I will not hurt you

Training

Kylo Ren's P.O.V

"The dark side is strong within her", I whisper to the helmet. I have consistently received no answer but continue to push for one. I need something, some sort of validation that I did the right thing. 

The dark and light in her is balanced perfectly, at times I can feel when it shifts. When she gets angry or upset I can sense the overpowering of darkness rise all the way from my quarters. It infects me, makes me want to have her close to me at all times. I finally identified what I felt on the empty base on Crait, it was the force that surrounded her and led me to her. 

I try to think about my grandfather, he was as strong as he was because of the compassion he felt towards his wife. It gave him jealousy and rage, the core of everything we stand for after everything else boils down. 

I can only ask and pray for guidance, for an answer to whether or not when I make eye contact with the girl to kiss her lips or push her away. 

She doesn't hate me, I don't hate her. Even though she is practically my biggest threat and enemy, I could never despise such a beautiful thing. Please, an answer is all I need. 

Mera's P.O.V.

Please. 

An answer is all I need.

From someone, on why I feel the way I do. 

Maybe Kylo Ren is right, maybe The Resistance isn't coming for me. Maybe I'm not as important to them as I thought. 

Not as important to Poe. He would have been here already if I meant as much to him as I thought I did to him.

It's been a week, and I've felt nothing. Not even a sliver of happiness is left in me. All it took were Kylo's few thoughts to extinguish my flame of hope for them coming for me. 

What do I do? Keep up an act that I think The Resistance is coming for me? Or give into my hopelessness and train under Kylo Ren?

What could he teach me that Leia couldn't? The dark side runs on fear, something I've feel too much of in this moment. I lay down on my back, facing the ceiling. Just one month. It seems like an eternity when I think of Ren but such a short amount of time when I think of Poe. 

31 Days Left

I stretch my arms above my head, my clothes have been set on the edge of my bed for me. I change into them, tight pants and another small tank top. This time the shirt doesn't cover my wound, the scar is completely visible. It's hard to tell whether or not this was intentional, maybe it would be best for my side not to be restricted by fabric for today. 

I sit on my bed patiently, waiting for someone to come to my door. I pick up the shirt I had on last night and the night before, it was long and black. It looked like Kylo Ren's, and it was big enough to fit him. He was huge compared to me, at least five inches taller than my tiny 5'7 height. It was difficult to not be intimidated and mezmeried by him at the same time. With the helmet on he was terrifying, but with it off you could see almost all of his emotions solely from looking at his beautiful amber eyes. They soften the tiniest bit when we spoke yesterday, I noticed it when he cleaned my wound two nights ago too. Even in my drunken state I could see right through him, he was vulnerable. 

Grand Admiral Nalda comes to pick me up about five seconds later, I lay the shirt back on the bed and follow her as we walk to a huge open room. It's completely silent, no matter how hard I  try she doesn't even glance at me, I feel like a child trying to get her attention before she leaves. 

"Do as he says and you'll be alright." she whispers as I enter into the training room alone. 

It's a beautifully lit room, it looks grey thanks to all the bright lights illuminating the black surroundings. I take another step inside, and it's freezing. I walk around carefully, part of the floor is matted, so it's slightly raised more than the rest of the room. I hold myself with my arms, rubbing them a little bit just because of how cold I am.