Accepting: Hidden Self

Chapter 23

AN/ thank you guys for reading this, I'm sorry if everything moves fast, I tend to go with whatever comes to mind, which means things can get fragmented a bit 

ALSO Happy Yeosang Day!!!!

Wooyoung

         While we get ready to eat I see San sit off by himself, so I've had enough of it. I meditate on my heart again, trying to see if I can help him in some way. When I come to the wall I see him on the other side, he is sitting, alone, and in the dark.

         "Sannie! Are you okay in there?" I call to him. I see his head come up, his eyes looking into my own. He is crying, and in pain. He walks over and puts his hand on the wall.

         "Help me, I can't get out of here," he says. I don't know how, but I can see a weak spot in the wall. I start to push on it. I look at him and I can see his usual kind smile, which pushes me to shove harder. Eventually I move a couple "bricks" and I can almost touch him, but as I get close I get flung again.

         I look up at San, seeing him coming over, but he is holding his head, almost as if he is in pain. Then I hear it, his call for help.

         "Rose!! I am leaving, something happened!!" I hear San yell. The sound of his pain and confusion ringing in my head, causing me to hold my head so the sound doesn't split it. I see him disappear and look at Mingi who is holding his head in his hands.

         "Are you two okay?" SeongHwa asks looking at us from the spot San had once been. Mingi seems to just shake his head and is fine. I bring my hands down and can see a weird reddish brown residue on my hands.

         "Oh my god, Woo! Are you okay?!" HongJoong shouts, pulling me closer, trying to figure out what it was on me. Looking at SeongHwa's face tells me what it is though, blood. I see San's aunt barge into the room, Lily and Rose in tow.

         "What happened?!" she asks looking directly at me. I look up at her and she sees my hands. She gives me a sad and disappointed look before she disappears, leaving me with the girls. Rose seems panicked and Lily just walks up to me, giving my face a kiss.

         "Did I do the wrong thing?" I ask her. I know that everyone around me can't see her, but I don't care anymore. She huffs and sits in front of me. She takes on her physical form and allows herself to be heard by everyone.

         "This will be better for everyone, you and Mingi just heard San at a frequency that probably makes your heads a bit sensitive to us being in your head. I am sorry to say that, you aren't the first to fall to his Darker side." she tells us, everyone staring at us.

         "What do you mean by that?" I ask, feeling like I already knew the answer..

         "San has a side to himself that he regrets even existing, not another personality, but it's like locking up your darker thoughts. Those thoughts about burning the school down, punching someone who ran into you, things like that. San tries to deny those feelings. He locked them up after what happened to him." she tells us. I look at Rose and she nods in confirmation.

         "What's going to happen now that the barrier is broken?" Jongho asks, nervously looking between the talking dog and myself.

         "I'm not sure, I think Lilith went to see how bad the damage is, and if she needs to call on Lucifer. If it's that bad, then you may not see him for a while." she says looking away from me.

         "Wait, why would she call on Lucifer? He wouldn't care about some kid having issues." HongJoong says, looking at Lily. I watch as Rose practically face palms herself.

         "He pays close attention to Lilith and his son, despite everyone telling him not to." Lily sighs. I am shocked, Lilith is his aunt, I should've guessed that his dad would be somewhere high ranking.

:@:

San

         I turn around in my room and see my reflection changing, I see him smirking at me. No, no he can't be here. I locked him up. I curl in on myself hiding from my mirror.

         No poor Sannie, if you had really locked me up that cute toy of yours wouldn't have been able to let me out so easily. I hear him say from my mirror. I start to cry as I think about how I was trying to protect Woo, but he inevitably is the reason my darker half came back.

         I look up when I see my aunt come into my room, she runs to me, giving me a tight hug. I look at her and she wipes my tears away.

         "How bad? Do you think you can be around the boys?" she asks. As soon as she asks I get a flash of me with a knife, which makes me panic. She pulls me in closer.

         "How do I deal with this? Every time I think I've come close to figuring how to live with those feelings something sets me back!" I yell.

         "Have you done anything that would be on par with him recently?" she asks, holding my face in her hands. I look down as I remember Orobas, internally yelling at myself.

         "What did Lucifer make you do?!" she yells as she turns away from me, pinching the bridge of her nose.

         "I had to torture Orobas into giving him information on un... Amaymon." I say quietly. It wasn't Woo's fault, but my own. I let his wall thin. I let this happen. I realize. I look up at my aunt and she is already calling my father, yelling at him.

:@:

Wooyoung

         We wait for a few hours, hoping for San to come back, but eventually we just continue practice. All of us work hard, hoping that he will be fine by saturday for the photo shoot. When we are done practicing I go to make sure he isn't in the gym.

         "Not here either?" Yeosangie asks.

         "No, but I just hope he is okay. I didn't mean for this to happen, I just thought that I was helping him." I say, not able to keep saying that I'm fine.

         Eventually we make it home, and I stay on the couch, watching TV until I fall asleep. I wake up to the smell of lilac and seabreeze, with a hint of mint. I see San in front of me, he seems different, and not in a bad way. He seems calmer, and more sure of himself.

          "I'm sorry, I need some time. I need to keep a bit of a distance." he says as I stand up. He has his arms in front of him, as if he is ready to push me away. I take a step back and he sighs.

          "I didn't mean to do this." I tell him as I look at my feet. I feel myself sink to the floor, not able to say any more. I can feel him get closer to me. When he crouches in front of me I see my old Sannie. He pulls me into a hug, not tight, but also not wanting to let go. He stands up and he lets out a long sigh.

         "It's not your fault, I need to deal with this before I can safely be around everyone. As long as I have this on I should be fine though." he says, pulling a rosary from his shirt. It's small and ornate, but I can feel the power behind it, and I lightly touch it. He puts it back, but I can see the strain in his eyes.

         "How long can you stay?" I ask him. He looks at the floor and sighs.

         "Honestly, being here at all is bad, but I felt that you needed an explanation. My father is working on something and says that he might be able to fix this with the spell, I just hope it works." he tells me. He walks up to me and cups my face in his hands, and gives me a light kiss. When I open my eyes again, he's gone.