Thin Ice (Corey Crawford)

One Day

Samantha

I couldn't put off all these life changing decisions too much longer. People were dying to know where I would play next, but I don't know where. Or if I want to play at that. I would kind of like to coach one day, but maybe when I can't play that's a decision for me to make. For now I want to consider all my options and what's best for me.

I got offered a goalie position here in Chicago but I know for a fact backing up Corey would be more problems than solutions. I've already been a big enough distraction for him and this team, my presence right now isn't a solution to anything really. Of course I would love to play in the Mad House every other game wearing the best jersey and in front of the best fans some day. The Blackhawks are and always will be my first choice, but above them is Corey and that's not going to change. I could go to their AHL team but they're in Rockford and that's a drive I don't think I'm ready to make daily.

It's March now and I have to think about Shawn too. He graduates in May then the draft is in June, he needed me around and I wanted to be here for him too. I know I could help him from afar but I don't want his future to slip out from under him like mine did to me because my family wasn't there. It's easy to let your mind play games on you and if he is not careful it could ruin him. I wanted to be here like my father should be.

But I also had offers from Carolina and San Jose about a starting job starting now. That was a great offer for someone like me who could change the game for girls around the world. Or I could play in the NWHL and be with my girls again, be a part of a special team like I was back in Sochi. There's so many choices and I wasn't sure which one was the best one.

Eventually I hear the door open to the house and my mom comes in. She joins me on the couch as she lets out a sigh. She still works as a nurse like I do but she's slowly going back into it. She's been gone for a while but the woman had more vacation time than a retired president.

"What a day" she sighs as she kicks her feet up.

"Don't I know it" I mumble.

"What's on your mind" she wonders and I smile. It's weird to have my mom back after she had been gone for so long.

"The future" I admit.

"So what's it going to be? You playing here or in Florida or Carolina? If I have a say can you play here so I don't lose you again. I'm still trying to get back into being a mother before Shawn leaves and I will need all the help I can get" she claims.

"I can't play here momma. This is Corey's team and I'm not going to step on his toes. Even as a back up all the focus would be on me and what I'm doing, he deserves some recognition too. That team is nothing without Corey and I don't want to be what tears that team apart as they try to take sides. Maybe someday I'll play here but the only reason they want me right now is because of what I did and not because of what I can do. If they still want me when all the hype and brownie points go away then I'll consider it" I sigh.

"Then how about Florida? Maybe we can get a house out there and go to the beach on off days" she claims.

"I'm not basing my future off of vacation spots. I have plenty of time to hang out in Florida or wherever we want to go in the off season. Plus I don't think I fit San Jose's system. They're offensive minded who allows a lot of goals and I like a team that thinks defense first and wins low scoring games" I claim.

"Then Carolina" she asks.

"Momma I couldn't tell you one thing about Raleigh" I laugh as she laughs with me.

"Yeah, me neither" she admits. "But I don't want you giving up on this before it even starts" she claims.

"I'm not giving up. This isn't like when dad died where I shut everything out. I know one day that I will be in the NHL. I just think this isn't the right timing, you know? Right situation at the wrong time kind of thing. I want to be here for Shawn, I want to be a part of his present and future. And I want to be with Corey here in Chicago before I go running off somewhere. We've only been together for four months and we're still learning things about each other. Maybe sometime down the line it will be the right time and I won't have to worry about being on the wrong page with him. It'll all make a little more sense" I claim.

"And what if it's too late and teams aren't interested anymore" she asks.

"Then I will have to prove myself like I've had to many times before now" I claim.

"I just don't want you regret not taking these opportunities" she claims.

"We live to regret what we did do not what we didn't do" I remind her.

"Still. You have a chance to mean something to a lot of people. Sitting at those games and hearing people chant your name, seeing them cry because they got to meet you and tell their parents they want to be just like you, it was surreal. The world might not want a girl like you in a game like this but they need you" she claims.

"I just don't feel like I'm ready. I don't know the NHL system or how they do things. I don't have a agent or a clue as to what to ask for money wise. I've never signed a contract before and I want to make sure I'm really ready to be a NHL goalie. If I go into this and mess it up then they'll never let another girl play again, I can't be the reason that happens.

I believe there will be a time and place when I'm ready. Where I can not only be a girl in a NHL but a dominating force. I don't want to go out there just because I can and embarrass myself. I can't just expect people to take it easy on me because I'm a girl. I'll have a target on my back and I need to make sure I'm ready. But I will play in the NHL one day" I promise.

"Good" she smiles. "Your dad would be so proud of you right now. What you just said is very mature. Many people would jump at the opportunity but you at least have sense to see that the easiest path isn't the best one" she says.

"I want to do this this right way. And I know a lot of people would be disappointed in me for taking my time but I know it's what's right. Maybe Shawn and I could make our debuts the same year" I smile.

"Wouldn't that be something" she asks.

"It would be" I admit.