The Harbor

Not in That Way

I apologize for the angst. My brain just loves doing that.

For atmosphere, listen to the video.

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Okay so, today was a very special, very anxious filled day. Today was it. All that preparing. All the paces around the dark room at three in the morning because the anxiety wouldn't go away. All the looks, the gazes, the stares. All the shy glances away. All the butterflies caged inside...

At first, the day went slow as all hell. Really, was the clock even moving? But as soon as class started to get the slightest bit interesting, time seemed to fly as fast as it possibly could. It's too soon.

There's no way all the preperation could have EVER prepared for this moment. None of the speeches recited so many times they might as well have been engraved in their eyelids. But now, pacing in front of the oh-so familiar door, those speeches have been erased. What was there to say? To build up to the ever nagging question.

They wiped their shaking, sweaty hands on their jeans. The time was now but what- how-

The door opened and the pacing stopped.

"Uh, hey..." A pause to swallow. "Uh, Perr..." LaF ran a shaky hand through their hair.

"Hello Su-" she stopped herself. "LaFontaine,"

"I uh... W-wanted t-to uuuhh... T-tell err ask you s-s-something..." LaF stuttered, hating the sound of their shaky words. Hating the anxiety.

"I could tell. You've been pacing in front of my door for the last five minutes," Perry stated with a motherly, concerned frown. "Would you like to come in?"

"Uh, yeah," LaF said quietly, their thumbs finding their way to the pockets of their jeans.

Perry stepped aside and let LaF in. LaF looked around the mega clean room. They didn't want to look at Perry. No, anything but that.

"Have a seat," Perry motioned to one of the chairs as she closed the door.

LaF took a deep breath. Why was breathing suddenly so difficult? They watched Perry's amazing body move across the room to make something to drink. LaF used this time to try to gather some thoughts of something, anything to say.

"You.. Wanted to ask me something?" Perry questioned as she crossed the room and sat down on her bed, handing LaF a cup of cocoa.

"Uh, yeah... Uhhhh," LaF was still trying to piece together coherent thoughts but nothing was working.

They set the cup down and placed their hands on their knees, taking a deep breath.

"Perry, I..." LaF began but a pang of anxiety jolted through them as their eyes met Perry's. "I-I w-well... I w-wanted t-to ask... Uhh..." Come on, now was the time to lay everything out on the table. "I-If... I-if... Well... W-W-Where's your roommate?" LaF blurted out to just say something. As soon as it crossed their lips, they mentally smacked themselves in the head.

"Wh-what?" Perry almost laughed. "You were pacing outside my door for five minutes just to ask where my roommate was?"

"No! No... I wanted-... That's not what I w-wanted to ask you. I was g-gonna ask..." LaF took a deep breath and shut their eyes. Now was the time to just blurt it out. "I-if you would like to g-go out sometime,"

Perry chuckled a little. "We go out all the time,"

"No, not like that... L-like on a... On a date,"

"Susan, I don't under-,"

"Perry, would you like to be my girlfriend," LaF blurted out.

There was no response. After a few seconds of pain staking silence, LaF slowly opened their eyes and looked at Perry. Her shoulders tensed up even more than normal. She looked surprised, to say the least. With a deep breath in, Perry bit down on her lips. Her gaze shifted through the room until she looked at the window.

"Oh, would you look at that. There's a mark on the window. I should, um... I should go clean that," Perry said, setting down her tea.

As she rose, she reached for her cleaning supplies.

"Perr... You and I both know that that mark is on the other side of the window. C-could you just... answer the question?"

Perry took another deep breath and sat back down.

"I'm sorry.." Perry started. A swell of nervousness came to LaF as they waited. "Believe me... I love you," LaF couldn't help the smile that grew on their face. "But... Not in that way,"

The smile faded from LaF's face. They moved their jaw to the left, their gaze falling to the floor. Why did they even think that Perry would say yes?

"I uh... I just remembered I have a test to study for," LaF said somberly as they rose and walked to the door.

"Susan, please,"

"No, Perr.. Just.. Just forget it," LaF didn't turn around and opened the door, feeling a tear well.

"Susan, wait," Perry got up and took a few steps towards LaF.

"Just... Leave me alone," LaF's voice cracked as they left.

They went straight to their room and plopped down right on the bed. LaF grabbed the pillow and put it over their face to hide the tears. Why did they ever think a girl like Perry would ever say yes?