what matters // levi x reader

Chapter 31

[ Levi's POV ]

The pain I feel is so unmanageable that the idea of spending another day with it seems impossible. I keep thinking the same thing over and over again.

Is she going to wake up? How long is it going to take? What am I going to do if she doesn't?

I had spent the night at the medical room with her, though, I was later on asked to leave.

The next morning I made my way to Erwin's office, with the feeling that I needed to talk to someone. I knocked multiple times but nobody answered.

"If you are looking for Commander, he said that he was going to visit Captain at the medical room." saluted a soldier and I simply nodded.

I changed directions and headed to the said medical room. Resting my hand on the doorknob, I remained silent for a second.

What if they tell me something bad happened? What if that's why Erwin is there?

I decided to brush the negative thoughts off my head so I simply entered.

"Oh, Levi. Goodmorning." said Erwin who was sitting next to (y/n)'s bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

A saddened smile formed on his lips and he glanced at the floor.

"How did it happen?" he reluctantly asked, looking back at (y/n).

I didn't want to answer, but he would ask me again sooner or later.

As I spoke to him, the horrific images ran through my mind over and over again, as if I was reliving the whole story. I rested my hand on top of my chest and gripped my shirt roughly as I felt my breathing become quicker by each second. Not wanting to seem weak, or rather, pathetic, I just sighed deeply and tried to calm myself down.

"I see.. some guts she has. Talk about bravery.." he murmured, taking a hold of her hand.

"No, Erwin. You should've seen her eyes. They were full of tears and fear!"

My back collided with the wall and I slowly fell down, sitting on the ground after covering my eyes with my palms.

"It's hard for me too you know.. seeing her like this."

Before he left, he put a hand on my shoulder and assured me that everything was going to be alright.

My hands moved from covering my eyes, to gripping my hair. I took a deep breath and finally allowed some tears to escape my eyes.

"Wake up you damn brat." I whispered.

Running and shouting could be heard down the corridors. Suddenly the door burst open, revealing Isaac and Ed.

"(y/n)?!" Isaac asked, his voice trembling.

As soon as they saw her, their eyes widened.

"Why the hell didn't anyone inform us?!" shouted Ed.

"Keep your fucking voice down Ed." I grunted.

"You.."

He came closer to me and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, forcing me to stand up before pushing me further back.

"It's your goddamn fault! She told you to sit your ass down and not fight! You are the reason why she is laying nearly lifeless over there!"

"Ed stop! Don't talk to Captain Levi like that!" Isaac stressed as he grabbed Ed by the shoulders. "It's not his fault!"

"You think I don't fucking know?" I shouted back.

He released me and took some steps back, Isaac forcing himself in between us. Soon after, Hange came running through the door. She put her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath.

"You think I don't blame myself for what happened? You think I can handle seeing her like that every goddamn day? It's a heaviness I can't escape." I harshly spoke, lazily brushing my fingers through my hair.

"Hange.. how is she doing?" Ed asked, looking at Hange with eyes full of anger.

"She is doing alright now.. we don't know what the future holds for her."

Ed took a hold of her hand and kneeled down in front of her with Isaac crying next to him.

"Or if she even has one." he spat back.

After he stood up, the two boys left the room, hearts full of anguish.

"Levi-"

"I can't stop remembering her last smile Hange. The way she looked at me. I want to rip my heart out of my chest, it hurts so much."

Hange embraced me, something that I normally wouldn't allow, but I couldn't even find myself bothering anymore.

"Maybe if I hadn't made those choices. The terrible ones that didn't look so terrible at the time. Maybe she would still be here."

Just maybe..