Everyone loves to tell me I'm strong
In the same breath they question why I'm upset
Everyone loves to tell me to relax
But my hands are shaking to bad like earthquakes the walls start to move and I can't see much, my heart is pounding so bad I can't feel much.
Everyone loves to tell me speak my happiness into existence
But soon my ears start to ring
My fingertip sting
And I can't hear much of anything
Everyone says "Why are you overreacting it's not that serious"
But they don't realize that comment brought me back
That action caused a memory
Those words cut me deeper than you could ever imagine
Everyone loves to tell me to breathe, and reevaluate the situation
But they don't care to remember every memory I told them
Sorry is a word I hear to often, but I don't want to hear it because you know what happened
It's not your fault, I'm trying to breathe
I just need 15 minutes to stand on my feet
It's not your fault
I'm sad, broken, and bruised
Every panic attack isn't planned and it's not caused by you
Memories eat me alive, and sometimes 15 minutes is all I need
So I can gain feeling in my fingers and remember to breathe
Life isn't a choice, I'm forced to live it
I'm the one who's sorry I'm encased in a world full of demons
So next time I beg
And plead for the conversation to end
Know it's not all in your head
I am overreacting, and I can hardly breathe
And simple situations in my brain aren't what they seem
I wish I could be the girl everyone knew before him
But she's long gone and I'm re learning how to live
Everyday is a battle, every breath is a blessing
This pain I can't describe I'm not sure if it's god's lesson
I'm not sure if it's punishment, every breath I take
It's a battle to stay standing most days I only seem awake
15 minutes can change so much, just steady breathing I promise I'm holding back a ton
There's so much you don't know, and so much that eats me alive
But don't ever think I'm not trying, that's the reason I survived
Everyday I tried harder, and one day more than some
I escaped his hands, I promise it wasn't fun
I didn't enjoy his abuse, it stung, burned, and throbbed
I wish I had a better answer, but 15 minutes is all I got
So when I'm crying, over a dumb comment or word
Know it stabbed my brain more than you could ever know
I'm sorry I'm not better never doubt I'm trying my best
Now my Dad has only days to live, and I can barley choke out the rest
So I lost everything, and my dad will soon be gone too
And there's so many regrets, so just know it's not you
This life is hard, and I'm really tired
I'm trying my best, I hope you didn't forget
A human can only take so much, and that's all I am
And now everything is gone, eventually including my dad
I can't function now, my eyes are heavy
Once one tear stops, it's hard to to come back
Feeling completely alone, and getting one of what I earned back
I wanna be with my dad, be at peace together
But life isn't that way, he knows I'll love him forever
15 minutes, is all I need
To remember every thing in life worth my life having to succeed
My head is spinning and I can't hear to much
My knees are buckling and I have no crutch
I have no explanation, to the intrusive thoughts in my head
Or the dumb accusations about nothing
But I promise, I'm trying harder than it seems
Everyday, it feels surreal
