Blind Faith (Book 1)

Chapter 35

Ash

Ash could never imagine darkness as black as now. A deep inkiness worse than his brief journey through the tunnel earlier. He didn't know if his eyes were open or closed.

Maybe it was more how he was feeling, the outside in or just the emptiness a numbness of his very existence. He guessed he sat on the floor, he wasn't sure, but it was cold, he knew that much and it froze his toes, his feet and his hands if he placed them down for too long. A cold stone floor, for a cold lonely soul. Yes, he agreed with that, he had finally succumbed to the inevitable and allowed the ghost of his past in. Hope, his only real light, against the darkness was gone.

Shivering, he hugged his body rubbing his arms and legs for warmth.

He had failed his sister again.

Again...I am a failure...a waste of space...

Failed his family, failed Emma, Leon, Rose...everyone. Images of their faces flashed in the darkness, one after the other, over, and over, and over.

He screamed out in frustration.

"Leave me alone!"

He started rocking back and forth as his fingers tingled and throbbed with his toes.

There was still a dull ache at the back of his head and down his neck where he guessed he had been struck.

Cowards! All of them are fucking cowards...

"Come and face me, you cowards! Come and...and..."

He couldn't finish his hollow threat. He breathed in deeply and clenched his teeth, wiping his stinging eyes.

All I seem to do is cry...a pathetic excuse of a man...

Never, never had he thought to take his own life, but...but now if someone gave him the means...a knife? He chuckled to himself, a madman's laughter in the face of his demons. He would probably miss and stick the blade somewhere in him that would only bleed him or more likely he wouldn't have the nerve to go through with it and end up as he was now, crying alone, feeling sorry for himself.

A dry giggle slipped out from his lips...he didn't even know in which direction the bloody door was, it could be unlocked or even open for all he knew.

He lay back, the stone cooling the burning sensation at the back of his neck.

What he did know, is that it stank like something had died to his right, a smell of something decaying mixing in with a damp sickly musty smell. As much as his stomach churned he couldn't even find the motivation to vomit.

"Ashley..."

Does Hell have to be a furnace, or is it like this? A hot bath, now that would be wonderful...

"Ashley..."

...A baking hot bath filled with bubbles and aroma oils.

"For the love of your Mother, son, will you answer me!"

Ash sat up and peered in the darkness to his left trying to see who was making all the noise, but all he could see was....black...black, more black and black, black, black!

He screamed out in despair and grabbed handfuls of his hair, tugging it painfully.

"I'm bloody going mad, voices in my mind," he said under his breath.

Suddenly the song by Queen popped into his skull, like a thunderbolt.

"I'm going slightly mad

I'm going slightly mad

It finally happened- happened

It finally happened – ooh oh

It finally happened – I'm slightly mad

Oh, dear!

I'm one card short of a full deck

I'm not quite the shilling

One wave short of a shipwreck

I'm not at my usual top billing

I'm coming down with a fever

I'm really out to sea

This kettle is boiling over

I think I'm a banana tree

Oh dear, I'm going slightly mad

I'm going slightly mad.

He stopped for a moment and listened, his new home had good acoustics. He blinked at the darkness, at his train of thought and started laughing at the absurdities of his mind.

Singing Queen and wanting to set up a recording studio in his cell...he sighed and lay back on the floor.

"Your Mum loved that one, it always brought a smile to her face."

Ash sat up again and stared again to his left. That voice, he knew that voice.

"D-Dad?" He said, his throat burning like he had poured acid down.