I Saw The Lights Go Out - Carl Grimes

Chapter Eighty - Memory Making

I fell asleep in Carl's arms that night. It had been so long since I had last felt them secured tightly around me. Somehow, with just the simple act of encasing me in his hold he knotted and stitched those broken heartstrings back together again.

Carl refused to leave my side just like he had promised. Eventually others did as well seeing the state I was in. Beth, Noah, and Tara didn't hesitate to set up camp for the evening a few yards away, despite Sasha and Rosita's dismay. Abraham soon followed suit, setting his bag down before offering me the last of his canteen. While I refused the kind gesture Carl took it with gratitude offering it only to me and not his own dry lips.

I felt exhausted through to the next morning even though my heart had never felt so light. What I had thought was a weight lifted when the group had left me behind was nothing compared to the weightless feeling that lifted me up so high now. I finally felt understood and heard. I no longer had to scream and beg for someone to bat an eye in my direction. Carl saw me and I knew he wouldn't ever look away again.

Carl's arm tightened around my waist as I lifted my aching head off of his chest. He looked deep into my puffy eyes and pushed back my tangled hair resting against my cheek.

"Did you sleep good?" Carl sighed with a careful smile down to me. I shivered at his touch before fanning my fingertips over the divots of his ribs.

"First time in a long time." I spoke the truth. With most of my worries vanished, I lay soundly in my safety net's arms in peace.

"Glad to hear that. Same here." Carl ran his hand up my back and stretched. He looked around to the others. "Do you think we could keep heading north? Could you do that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you, promise." I mumbled with a blush and tired eyes.

"Let's go." Carl smiled and ushered me up from on top of him. I smiled back and hesitantly took his hand in mine for the long journey ahead.

~

The trip to continue up north on foot seemed never ending, and honestly I was starting to believe it was. My mind took up the silence as the future possibilities played out in my head. Once we got to Washington, in which Eugene so desperately believed would be the end to our suffering, where were we actually going to go? Eugene lied to us all about knowing a cure, so why put so much trust in finding a safe military zone there like he said? We couldn't simply walk up to the White House front steps and ask for a soft bed and a complimentary breakfast. And what if Washington was a bust or they simply wouldn't take us in? Do we keep marching onward until we hit Canada? It was only going to get colder the farther north we got. That meant no running waters, no small wildlife, nothing growing in the ground. There really just wasn't a plan.

Carl squeezed my hand pulling me from my endless stream of worries, I tilted my head up to him. He nodded and offered a smile to which I shook my head and smiled back. It baffled me how well he could read my features without me even noticing.

It was nice to see him putting in this much effort for me. Something in his mind had changed, in mine too, clearly. It was hard not to trust Carl, it just comes so easily even when I was so set in my ways of protecting myself and leaving him behind. Maybe I could still protect myself while also opening my heart up to Carl. He squeezed my hand again.

"Sorry, I'm just thinking a lot." I looked back around to the same old Virginia oak trees around us trying to focus my mind on something more serene. Mother nature never seemed to disappoint.

"That's all right, it's good to know your brain's working." Carl laughed pulling me in and kissing the top of my head. I scoffed and chuckled before walking away from him. He tugged at my fingertips with another chuckle and pulled be back into his arms. My smile pressed into my cheeks turning them red at the ease between us.