She Who Was A He (Hacienda Series #1)

Chapter 38

Pumasok sa isipan ko kung ano itong pinasok ko pero hindi ako umatras, hindi ako aatras.
Everytime I close my eyes, the image of my lifeless Lola haunts me. Together with the faces I wanna bury six feet underneath.

Sinama nila ako sa US, Lolo, Kuya and me. They gave me fake identity para mapuslit palabas ng bansa dahil siguradong alerto ang lahat sa akin. Because the news is all over the country.

Palagi akong wala sa sarili, nakatulala and I feel morbid and dark. Kaya naman I went to the Psychiatrist and perform various test to treat my depression. Halos sukuan ko ang sarili but not Lolo and Kuya.

Kuya Dom is more calm but Lolo isn't. He pushed me to survive the darkness eloping me. His angry voice and painful words snapped the hell out of me. It took me four months to fully recover and understand what I lost and what's lost can never be found iyon ang mas masaklap.

They didn't tell anyone about me. Pero nang gumaling na ako ay saka nila pinapunta sina Donya Lucille at Don Dominador, my biological parents.
They both cried and sorry for everything I've been through. We're okay but I couldn't give my honest smile, dahil di ko kaya. Lolo told them the situation in Philippines. That I am under treatment and recovering, that I am shaping myself as an Alarde and we should keep it as a secret but what my parents didn't know is the dark revenge in my mind.
That serious thing is just between me, Lolo and Kuya.

As times goes by, lalo lang lumalaki ang aking galit, ang aking kagustuhang maghiganti.

But I couldn't do more if I stay like this. I have to be someone who is worthy to do more, one who can be the best.

I convinced my Lolo that I should erase my old self and create a new one. Everyone disagreed at first but my will to do it managed to convince them.

I will be a woman.

Hindi rin madali. I spend two years in taking care and grooming my body. Para handa siya sa major operation. Kaya those two years I took pills and prescribed medications to slowly adjust my body.

My doctor told me na di daw mahirap dahil ang katawan ko ay may kaliitan and I have female physique and feature. My breast is starting to grow and my butt is getting more plummy, tamang tama sa maliit kong bewang. My hair is growing longer.

Exercise and going to gym are necessary and helpful too to firm my body at ma improve ang aking balakang at legs. I was also enrolled in taekwondo and self defense class. Kuya Dom is very serious regarding that matter. Ang sabi niya I have to learn how to defend myself.

Pagkatapos ng dalawang taon ay nakipagkita kami sa isa sa pinaka magaling na surgeon sa America to perform the surgery.

As I lay down on the operating table. I told myself that there is no going back.

Let's do this.

And when I woke up, something changed. I am a woman. Success.

It took months to recover and adjust. Nang lumabas ako ng facility ay naiiyak akong niyakap ni Mama. Lahat sila ay naka abang sa akin.

"Finally, I have a girl."

"Ang aming unica iha." Papa uttered as a tear escape in his eyes at nagayakapan sila ni Mama habang masaya akong tinitigan.