Grandma Sue

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Life continues to be an endless cycle of misery.

Grandma Sue was the name that friends and acquaintances knew her by, to me she was just Grandma. My best friend, mentor, and mother all in one. She was my world and it was ripped from me in a blink of an eye.

Susan Brown was my mother's mom and after losing her child she stepped in and took me in as her own. The reality was she didn't have a choice, being as though she was my only family. Apparently, her husband, my grandfather, had also passed when my mom was in her teens. Both lost their lives to cancer. She told me once that she couldn't give me up because I was the last living memory of both of them.

It was just the two of us after my mother died when I was just a baby. My childhood was a fatherless one, that is until my Eighteenth birthday. I spent my childhood and early teenage years without a father; I didn't even know his name. The thought never bothered me because Grandma was all I needed; she gave me the world and so much more.

Grandma never talked about my father. Of course, as a child I was curious where my father was and why I didn't have one and everyone else did. My grandma didn't go into much detail when I asked.

He ran as fast as he could and never looked back. Him and his family only caused havoc. The devil is what he was.

To this day, her words haunt me. Everyone that lived on our block knew she was a God-fearing woman with a heart full of love. Grandma was the nicest, most caring woman I've ever known. She was quick to take the clothes off her back to give to someone in need although she fought like hell to keep a roof over our heads. Needless to say, she spoke of my father and his family as if they were trouble.

It still felt like a dream, her death. One day, we were cooking Sunday dinner in the kitchen and the next, gone, just like that. There were so many things I wanted to say to her and so many unanswered questions. But I can only live with my last words to her. I love you.

September 13th. That Friday started like any other typical day. I woke up, showered, dressed for school, ate breakfast, gave her a quick kiss and exchanged I love you before I took the bus to school. On that particular day, I stayed after for a project instead of going straight home. I sent a quick text instead of calling and it was messing with my guilty conscious but I can't blame myself. I never thought September 13th was the last day I would see her.

The ambulance was outside our apartment complex that evening. My heart dropped when the medic rolled a lifeless figure wrapped in a body bag from the building. I hated running but I raced across the street as fast as I could. When a neighbor approached me teary-eyed, my worst nightmare came true, I just knew. Susan Brown, my grandma died at 82.

I've constantly told myself she lived a good, long life and never questioned my love for her or vice versa. But I still missed her. I still mourned her. I just couldn't get past that she was actually gone. Being the God-loving woman she was, her wish was to be buried beside her husband. All the times I'd brushed off the thought of burying my only family, the day had finally come, and I kept my promise.

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