Accepting: Hidden Self

Chapter 37

         "Wait, you mean we can get old San back? Like his old happy self?" Yunho asks from behind me. I look at San's aunt and she nods, heading over to kneel in front of him again.

         I head towards them and she motions me to sit next to him, as I do I can feel that he is somewhat cold next to me. I hug him, hoping it will help, with his heart or his temperature.

         "I need you to take down the walls that cut him from you, if you don't, nothing will change." she tells me. I nod and go into my meditation, tearing down all the walls that could block him from me. I see the tattered remains of the thread that was once attached to both of us, and hold it in my hand as I come out of the meditation.

         "Are you okay Wooyoungie?" Yeosang asks me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I am lightly crying, and when I look at Yeosangie I feel San's arms wrap around me tight, but in a caring way.

         I look at him with my eyes wide, Did that really work? Is that all it took? I think as I turn to see his face. Though when I see his face I feel my heart sink a little, his eyes are still emotionless, but his face has softened. He gently hugs me and sighs deeply into my shoulder.

         "Please don't cry Woo," he whispers, and I hear his voice waver a bit.

         I look at everyone in the living room area, and they are all staring at us, shocked, confused, and sad. I want my old San back. We all do, the one who makes us laugh when we are sad, the one who can laugh at any situation. I lean into his hug and I can tell that it relaxes him a little.

         "What do I do next?" I ask, and I see San's dad sit in a chair by the bed.

         "That, we don't know, it's on you guys now. You need something that is significant to you guys in some way, the more powerful it is the better. Though you only get one chance to get him back, so you need to be careful of what it is." his dad tells me.

         Eventually I watch as San's aunt takes people to a different room, and San's dad tells us we should try finding out what the item is. I sigh as they leave, not knowing where to start looking. It could be just about anything at this point,

         I smile as I feel San wrapped around me, and go to pull away so I can get up, but he pulls me closer to him. I giggle, remembering how he is when he's clingy.

         "Sannie, are you feeling better?" I ask and turn to look at him, his eyes still seem like voids, but I can see a small spark in there.

         "I don't know what I'm feeling." he responds.

:@:

San

         I hold Woo closer, not wanting to let him go. I can't tell what is me feeling, and what is my instincts kicking in, all I know is that I need to hold him. I feel him squirm in my arms, trying to get up, but I keep hold of him.

         "Sannie, are you feeling better?" he asks me, shocked and happy. I can see in his face that he is excited, but watching his eyes turn to disappointment it made me feel something, but I can't tell what. Disappointment? Sadness? Regret?

         "I honestly don't know what I'm feeling," I say, trying to add a bit of emotion to my voice, which is easier than I thought it would be. When he looks into my eyes again he takes my face in his hands, and tears up.

         "Sannie, we will get you back to your old self, the one who makes me smile, the one whos laughs and smiles brightens up a room. I will try everything we can to get your emotions back." he says looking deep into my deadened soul. I can feel something wet on my face, and he rubs my cheek getting rid of what I assume is a tear.

         "I will try my hardest too," I say, nuzzling into his hand. He pulls me into a kiss and I can feel his emotions in it, his fear, love, and his want to fix me. I smile into the kiss and when he pulls away I can see that he is wiping away tears.

:@:

         With everyone back we decide to go back to our house, but have everyone with either me or one of the girls as protection. During the nights the girls will be on watch and we set up a system that if something happens we will call my father and aunt.

         "I guess we should all get ready for bed," HongJoong hyung says and I watch as everyone heads to their rooms. I go with Woo, and he sits on the bed holding something in his hands. He hides it when he sees me watching, but I get changed while he watches. I don't care as he stares, but eventually I can feel him touch my back.

         "Can you sleep shirtless tonight?" he asks me. I go to my old self, trying not to make him sad, and smirk at him. I put the shirt down on the dresser and I pull him close to me.

         "As you wish Little one," I whisper to him. I see him blush and he holds my hand, pulling me to the bed. As we lay down I feel him curl into my chest and I wrap myself around him, hoping to hold him together as he sleeps. I watch as he slowly falls asleep in my arms and when I know he is asleep I follow close behind.