I left so long ago
But I can't breathe again
Like the day you choked the air from my body and told me it's me again
It's my fault and my choice and I made you mad
But the bruises that covered my body came from the same man
That told me sweet nothings and promised to love me
That gave me a life I cherished that quickly turned ugly
It's been years and I still feel bad
Because you didn't deserve the mental illness you had
I still make excuses in my head
It should have went different but I can't be sad
I couldn't bring you back from the fake world you live in
When I started to believe I too was maybe missing
Maybe nothing was real and maybe you were right
Maybe we all died awhile ago and it's a loosing fight
Or maybe if you took your meds we'd both be alright
And the good memories wouldn't pull my heart tight
Please stop coming to my dreams I know I'm alive
I have a baby inside of me and she will survive
I have to protect her but not like with you
I don't get hit and I'm safe from you
I have an amazing family and a fiancé who loves me
But your eyes still burn in my dreams to remind me life can be ugly
I just want to breathe my chest is so tight
I miss our dog I hope she's alright
My bathroom was my favorite place
The bath was the best
That house was full of horrors but then I left
It's occupied now and I've moved on
But why is your voice in my head humming a song
You eat me alive when these episodes come to
I remember to much I tucked away for you
I don't want the present of remembering my screams
I don't want the voices to tell me Ill never be free
I don't want to look into your eyes and know
I'm all you had and failed you with it all
I couldn't take the blows and I couldn't help you get better
And I left you for dead is what i gather
I thought you'd get better and get to be a dad
But because of another asshole our girl isn't even with me it's bad
I can't even say her name sometimes because it feels like my heart starts to bleed
And I guess your not the only one who ruined something
I don't
Want
To
Be
....
