journal where Greg, Grace, Cameron, Ashley and I share things that shouldn't be talked about in any technology.

Binuksan ko ang kay Greg.

Entry 12
February 10

Cadie,

Thomas told me to have this specific journal in order to communicate to you about certain things. At first, I didn't know why we have to communicate through a journal. I thought that you're just really sentimental that's why you keep things like these but, as we become closer, I can sense something is not right. You don't have to tell me everything but, I am willing to hear you out if you need someone. I know we all have our demons and problems to fight but, you're the least person who shares her experiences to our friends that's why we don't know you too much but we just know you on how we observed you but not really the deeper part. I wish we could know that other side, it frustrates us seeing you very secretive and you have to battle with this alone. But, I'm not forcing you to tell us. We'll be waiting.

Always,

Greg.

Kumunot ang noo ko at binuksan naman ang kay Grace.

Entry 21
February 13

Millicent Cadie,

You don't have to show us always that you're happy and strong. Because, I, myself can feel that you aren't. I don't know if our other friends can feel it. But, I do. So much. Don't hide, Cadie. Please. We're ready to fight with you. To carry your burdens too. We're friends remember? This entry will not be about me. But, it will be about you. I have been sharing too much about myself that I forgot that my listener needs someone to be all ears. I love you, so much.

-Grace

Nanlaki ang mata ko. Alam ba nila? Alam ba? Paano?

Mabilis kong kinuha ang kay Ashley at binuksan kaagad sa latest na Entry.

Entry 23
February 10, 3:30 am.

Cadie,

I couldn't sleep, because I had a bad dream about you. I know I shouldn't think about it too much but, I can't help it. Lalo na hindi ka pala-share sa'min. Mas hindi ko mapipigilang hindi magisip ng kung ano-ano. I've been having weird dreams about you lately. A lot. Involves of you being hurt, all the time. But in different situations. Hindi ko naman seseryosohin if hindi kita laging pinapaginipan but it happens so often now. Cadie, I know dreams are somehow fictional but, I can't help but to worry about you. You seem unproblematic but, I know there's something behind your smiles and laughs. We won't force you to share anything. But, I hope that a listener can share their things too. Handa ako makinig. I love you.

Always and Forever,
Ash.

Nanlabo ang mata ko. Feel ko alam na nila. Nararamdaman ko na may kutob na sila sa nangyayari sa'kin. They have hints already. They saw me how my attack triggered me yesterday, mag cconclude na sila na may mali ngang nangyayari sa'kin. Natatakot ako. Hindi dapat nila malaman. Kapag may ginawa sila at malaman ni Papa, mapapahamak sila. Ayoko, hindi pwede. Akala ko si Cameron at Thomas lang may alam. Pero may kutob na sila.

Naisip ko kaagad si Eugene. May alam kaya siya? Kasi siya ang nakakakilala sa'kin out of all of them. Alam niya na? May kutob na ba siya?

I started breathing heavily and fast. Nanlabo nanaman ang mga mata ko at hinayaan na atakihin na ako. I curled up and hugged my legs to bring slight comfort to me. I cried and cried until I felt so drained. Nanginginig pa rin ako pero kinakailangan ko na maligo.

Inayos ko na ang shelves ko at tinago ang mga journal sa hindi makikita.

I placed my hand on the wall, so I can have a guide.

"Come on, Cadie. A little bit more." Nahawakan ko na ang door knob ng bathroom at pinihit iyon.

I locked the bathroom door and got a towel.

Humarap ako sa salamin at nakitang namumula ang pisngi ko. A bruise is starting to be very visible at the side of my lip. Putok rin ang labi ko. My arms, they have big bruises and scratches. My hair is a mess. Inangat ko ang sando ko at nakitang namumula at may pasa rin sa tiyan ko. Pumikit ako at huminga ng malalim.

I'd rather be dead than to experience all of these. I am so tired.

After taking a shower, I didn't bother to cover up anything. I'm too tired and weak to do so.

I'm just wearing leggings and a hoodie with my white sneakers. Hinayaan ko nakalugay ang buhok ko para matakpan kahit papaano ang mukha ko.

I put up my hoodie over my head. Kinuha ko na ang wallet, cellphone, at susi ko. I carefully opened the my bedroom door and locked it. I left the aircon on.

Dahan-dahan akong bumaba at nakita sina manang naglilinis.

She saw me and immediately went to me.

"Saan ka pupunta? Mas mabuting dito ka na lang muna." Umiling kaagad ako at hinawakan siya sa kamay.

Just tell dad I went out for a group project. Babalik din ako kaagad. Nasakaniya lahat ng gadgets ko so I won't be out too long.

I smiled at her and still saw her worried eyes. Lumabas na ako ng bahay at nag simulang mag lakad palabas ng subdivision. My legs hurts like hell.

I tried not to limp but I am definitely having a hard time to walk properly.

Nang nakarating ako sa 7-11, I immediately saw Thomas. He was smiling while grabbing our favorite ice cream but when he glanced at my direction. His smile faded.

I smiled a little and slowly went towards him.

"You said..." nahihirapan niyang sabi habang tinitignan ako.

"You told me that you're okay." I nodded and smiled, "I-I am, Thomas."

My heart broke when a tear fell from his eye.