You and You (L.H bully fanfiction) (5sos) #wattys2015

24. Messed up

I know I fucking haven't updated in like a week or something.
This update is gonna be shit because I'm using my iPod because my phones wifi is fucked up and I'm fucking frustrated so here you fucking go!
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Delilah's pov

Sorry. My life. Isn't perfect. Fucked up. Little girl. Brain is shit. Doesn't work. Body not good enough. Scars. Wrist. Thigh. Stomache. Tear. Stained cheeks. No. Friends. Family. Fucked up.

Think carefully. Read carefully.

If only you knew what I was going through, I'm not just another case; of crazy, of depressed, of suicidal.
Me.

I don't know. I don't know if I could stop the thought of it. I don't think I have the power to stop it. I don't have the patience to hold it. I don't have the ability to forget it.
I don't
I don't know if he know or if she knows.
I don't know if you want to know.
I don't
I don't think I have a strong enough mind to forget it.
I don't know if I want to.
I don't
I can push. I can pull. I can hurt others. I can harm myself. I can exceed the limit. I can overcome all expectations.
I can be me.
I won't
I will prove that I'm not like the others.
I will show that I'm strong. I will let them know I'm independent.
I won't
I don't know
I don't
I can
I won't
I will
I won't
I am
I won't.
I am me.

That's my mind at the moment no matter how hard you read me there know way of knowing what's going on its all just confusion, hate and hanging on the last thread of life.

Just when I thought I had someone, my conscious ruins it for me, telling me:
I'm worthless
He is using you
He feels sorry for you
Pity
Dares
Lies
I just don't know who to believe.

I've been sitting on the same lounge for about 2 hours, thinking.
"What if he doesn't like me? What if he uses me? What if he just. Pity's me?" I whisper to myself over and over again.
Luke left this morning and since then I've locked everything and anything out of my brain minus that one thought.
Luke.
I didn't hear the kettle stop boiling, I didn't see the sun glare in to the lounge room, I didn't hear the dish washers ding from finishing the dishes.
I didn't see OR here the human that is standing in front of me now waving there hand around my eyes calling out
"Delilah!"
Luke.
Slowly I wake out of my trance, looking at the blond headed boy.
"What the fuck I was trying to catch you attention for the last 45 minutes, you scared the shit out of me I was about to call an ambulance" he says show me his phone.
"Sorry" I mumble, and get up from my sitting position and walk to the kitchen turning the kettle on to boil again.
"Sorry! That's all I get? No explanation why you wee just sitting there saying 'what of be doesn't like me? What if he's using and pitting me?' And so on?!" He exclaimed clearly upset for my lack of words.
"I just- I was- just forget it" I say looking at the cup I was filling with water and a tea bag.
"No I Won't I'm worried Delilah, please tell me what's going on" he begs his voice calmer.
"I said its nothing" I say again while stirring my cup of tea walking back to the lounge.
"Well who's- who's this he you were talking about? Hm? Is there a boy Delilah?!" Luke said raising his voice.
"Luke fuck off it was you!" I screams angrily.
He looked at me with an expression unreadable to me.

Messed up brain fuck you.

Messed up.

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Tell me if you like it better when I update on my iPod or iPhone?
Hope you enjoy.
Vote & comment

-izzy