Trust Issues | e.d

E I G H T Y - T H R E E

"You can't fucking do that Malia!" She looks around, checking to see if anyone is staring at us and then lowers her head.

"Then what can I do? Worst case scenario-"

"That IS worst case scenario Malia. There's other ways that don't involve-" I bring my finger up to my lips signaling for her to be quiet as I look around and make sure no one is listening or watching us.

"I made a choice and I'm sticking with it. You can't change my mind!" I lower my head and stare her down as she glares at me.

She shakes her head as she leans back in the seat.

"No, you're not. What you're choosing to do is genuinely and I fucking mean it with all my heart, selfish. I will do everything in my power to change your mind and just prove it to you how wrong your decision is." She simply crosses her arms over her chest as she looks at me.

"It's not going to-"

"It's going to affect everyone Malia, and you're going to be the most affected of them all."

—————

It doesn't leave my mind at all. I think about it all day to the point I even dream of it now, the outcome always stays the same. I don't know what Natasha expected when I told her my plan, but it hasn't changed, not even slightly.

The only thing we agreed to that night was keeping our discussion between us. We had our reasons for keeping it a secret but I simply don't know why I chose to confide in her. It could be the fact that I didn't have anyone else or I just didn't care anymore.

Yes, I had Kieran and I trust him with my life, but this would absolutely crush him if he were to find out.

Because if everything goes according to plan, there would be no going back...for any of us.

I pull the keys out of the ignition and sit in my car, debating whether I should get out or not. The road was empty, hardly any cars passed through here but I knew that I wasn't alone though, the undercover cop was somewhere around here keeping me under protection like they all said they would.

Eventually, I bring myself to get out of the car. Even though I'm still hesitant, I continue walking while clutching a white candle in my hand.

And soon enough I'm standing right in front of the cleaned up crime scene. It's calmingly quiet, the only thing being heard was the running water coming from the waterfall.

I sit down and take a deep breath, letting everything out while looking around. I light the candle and set it to the side.

It doesn't take long for me to breakdown crying, frustratingly wiping my face from the tears that just kept falling.

"I'm sorry." I exhale, bringing my knees up to my face.

"You're dead because of me. Your life ended while mine is still going and I don't even fucking deserve it."

My eyes are burning and my head is pounding as I yell out to absolutely nothing.

"I'm sorry for everything that happened between us, over something so fucking stupid. I never wanted you dead...You deserved better."

Gasping for air as I continue on my rant.

My heart aches while trying to imagine the sinking fear she felt knowing her fate that night, she was going to be killed and couldn't do a damn thing about it.