Players always play

Panic

Kylies POV
    Fuck I thought as I got into the empty house of mine. No more of those fucking pills. They don't work. They over work me. In the spur of the moment I reached for the Jack Daniels taking a gulp of it down. No fuck I threw the bottle at the wall. Fuck my aunts going to be mad about that dent. I want it to stop. It all. All the pain all of it. Why won't you end? Maybe I should just- no fuck that he's not winning. He doesn't deserve to win. I was sobbing uncontrollably and slid down to the cold floor in the kitchen. Glass is everywhere but I didn't care because it's gotten too much. I can't even think straight I can't do this without being numb.
          Numb. I crawled over the glass cuts I'm sure present on my knees grabbing my favorite thing. My savior. Vodka. Gulping it down I laid there on the floor. The glass didn't even come close to the pain I felt in my heart. My dad, he didn't love me. I didn't even get to Enjoy my moms love. She didn't get to meet Michael, she's not here. Whose going to help me at my wedding, kids? I don't even see the future anymore because no one is going to be there with me. I kept gulping it down ignoring the burn from my bestfriend. I thought I heard a knock at the door but I believe I am drunk. Delirious. I have been so tired.
          So tired of feeling tired. Kylie I heard a shout. Fuck I thought I had time. I held the bottle to my chest as more then one persons set of footsteps came towards the kitchen. Fuck I heard someone says my vision was too blurry due to my tears but considering the vulgarity I'm sure it's Derek. Kylie baby Michaels face came clear. He took the bottle from my grasp. Are you hurt he ask Everywhere I say Okay okay he says scooping me up from the ground. He proceeded to take me upstairs and straight to the bathroom. Leave I say whispering Not going to he says Derek didn't come up I'm assuming he was cleaning my mess.
        He sat me on the toilet and tried taking off my clothes but I fought. Just go I say getting angry I'm so sick of this you you're going to hate me because even I am fed up with myself I say Stop it he says I love you now let me help you he says going to take off my clothes. They did have Jack Daniels and blood mixed on it. I stood up and he took off my jeans. It's going to sting he says placing me in the shower getting in with me. I didn't feel it though I just felt numb.
            It was getting too much for me. Getting out the shower I glanced at the girl staring back at me. Lost is the only word to describe her. He dressed me and Derek came in to help him bandage my cuts. My drunken state, I didn't care. I don't want to care anymore. If I was a vampire this be easy I could just turn off my humanity. Ugh what'd I'd kill to be a vampire right now. How drunk are you Derek ask giving me water to drink. I ignored the water. Go home I said What did the pills do to you today to make you snap he asks leveling with me. Michael was cleaning all the blood I leaked in my bathroom. Fuck off I said getting in Dereks face. What's my biggest fear I say You know what I felt nothing it snapped like that cause that stupid fucking medicine makes me numb. I thought back to how people fear death or things like rape and guess what they both fucking happened. Derek I have no parents. Nothing. No future I said tears coming down my face.
           My throat was dry and scratchy I continued And you know what the best part is, everyone moves on, I'm stuck I can't I try so hard to get past it. Dry heaving I felt my vision was spotty. Drink this he says Or I'm going to shove it down your throat he says Dont threaten me I say sitting back down on my bed. Michael was watching from the door way this altercation between me and Derek. You need to adjust you can't just expect it to work like that Kylie and alcohol will kill you he says quietly. That's the point don't you get it I don't want to be here anymore I say low real low. It was scary. I know I've thought, come close but I never said it infront of Michael. So that's your plan to leave me he finally spoke up from the door frame . You'll leave before that happens I say.
      And if I don't he says raising an eyebrow. Derek shriveled back. You will I say What can we do to help Kye seriously I'm trying here I don't want to witness anything like that again. It scares me he says You don't fear it sweetheart you'll be okay I say bitter. Oh please what if I offer myself you'd be okay with that he says his tone spiking. Why would you? I ask I lost someone too Kylie he says We all have okay, you more then us but we're there with you Derek says wearyingly looking between me and Michael.
               Let's get you some sleep Michael says sighing. Text me when you arrive safely bro he says as Derek leaves. Michael slid under the covers as I sat at the edge of the bed. The room was spinning and I dashed straight for the toilet. Huh that's what I get  I thought to myself as I threw everything up from the carnival. Michael came and sat next to me on the floor while I was going to pay for the alcohol in my system. He rubbed circles on my back. I was dry heaving when he forced the water into my mouth. Please he says as I wasn't responding.
     I drank it slowly not wanting to throw up more. I stayed sitting next to the toilet not knowing if I could get up. He helped me up and guided me to my side of the bed. Bucket is here he says putting it on the floor beside me. I don't wanna wake up tomorrow, it's going to be hell.