CHASE RHENNAN [completed]

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

-Chase Rhennan's PoV-

Alak... It has always been my way to temporarily ease all things and feelings like this. Whenever I'm in the worst most hurtful situation, it's always alcohol that I've been relying to.

Una akong sumubok na magpakalunod sa away nung nag-away kami ni Agatha. It was my fault that time. Hindi ko kasi siya inintindi. Pinairal ko 'tong selos at galit sa puso ko. Mabuti nalang at nagkaayos kami agad that time. The second, third, and fourth one was when Agatha broke up with me. Nakakatuliro lang kasi noon na hiniwalayan niya ako nang walang kongkretong dahilan. I mean wala naman akong nakitang nagawa ko. It was all of a sudden. Ngayong nakaraos na ako sa sakit na 'yon, saka naman ulit nagpakalunod ulit sa alak for the fifth time, and it is all because of another girl... a new girl I loved but just hurt--ang babaeng bubuo na sana ulit sa buhay ko pero dahil sa kagaguhan ko ay kailangan ko nang pakawalan.

Inubos ko na yung natitira sa bote na iniinom ko. I paid and then I went out to my car.

"Ugh! Damn it!" Out of deep frustration and anger to myself, nasipa ko nang malakas yung harapan nitong sasakyan ko bago ako sumakay sa loob at nag-drive pauwi sa'min.

***

"O, Rhennan, gising ka pa?" I heard daddy's voice behind me. "O, ano 'yan?"

I'm in our kitchen, on our counter to be exact, drinking again some alcoholic stuffs in can. Pakiramdam ko kasi, kulang pa rin yung nainom ko kanina sa bar.

Bukod sa pampatanggal sakit, may isa pa ring dahilan kung bakit ako umiinom ngayong gabi. Gusto ko sanang makapag-ipon ng lakas ng loob--sa pamamagitan nga nitong alak--para masabi ko na sa kanila ang problemang dinadala ko. After all, they are my parents. They have the right to know, and at this point in time, I know that they are the only one who can and will understand and be with me.

"Umiinom ka; may problema ba?" He seems worried, the usual him whenever he sees me this down.

Inubos ko yung laman ng canned beer bago ako tumango at nagsalita. "'Dy, you have to know something."

I can somehow feel the sudden tension building up between us. "O, ano 'yon?"

"Remember Frances? I mean, Paris." My voice slowly broke. "N-nabuntis ko po siya."

Napatayo si daddy at napahampas nang malakas sa mesa. 

I thought he'll understand me kasi tatay ko siya. I thought na sa lahat ng tao siya ang pinaka-iintindi sa'kin, but I guess I was wrong. For the first time in my life, I saw him this-angry.

"'Dy, it was months ago nung may nangyari sa'min. It was just days after Agatha broke up with me. I was drunk. Hindi ko sinasadya na may mangyari sa'min." I explained.

"Pero ginawa mo." Gigil na gigil siya sa tono ng pananalita niya. "Alam mo ba kung ano ang ginawa mo, ha?  Shit, Rhennan. Sa lahat naman ng kagaguhan na pwede mong gawin, bakit 'yan pang paggalaw sa babae at pambubuntis ang ginawa mo? Nag-iisip ka ba ha?"

I got angry--maybe because of alcohol and the situation I've been suffering. "How can you get fvcking mad with me when you also did the same fvcking mistake once back then in your life?" Damn. This is also the first time that I've raised my voice to my father. "Don't act as if you're not like me. You were also an asshole back then. You don't have the fvcking right to scold me."

Saglit siyang nanahimik sa nasabi ko. Nakaramdam tuloy ako ng guilt bigla sa mga nasabi ko. I didn't mean it. Nawalan lang talaga ako ng kontrol sa sarili ko. Emotions are eating me.

"Yun na nga eh." He calmed all of a sudden as he sat again beside me. "Nagawa namin ng mommy mo yung pagkakamali na 'yon noon kaya alam namin--alam ko--kung gaano kahirap. Sobrang hirap, anak. At iyon... iyon ang pinakaayaw naming mangyari sa'yo... sa inyo ng kapatid mo. Ginagawa namin ang lahat para protektahan at ingatan kayo... para hindi kayo magaya sa'min... para hindi niyo maranasan yung hirap at yung sakit na dinanas namin noon."

"But it's too late. I've been suffering that pain now." I weakly said, trying to stop the tears from falling.

Nagkatinginan kami ni daddy. Alam kong naaawa siya sa'kin. Nakikita ko 'yon sa mga mata niya. There's also sadness and disappointment in his eyes. May parte rin na nakikita ko ang pagsisisi niya.

"You know what, 'dy? I've fallen with her. Hindi birong kalimutan yung nakaraan namin ni Agatha, but because of her, I did," pagkukwento ko. "I just can't fvcking accept it that we started on that night... na dahil dun nasaktan at nasasaktan ko siya. I hated her and hurt her because of that night. I pushed her away nung hinahabol niya ako. But now na ako na ang nahulog at gustong maghabol, damn it, tadhana na mismo ang gumagawa ng paraan para mapatunayan na hindi ako ang para sa kanya."

I stayed quiet for a while, breathing deeply to somehow ease this feeling.

"'Dy, wala na yung baby." With those words, hindi ko na napigilan pa ang mga luha ko. "It was my fault. It was all because of me. It just proves that I'm a jerk whom she doesn't deserve to have."

Doon na yata tuluyang lumambot ang puso ni daddy para sa'kin. Siguro kasi alam din niya ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Alam kong napagdaanan na rin niya ito noon.

He tapped my shoulder. "Mahal mo talaga siya? Then, magiging okay rin kayo. Kung kayo talaga ang para sa isa't isa, no matter what happens, magiging kayo. Tandaan mo 'yan, Rhennan."

I shooked my head. "No, 'dy. It's enough. Tama na ang lahat ng 'to. I've hurt her too much. She suffered too much. She doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve me."

I saw Mom. Mukhang kanina pa siya nakikinig dahil may luha na sa pisngi niya.

"After all that happened, I've decided to leave her and all these feelings no matter how hard and hurtful. Ayoko na kasing makasakit... lalo sa tulad ni Frances. She's just too unworthy of it."

-TBC

There's more to happen! i'll be back soon. Magtatambak muna ng drafts. Isa pa, wala na akong pang-wifi! Hehehehe. 

Sobrang thank you sa lahat ng nagbabasa! Pati sa nag-iiwan ng comments! I love youu! ♥