She Who Was A He (Hacienda Series #1)

Chapter 64

Love.

It is such a strong word.

But as I stare at him. His eyes emits something that triggers a feeling at the depth of my heart.

I do love him. I am crazy and deeply in love with him.

"Will you marry me?" His voice is echoing in my head non-stop.

All these years, although I buried the possibilities that there will still be us, deep inside a small light never falter. And now... I waited for this moment and it feels  surreal.

A tear escaped in my eye as I smiled at him.

  
 
"I'm s-sorry. I... I c-cant."

Love isn't selfish.

It endures.

It understands.

I bit my lip as I'm trying to strengthen myself because I feel like I'm gonna stumble on the ground any moment from now. His eyes reflects confusion. May bahid ng ngiti na unti unting nawawala. Shock took place.

"W-what do you mean? Is t-there a problem?" He asked  habang lumalapit sa akin. Naramdaman ko ang kaniyang kamay sa na pilit hinahawakan ang akin.

"I c-can't A-Aragon... I won't marry you." Pain crossed his face. Nagsimula iyong manubig.

"You deserve someone better. You deserve a futur--."

"What are you talking about!" His angry voice echoed the vast field.

"Di tayo pwede! It's wrong!" I fired back.

"Love isn't wrong! At paano mo nasasabing I deserve better? How? You're the best thing that ever happened in my life!" Narinig ko ang malalalim niyang paghinga.

"Hindi mo naiintindihan! I'm a trans for Pete's sake! I can't give you a... a f-family- children." It's funny how I manage to act brave without shedding tears though inside the cuts are getting bigger. I saw him froze a little and was tacken aback with my statement.

"I never thought you'd think that way, you're underestimating my love for you Seffira! I didn't love you for anything else but love. Children won't measure the extent of what we feel. Di iyon sapat para pigilan ang nararamdaman ko sayo. You and me, we can be family, just the two of us and that's all that matters." His hands caressed my face.

"D-di mo maintindihan." I whispered sadly.

"Come on baby. You're just tired. Let's go home."

He won't stop. He will never stop... but so was I. I pushed his chest kaya napa atras siya. I saw fear in his eyes when I glared at him. Maybe he realized that I'm not ending this conversation.

I have to do this.

"Let's go bab--."

"I love Dustin." Napa atras siya sa aking sinabi.

"You're j-jok--."

"I'm sorry. Huli ko na nang mapagtantong mahal ko siya. He's always there for me and I can't let him go." I'm cruel. Alam ko iyon dahil halos bawiin ko ang aking sinabi at yakapin nalang siya dahil kitang kita mo kung paano lumatay sa kaniyang mukha ang pagka bigla at sakit.

"Sinubukan kitang m-mahalin pero... p-pero siya talaga. Mahal na mahal ko siy--."

"Enough."

"Mahal ko s--."

"Shut up!" Malakas niyang sigaw na nagpahikbi sa akin.

Naiiyak ako sa katotohanang mas nasasaktan ko siya.