The Bubble Reviews 2.0 (ON HIATUS)

Sky_is_limit review: Mind Captive

Book: Mind Captive

Author: thewritingwizardya

Reviewer: sky_is_limit

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Hey! So, you didn't want me to focus on anything in particular. I'll try my best to give good and logical feedback.

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Title/Cover/Blurb: 

I did a search on Wattpad and found your title to be a unique one. No other stories came up when I typed in the title, so that's always good. Now, in relation to the actual book. I'm not sure I agree with the relation to the story 100%. I understand how it can relate, but from what I read, I don't really think 'Mind Captive' actually relates. When I think of someone's mind being captive, I think of them being under a spell or them being controlled in some way to where they're unable to think their own thoughts or someone is thinking for them. That's something to really consider.

Your cover is very simple. That's not always a bad thing, not at all. For your story, I actually feel a more manipulated cover could work. Or at least one or two more elements to tie in the whole storyline. In other words, I don't think your cover does your story justice. To me, it's not that intriguing to push me to pick the story up.

Your blurb isn't bad, but I feel it needs to be reworked. From what I read, I don't really get a good gist of the story other than the two MCs having to work with what they have. Is there a conflict other than being sold and trying to be happy with their new lives? Also, there are a lot of rhetorical questions proposed. In my opinion, I feel the author shouldn't ask so many questions in their blurb. The readers should read the blurb and start asking questions automatically. I definitely think the blurb can be worked to be more hooking and enticing. At the moment, I don't think your blurb would have drawn me in. If anything, I may have been just a little confused.

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Grammar: 

Your grammar isn't bad whatsoever, but there are a few kinks that need to be worked out.

Something I want to mention is the use of plural and singular nouns. Very few times did I see an issue where a noun was made singular instead of plural. For example, rather than saying Kels', it would just be Kels. It's a very small mistake that I noticed, but one nonetheless. The s' is what makes the difference between a singular and plural descriptor. I also noticed a similar situation with Riven. In the first chapter, when Shay is sold, she felt the eyes on her. Rather than saying 'Riven, whose eye...' Riven should have has an s at the end because there are multiple. Without the s, it only seemed as if one Riven was watching her.